The Knowhere Guide

Best and Worst in Stonehaven, Aberdeenshire*

Stonehaven, Aberdeenshire Triumphs and Tragedies

Favourite Building

• shell house
• the Louvre
• feteresso castle but they killed it when they did it up and selt it to rich folk with no idea of history
• carron restaurant
• I no longer have a favourite building because it got ripped down instead of refurbished and opened again it is of course the commie wot a place wot a night you had in there worth more than 12 of the vennel Cannot belive it got levelled pretty upsetting!!!
• The Tardis
• Dunnottar castle pity about the unfriendly welcome there,but the castle is amazing.
• To those guys out there who i know,well knew quite dearly,i know they love the cells in the police station.Why would they go there so often other wise?
• commie
• My 'holiday' house on Dunnottar!
• The War Memorial (if that counts as a building). Not a marble celebration of death, but a Greek temple which appears to have been pitted with gunfire.
• station hotel,for obvious reasons.
• the station
• Bervie chipper!yum
• train station (when i left)
• The best buildings are ones which give you a good chance of gettin out of Stoney quickly, like the train station.
• Hook and Eye- its where we all grew up, admit it. So many memories!
• Outdoor Pool- where can you legitimately stare at women in underwear?
• The red shelter
• football ground "stoney juniors"
• Dunnottar Castle

Demolish It Now Building

• any building that contains the local pondlife and burn it down with them inside
• Divas!
• demolish the kennel and reopen the commie
• all new built houses and flats
• the whole of stonehaven. nobody'd miss it except the stupid locals, and nobody gives a crap about them
• every building but train station so u can get out
• most of stonehaven!
• all new dousing developments
• the Vennel with everybody init!!!
• Commie....Oops. It already has.
• the police station
• Commie....oh wait.....hahaha IT IS!!
• Without a shdow of a doubt, The Hankin Kennel.
• The Commy...wait...its gone. Breath a big sigh of relief (then cough up asbestos)
• Where 2 start?Mackie academy,a few particular houses with people inside them and the train station,its an embarassment to the town.
• MAKIE ACADEMY FULL OF SHEEP SHAGGIN STONEHAVERS
• Mackie,the GOD damned Here and Now,PLEEEAAASE!
• commie
• MAckie Academy. The Kennel.
• the council building!!!heh heh heh..wont give us a f*****g skatepark.
• The jehovas Witness building down the back lane near the beach!
• Unionist Club - fed up of the chanting coming from there
• The Vennel. SHITE HOLE is all that needs to be said.
• Commodore Hotel- if it doesn't fall down first. Where are you Tesco? The reputed owner of the site will hopefully open a shop here to compete with Sommerfield.
• mill'o'forest primary school.worst years of my life, should have stayed at arduthie.
• trannys flat please
• THE FENIAN CHURCH AND THE VENNEL
• The commodore hotel........make a skatepark!Well worth it
• the complete town!!!
• By the fact that there are now no more references to demolishing Jenny's house, can I now assume that someone has done the deed??
• The Police Station - Blow it up real good!
• G's- no explanation needed
• Mackie Academy- too many bad memories
• stoney bar
• Commodore Hotel - bought by Tesco years ago for redevelopment and now a bloody eyesore - the first building many visitors pass.
• The commador and the school
• The whole lot wouldn't go amiss
• Somerfield supermarket
• makie academy
• COMMY OR TOWN HALL. PREFERRABLE BOTH AND SOON.
• What on Earth have they done to Ramseys it is too bright and tacky now
• See 'Clubs'
• Commodore Hotel which has been derelict for three years and is an eyesore

