The Knowhere Guide

Local Heroes in Earby, Lancashire*

Earby, Lancashire Famous Residents

Cringing Cult of Celebrity (Famous residents and ex-residents.)

• i met Jack cCharlton!!!
• catherine zeta-parking meter eater once rode bareback down the main street and all the kids saw that safe sex was a load of toss.
• Jonny seven/ secret agent.Went'off on one'after sampling some of the local flora and fauna[they grow behind the top ressie]Seven miles and one panic attack later, lancashire ambulance service managed to wrestle him to the floor.He is possibly still residing on Z ward(sand dancers).TOP LAD!!!!
• Scott Simpson, famed for his part as the Homosexual priest in the 1992 movie, Through The Back Door. Renowned also in these parts for spending time with the Gay community and helping them to express themselves freely within the town. A thoroughly nice chap, and thank god he was made Gay, otherwise women everywhere would be Lesbians!!
• lee bowers (i think thats how you spell his name) he competes in britains strongest man but never gets anywhere like!
• Rodger Lomax, the local action man, deep sea diver,nautical explorer,downhill skier, para glider,and sky diver.By land, air and sea,nothing is too dangerous for this local hero,at the grand age of 47 he managed to break his leg in three places,falling down pendle hill,causing considerable embarrasment to his poor long suffering family,an energy sapping trek for the rescue services who had to carry all 16 stones of our hero two miles over rough terrain and great hillarity for his workmates,who spent many fun hours easing the pain of there boring jobs,thinking up nom de plumes for their valiant friend. captain chaos,the bearded buckeneer and captain haddock being a few of the kinder ones. REMEMBER RODGER DONT STOP REACHING FOR THE SKIES
• A ceratin Mr Bowen once came to Earby and said "that's the gamble" he went home after a skinfull at the Station after barfing a big chow main down my Y-fronts
• Paul Xennon. The magician/illusionist for those of you who don't know him. Excellent at his job and a true famous earby resident.
• Earby's Favourite son, John Hirst, is back in town, he was responsible for the Gay Rights March in 1983, succesfully lifting Earbys Tabboo on homosexual activities. He first admitted his sexuality by confiding in his close friend, John Shires, who, although he listened, did't really understand what John meant when he said "I'm Gay" and just thought he was in a good mood that day, and therefore replied "Oh I am too". After this momentous moment in John Hirsts life it took him 6 years to really admit it, thus when he did admit it he sparked the Gay March, which saw John Hirst and John Shires marching through Earby wearing leotards with Fame t-shirts and leg warmers. Mr Shires was presented that day with a wall unit which he still has on show in his living room. Unfortuneatly John Shires never did quite understand what he was marching for that day, he thought it was the release of the film Fame, and thought his award was for being the best dancer of the day!!
• Norman Cooke my great cousin who started cooke and thortons shop in earby. martion d willis a popular young man with cerb al palsey who takes ages to get anyway in earby as everybody wants to talk to him or his mum. david lee another gentleman with learn ing disabilities who likes walking.
• VERN the green lizard who ripped yer hands to bits when Rabbit took him out of his cage
• Derek Emmanuel Smith - Local Policeman and manager of Earby Colts F.C., very famous in these parts, known to most earby and barlick residents.
• George Bush (ex USA president)
• Does Blake Morrison count? Yes I know he actually lived in Thornton, but since his parents were the Earby doctors I think we can claim him.
• The guy who wrote best-selling award winning novel 'Junk' (I forget his name and he's an off-comer anyhow).

Buskers, Street Entertainers

• Trig!! top fella.Inventor of the high velocity push iron dismount on his way back from the red lion.Ended up in the beck and was rescued by a good samaritan who got him to hospital.It opened up his appendix scar!(ask him for a look,he's in the con club right now! Karl...nuff said?
• Childy - "Does 'owt for less than 10 bob" - past stunts have included climbing up very large chimneys, skiing off garage roofs, jumping in the beck, jumping in the canal, streaking and numerous others which I can't remeber 'cos I'm a Frog. Please update (JMcI) to refresh my memory
• James Pickles, strips to his undies for 50p a time.
• The Afterglow. Top mod/punk/new wave cover band. Come from EARBY Lancs
• John Moon.....not an entertainer by choice. but when younger 15 ish years ago was an entertainment himself

The Knowhere Guide started out as a list of places to skateboard in the UK. It is a compilation of (unedited) information and views supplied by users like yourself. It is not a conventional tourist guide!

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Credits

Last updated: 2007-08-14