The Knowhere Guide

Other Stuff in St Helens, Merseyside*

St Helens, Merseyside Stuff You Don't Get Anywhere Else

The Stuff We Can't Fit In Somewhere Else

• People from st.helens are that tight they only breath in, inbred twats
• Bring back Johnny Leungs!!!!!!
• SCOUSERS LIKE TO SHOW SINT HELL INS TO VISITORS FOR A GOOD LAUGH AND IT NEVER FAILS.
• THE TOUR DES BIERES VERY SECRETIVE STAGED SPEED BOOZE CONSUMTION EVENT LOOSLY BASED ON THE TOUR DE FRANCE HELD ONCE A YEAR. INVITATION ONLY EVENT TO SERIOUS (AND I MEAN SERIOUS DRINKERS). NEVER BEEN WON BY ANY FEMALE, UNDER 24 YEAR OLD OR THOSE WITHOUT BEER GUT. AND YES I HAVE WON IT BUT I DONT KNOW HOW I SURVIVED. IT GETS BIGGER EVERY YEAR BECAUSE OF THE AMOUNT OF NEW BOOZERS OPENING UP. THE ONLY GIVE AWAY IS BYCYCLE CAPS OR JERSEYS BEING WORN ON AN INAPPROPRIATE EVENING.
• THEIR NOT ALL SCALLY'S FROM CHAIN LANE IT'S COZ U DON'T NO UM!!!!!!!
• that statue opposite the ymca where that minor looks like hes gonna ram his pick axe where the sun dont shine
• St. Cuthbert's High School was ranked one of the top 50 schools in britain. That is an acheivement. I think it was, or still is, number 39.
• We are lucky in St Helens to have our own traditional theatre....The Theatre Royal....when did you last go , why not give it a go ,and prove the cynics wrong that there is a place for art in St Helens. Culture is alive and well and living............
• Anyone ever noticed how all the clued up St.Helens folk are United fans, just like me? Oh yeah and power to the get out of Merkeydive campaign. I'm up for taking it to the streets, man.
• Sherdley show..the fair and the beer tent especially if it's one of those odd years when it doesnt rain at the end of july..
• Erm, as you know, alan's is good, the new gym near slaters is pretty customer friendly, and affordable to (only 2.50 for an unlimited sesh) I forgot to mention, All of the above is for Wigan!
• Being outspoken and strongwilled is the best heritage a St Helens person can have. I work in recruitment and a lot of the St Helens people go on to get really good jobs.
• Lets build lots of supermarkets !!!!
• I hate this town. I am embarrassed to have been brought up surrounded by such a weirdo inbred depraved bunch of rednecks. For the rest of my life I will be associated with never having sex outside of my immediate family and having an alarmingly low IQ thanks to my disgusting manky accent and obviousley woollyback surname. Most people I know in this town have some sort of warped perversion or nasty secret, and at every stage in my life have known of some sort of paedophile, dirty needle hoarder or sheep shagger. As a result I am desensitised to the beyond comprehensable kinks present only in the very depths of human nature for the rest of my life. I'll probably end up married to a transexual glass blowing kiddy fiddling glue sniffing pie maker who lost his virginity to his cousin and has webbed feet and one bollock and think it's everyone else that has problems.
• why whenever an estate gets demolished does the shit get put on clinkhamwood????????????
• NICE LADIES DONT LIVE IN PARR
• the overall problem...... the people who make st helens the hell hole it is are the people who never leave and breed here. the people who could help st helens change are the one's who see it for what it is and leave as soon as they possibly can. i don't blame them for this, it's what i'll be doing but because of this st helens will never change.
• put your hand up if you are from st helens and you haven't got AIDs
• I'm from Earlestown which is a dump but visiting St.Helens makes me feel middle class.
• Love the Dialect, where else can you go into the chippy and ask for a split and fish?
• playing wag and swimming in the hotties in the nack
• Billinge is in st.helens not wigan
• TANFASTIC TANNING SALON THE BEST PLACE TO GET A CRACKING TAN IN ST HELENS. ITS CHEAP AND GENUINE. 25 TOLVER STREET. BEHIND THE TOWN HALL.
