The Knowhere Guide

Other Stuff in Chichester, West Sussex*

Chichester, West Sussex Stuff You Don't Get Anywhere Else

The Stuff We Can't Fit In Somewhere Else

• 1....2.......3.......4 boredem
• I shall be 60 come next birthday and i have lived in, or around, Chichester for most of my adult life. I suspect that most other contributers to the site are much younger, but they have got Chichester sussed. It is a beautiful city, it has a wonderful, human, scale and if you stand at the Market Cross for an hour on a summer's day, you will see more crumpet than is good for a man. I wonder where they all were when I was a student. There are, indeed, two colleges and both are centres of debased standards as I know from first-hand experience. The College of Art, Technology and Science is an FE college given airs - I've taught in three departments there and my ex-wife taught there, it's crap. Even worse is the University College of Chichester as you can tell if you visit its website. It's main story is that it is a brilliant place to hold conferences when its students are on holiday. This is true, it is a brilliant place to hold conferences. Chichester is delightful and there are so many places to visit within a short distance. The Goodwood racescourse is a 10-minute drive away, the Goodwood motor circuit is closer. Anyone can visit Chichester and find something new for a month or two and all within an hour's drive, and that is remarkable given that the hour's drive circumscribes only 180-degrees becouse if you go South, your feet get very wet unil you hit France. All the comments about four-wheel-drives are true, though I have a witness to the fact that I once saw a Vauxhall Frontera with mud on it. Mark you, I have not ruled out the possibility that it was Designer Mud, sprayed on by an artisan with an eye to the main chance. The mud was bright yellow so it didn't come from Sussex. The previous correspondent was spot-on about daft tarts who wear sunglasses on top of their heads at all times, though I do not think that Marilyn Monroe ever did. He, I know it is a 'he' is also spot-on about the brittle accents some of these daft tarts affect. You can tell that they went to minor boarding schools, with ideas above their station, because the likes of Roedean and Cheltenham Ladies' College, had moved on many years before. The poor dears do not know that. They still create mirth whenever they open their mouths. Chichester does have two professional theatres, and there is possible no place on Earth which can boast that with a population of under 30,000. These are serious theotres as well. Chichester is, so far as I am concerned, the epicentre of the Universe and there is no place I'd rather live. The trouble is that it is so special that it attracts arseholes who come here to 'retire' (ie die) and who then stand up and, in effect, say, "I am now among you, after a lifetime selling insurance, it's a dog-eat-dog world out there, I am here to tell you how things are going to be." I've done informal research. The daft tarts who drive Samantha to her ballet class and Justin to his riding lesson (or is it the other way round?) need 4x4s to make them feel secure. They think that because they drive a truck, they have power. They don't, they remain just daft tarts who ave lost the instructions which came with their sunglasses. When you see a woman with sunglasses on top of her head, ask, "Lost the instructions?" I have a 100% rate of success in this, nobody has had to be reminded of the time James Garner said to Jessica Walters in the movie, 'Grand Prix' as he removed her sun-specs on the top of her head. "Why do you all do this? It looks ridiculous." It does, but that won't deter a daft tart. Or a ga-ga guy. Men with shaven heads like to wear sunglasses as an Alice band. Ever noticed that? Those with paunches like to be a little bit girlie though my advice is not to tell them so. You can use my name, I do not hide, Dr. Mike Lawrence
• GREAT HOSPITAL:- St.Richard's hospital is the best, the staff are friendly, competant and caring. The Day Surgery Unit is run with military precision, yet despite its vast daily turnover, every patient is treated like an individual by all the staff from the chirpy receptionists booking in patients early in the morning, through the nursing staff, medical staff, and even the manager. the unit is clean and well looked after due to the dedication of its domestic team, a credit to the hospital and the NHS>
• WE'RE NOT ALL SNOBS. I CAME HERE 7 YRS AGO, FROM LIVERPOOL, AND IT WAS A BIT OF A CULTURE SHOCK! JUST BEWARE THE CHI BORN AND BREDS, APART FROM THTA, WE ARE OK! HONEST!
• What is this nonsense about some poeple being thick and having no money? Whoever wrote that stuff is despicable. Whoever you are, grow up. Aspiration is what Tory Chichester is all about - we still live in the Land that Maggie built down here folks. I say if you want to pretend you are upper middle class when you're not - keep it up. You are doing more for class war than any loonie leftie by upsetting the stuck up public schooled, yellow wellied, windsurfin', house in the country brigade, who think Chi is theres by right because they can afford antique furniture and a Land Rover Discovery and other can't.
• There are local bye-laws forbidding the granting of planning permission for any building more than two storeys high. The purpose? - To ensure that whenever visitors approach the city, they can clearly see the beautiful spire of the Cathedral, towering above the skyline! It works!!
• you guys are great so make sure you put this bit in thanx!
• The nasty residents of the area who think it is their God given right to poke their noses into other people's business and stir up trouble. Their lives are so empty and miserable that they think they will try to do it to everyone else's life as well.
• I'm not a resident of "Chi", but I got to know the place fairly well, and if your interests run to more than simply skateboarding and McDonalds ("the obvious choice"? "food"? FOOD? McD's?????) there's actually a reasonable amount to say for the place. Is this the first contribution by a post-pubescent, I wonder?
• Worst: The Drum and Bass fanatics and people that like Jeff Mills
• The residents of Chichester are the biggest bunch of snobs ever.
• Excuse me but Bognor people are not 'slappers' and it is the people in Chi who are too stuck up for their own good! I live in Bognor and I happen too like it. Thank You!
• People in Chi, are generally not too friendly with the 'Pompey scum' or the 'Slappers of Bognor'.
• Worst aspect of the town - The Globe pub (populated by the twats of the town, such as most of the Shazza's and Kev's of the world.
• Chichester cops are best placated, coz they can get very nasty. Chichester townies are losers, and if you get in a fight, don't worry, you'll cane them, they tend to bail out on you quite quickly. Taunting them is also easy, and very fun. Keep a few quick replies handy. Well, thats about all I know; I don't go to Chi. all that often, so the pubs etc. are a closed book to me. A warning though; the local nightclub, 'Thursdays', is complete shite. If you want to smoke, do it by the cathedral. It's quite an experience. Enjoy!

The Knowhere Guide started out as a list of places to skateboard in the UK. It is a compilation of (unedited) information and views supplied by users like yourself. It is not a conventional tourist guide!

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Last updated: 2007-10-26