The Best Things

• getting to leave at the end of my stay
• Booze
• you cant throw yourself of the cliffs without someone revoking your membership or telling your granny so suicide aint an option
• the best thing about stoney when i lived there was the amount of acid pills and mushies on offer and my introduction to all things sexual and underage.
• sitting down the harbour on a nice sunny day (when we get any) having a few drinks. cant beat it. and also the beach well the walk from the harbour to the beach, the people
• thinking of leaving
• I had sex on the war memorial!!! Nice view....
• Road out of Stonehaven in any direction
• The vast amount of loyalists throughout the town makes it a far better place. Simply the Best
• Smack Pies in the star.
• the amazing nightlife
• Drugs. Fun for all the Family.
• sadly its probably the vennel, the toilets have been the scene of many deflowerings of innocent 8 yr olds adn the dancefloor has been the site of many a concussion. its my dream to be a bouncer there one day, instant weight gain formula here i come....
• THE BEST THING ABOUT STONEY HAS TO BE THE ONLY GOOD FOOTBALL TEAM IN THE PLACE. THE NAME OF THAT TEAM?? STONEY NO DAE THAT!!! THE TEAM INCLUDES KRIS 'GOVAN' MATTHEWS, KEVIN 'DONK' MCMANUS MARK MCCOY, NEIL MCCOY, GARY MATTHEWS, RAB ' RAB SUPER RAB' AND GREGG 'CHOPPER' TAYLOR. STAND INS HAVE INCLUDED ROSS CRIGGIE , TITCH AND PAUL NICOL. WHAT A TEAM. THE TEAM WOULD NEVER BE WHERE THEY ARE THOUGH WITH OUT THE INFAMOUS PAUL 'BOB' HARLEY AS COACH. 25 GAMES IN A ROW UNDEFEATED. WELL DONE BOYS!!
• The road out,my bset mates house and K.C!!!
• It was a great place to grow up in. I hope it hasn't changed that much. Those of you who are still there, thank your lucky stars. There's many a worse place to be! And does anyone remember the midnight bathing and the stabbings at Stoney outdoor pool ? Or the notices in the middle of the summer at the entrance saying 'air temparature 57 degrees, water temperature 53 degrees ? Or sitting in C1 at Mackie Academy seeing the 09.25 train going south to London Kings Cross?
• THE GOLD MODIFIED SAXO
• Er....the roads and the railway line down south to civilisation
• Minneral Well,oh i could tell you a good few stories about that place.The memories and well,what i dont remember! Hahahaha, ah the days of getting WASTED!
• lushelberies
• The best thing in stonehaven is the sexiest lad called Steven Heinz.
• Well a certain Gary Mathews might argue that Kathy, the manager of Somerfield might eb included in this catagory. Apart from that the train station is good so you can get out! (When the bloody trains run on time which is ummmm never.)
• Fresh air!! Away from the big old city pollution
• my mum and dads house when I come back up from luton.theres always buttries and plenty of bru.realising that stoney isnt as bad as people think,ive just spent 4 years at luton uni and the whole town should be blown up
• Watching A. Glennie trying 2 pull "women" of a young looking age at the vennel on a saturday night,hes a class act.that goes for K carmichael as well.If ur there visiting with young daughters then dont let them oot after 7. S Gray and R morrison tend 2 go for the younger female as well
• The sign that says 'Welcome to Stonehaven' when someone wrote 'land of the lunatics' on it!
• View from the War Memorial overlooking the harbour. Walks in Dunottar Woods, cliff walk above Cowie. The rainbows over the sea.
• the right hander at the backies,the place i learned to surf.
• some great pubs.
• singing postie
• leaving!!
• Brickfield park!!!!!
• Wathcing all the 20 plus year old sleazing on the u16 female populace. Supurb.
• Kebabs
• Royal Madrid
• Lots of secret places to get up to mischief!!!
• Knowing almost everybody
• leaving
• Stoney's art deco olympic-sized heated salt water open air swimming pool is the only one left in all Britain! Find it on www.stonehavenopenairpool.co.uk. Check the great colour scheme, the constant water temperature (84 degrees F)the sun terraces with free sunloungers, the chute, the poolside cafe with hot and cold snacks, the sun awnings, the floodlights (midnight bathing every Wednesday)the occasional licensed BBQs on Sat nights. A day ticket **is** a day ticket - you can come and go all day on it! Also the adjacent caravan site, the adjacent bowling greens /indoor bowling / tennis / angling / football / miniature racing car grand prix track /harbour with pubs, Dunnottar Castle (used for Mel Gibson's Hamlet) etc etc. And by the way, Robert W Thomson was not "sad" - he really did beat Dunlop to create the first pneumatic tyre, amongst a string of other genius inventions!
• The fights
• David MacDonald is the best looking guy in Stoney. Give him a phone on 07769893813
• Get down to M&M's for a ride in one of the vibrosauns - way to go for a destress and unwind.
• The only heated outdoor olympic sized 50mtr. salt water pool of it's kind. It's always threated with closure, please don't let this happen I spent my childhood in that pool, so please pay it a visit this summer. Built in 1934. It's what Stonehaven is all about.
• its a pyscho town
• WATCHING KNOBS LIKE JAKE AND DAVID MAY GET LIFTED BY THE POLICE FOR TRYING TO ENCITE A RIOT OR STARTING ON A 12 YEAR OLD OUT SIDE THE VENNEL ON A SATURDAY NIGHT.
• The roads out of the town, and the railway line out
• The people
• Walking to Dunnottar Castle along cliffs
• Sea, Dunnottar castle, people, outdoor heated swimming pool
• Midnight Bathing at the unique open air swimming pool in June, July and August . The world famous Aqua Ceiligh also at the open air pool as part of the Stonehaven Annual Folk Festival Stonehaven Leiure Centre with a swimming pool, games hall, fitness room and loads of things to do. The pubs by the harbour...great pint and atmosphere
• To sit at the harbour side on a summers evening, as the sun goes down. Supping a pint, while eating al fresco. Or. A dip in the Heated Outdoor Seawater Olympic size swimming pool (the only one left in Scotland).
• The best thing about this place is getting a pint of beer from "The Marine Hotel" at the harbour and sitting on the harbour wall drinking it.
• Buy pie and chips, then sit down by the harbour eating them.

The Worst Things

• coming back to stonehaven
• Divas and Nicky Piccard(mink)
• most of the people who live in stoney are not even native and make all real stoney folk feel like outsiders
• the worst thing is all the fun drugs that did little harm have been replaced with smack and prob the biggest amount of skag heads per population anywhere in britian, glad i got out of that smack ridden dog shit city!
• the weather when it is sunny in the summer enerywhere else you can bet on fog here
• the stupid fucking locals, inbred and retarded, they ruin an otherwise nice town.
• staying. freaks from bervie, catterline and gourdon
• The wosrt thing by far must be romanys! Its a good night out if you want every wanker and their brother to sleeze on your girlfriend!
• housing developments with their overpriced crap kit houses
• NEDS ( 3rd years at Mackie academy)
• The minority of (what shall we call them) tims(just to be polite) that swarm around infesting our town with diseases as well as polluting our environment!
• Stoney Mafia! AHAHAHAHA! Tossers The sh1tty smell of Andrew Conner
• troupers
• The whole town!
• A piss poor Police Force, who have nothing better to do with themselves than ban bairns from wearing balaclavas.
• BLOODY NEDS THERES TOO MANY OF THEM ALL THINKING THEYRE HARD GOING ABOUT WITH THEIR RANGERS LOYALTY SHITE. FUCKING PRICKS THEY ARE. ESPECIALLY OE WITH A MOHICAN AND ALL HIS MATES
• dunnotar primary, i never went there but it looks like a prison and its right next to the court/police station, says it all really, i knwo people who went there and they actually enjoyed it (freaks), just look where they are now though: the star. NOT EVEN THE QUEENS - huge disappointment.
• People like Martin Lees who think they can go about beating the shit out of people for no apparant reason ALSO the police who never seem to notice Leesy and his 'gang' but instead harrass people walking home! GET A GRIP!
• The boy racers and their tarty cling ons. You know who you are!!
• THe beach,it's a well known fact to the residents that sewage is pumped out a few 100 yards from the main beach,gross!
• THE WHITE CORSA THAT GOES UP AND DOWN WITH THE 2 BRUNETTE GEEKS IN IT (I AM A FEMALE ABERDONIAN AND I GOT FOLLOWED AROUND BY THEM ONE AFTERNOON, MY CAR IS A BALCK MODIFIED CLIO AT FIRST I THOT THEY WERE INTERESTED IN THE CAR THEN REALISED IT WAS ME )
• well, there are a LOT. Mackie, the secondary (shit) school, no decent shops or food places
• Mineral Well,and not remembering it! To wet and cold at night,the grass gets cut so often and the little bits get EVERYWHERE.Oh and the beach,cmon,it sucks. wathcin other people spewin and tryin to hold thier hair back,mmmm!Also known for a lot of 'fondling' shall we say,the sand also gets EVERYWHERE!!
• Anytime Stephen Harper is Djing cause he plays music that everyone hates and he always has an selection of 10 year olds at his side, as he brags about his spot in the Music Industry even though he is a dirty old man trapped in a 19 year old's body.
• Wankers like Stephen Klessik who always walks around singing Secterian songs even though he doesn't know what the lyrics are about, and only sings them because he heard Robbie Hamilton singing them first.
• the council
• Men too old or men too young, never the right age. No Mcdonalds restaurant and the pub prices!! Well.....
• weegies who complain about the place,could you all fuck off back to glasgow and take your bigotary with you :0)
• All the the local bams,and the young sluts that hang about the square.
• All those lovely people that come up from glasgow (shite place,full of dicks) that think they own the place and all the oil rich scum ;0>
• NEDS NEDS and more NEDS
• The sign that says 'Welcome to Stonehaven'
• the right hander at the backies,many a sewerage related infection
• all the knobs who think weekends are just about fighting and intimidating people.
• singing postie
• small minded people
• No burds. There are too many cheeky young rods who think they're ace.
• Kebabs
• NEDS. LOTS OF THEM. You cannot get away from them. And people called Titch.
• AC Mill In the team that has more fall outs than a couple of kids fighting over a dummy. Their bound to have a great |Christmas night out but they will all need mobile phones to keeep in touch with the several groups seeing as their allegiences are so split right now, sort it out boys or you may just end up where you belong Divison 3
• The police- do some proper work for gods sake. Arrest people that are doing a crime, not someone having a laugh or walking home.
• Almost everybody knowing you and your business
• entering
• NEDS
• Some (but not nearly all) teenagers who think there's nothing better to do than hang about street corners drinking down alleys and abusing or obstructing their elders. Now **they** are the really sad people around here! Get a life you kids. It's a great place to be.
• gETTING STARTED ON BY JAKE OR DAVID MAY. ASO THE TWO-FACED GOSSIPING THAT GOES ON ALL THE TIME.
• The vennel nightclub All the people looking for a fight at weekends
• Ugly new developments everywhere! STILL no decent shops!
• The worst thing is the large amount of young "neds" with nothing better to do than start fights (though that may be to some peoples taste!)
• The steady growth of the town as a commuter suberb of Aberdeen. The conjestion and shortage of community facilities this brings.

The Knowhere Guide started out as a list of places to skateboard in the UK. It is a compilation of (unedited) information and views supplied by users like yourself. It is not a conventional tourist guide!

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Last updated: 2008-01-04