• The SOAP AID concert was held at Knowsley Road in 1986. This followed hot on the heels of the hugely successful world rock spectacular LIVE AID. Soap Aid comprised a day long 'concert', with such greats as 'SALLY WEBSTER' off Coronation Street wearing a shocking orange outfit.PERCY SUGDEN playing his banjo, The cast of Grange Hill performing their 'MASSIVE' chart hit 'just say no!'. Other big name celebs...Amos and Mr Wilkes off Emmerdale. Fortunately,the concert was given a bit of credibility by the appearance of MARRILLION.Early into their performance however...a bit of handbags broke out in the stands...to which Mr Fish referred to the culprits as 'Wuckin-Fankers' (or something like that!) At the end there was a huge spectacular finish, where everybody came back on the stage and performed a very memorable rendition of a song, who's title escapes me at present. The audience were encouraged to get really excitable for the TV cameras...especially the second time, as the original finale was not spectacular enough...peace!
• In the 1950s the government used Mullock Heath, a park on the outskirts of St.Helens, as a testing ground for its chemical and biological weapons. This fact was only revealed in 1987, when local residents took the MOD to court for allegedly causing damage to the health of their children (St.Helens has the highest rate of children born with genetic defects in the country).
• Hilda Fleming shops there and returns goods ther
• Nexus is shit - I once saw Mike Flowers (as in POPS) sat at the bar, wearing a black Roll neck sweater and banging a Tamborine. Also Bev from Brookie once told me to Fuck off in there. It attracts this nice sort of people
• Claim to fame? - I was once told that the Pilkington Head Office was used in the Gerry Anderson TV series - UFO I think? any evidence to prove/disprove this?
• Everyone thinks we're scousers, well WE AREN'T!
• no jobs whatsoever
• The best piccalilie in the whole world is Bartons pickles in lascelle st. It Just has to be said.
• I don't think anyone has mentioned that terrible program that was on Granada about Cowley High. Or that the clothes show did program there once.
• The World Bank has described St Helens Borough as one of the bottom 5 places in all of Europe in terms of total livability/ expectations / education you name it. It was right down there with Gdansk and Widnes. And the obvious conclusion having been in the place is that St Helens is a kind of Orwellian creation - the place where nobody goes to, but somehow settles down to if they cant even tread water. Rationalise as you may but its one of the worst kind of dumps. Keep taking the soma.
• Locals who call the town Sint'Ellens are right!! It was named after Saint Ellyn, who blessed a holy well on the site of Windleshaw Abbey, now part of the cemetary. Even the Parish Church has "forgotten" that and is named after some St.Helen.
• The atmosphere. We may not be the richest people, we may not be the cleverest of people, but no matter what we are the friendliest of people. Although there occasionally can be an air of violence in a night club this is usually brought about by a foriegner (eg. a scouser or a pie eater). Other than that our time is spent playing rugby, flirting with the opposite sex, making absolute idiots of ourselves, and getting pissed.
• A top local music scene , a thriving musicians collective, dozens of CDs have been released over the years independently by various creative forces .
• I lived in St. Helens for 14 years from 1978 to 1991, and it is true it does have an atmosphere all of it's own. It takes a log time to fit in, after 14 years I still felt like an outsider. I'd describe St. Helens as a grotty northern town. Don't bother going unless you really have too.
• What about the 'split'. Where else in the world can you go into a chippy and ask for a split without being looked at strangely ? St Helens is the perfect place to live for accessibility. It is surrounded by an orbital network of motorways (M6,M62,M58,M57). Apart from London (of course), Birmingham and now Manchester i don't think there are any other cities/towns with an an orbital motorway.
• I regularly get sent clippings from the St. Helens Star and Reporter. Evertime I recieve on there is a stomach churning headline. YOUTHS MUG HARMLESS OLD MAN etc. This saddens me.
• Well done Sheffield Eagles for stuffing those Wigan *&%*£$%* at Wembley 1998....!!!!
• Scuba diving - best club for miles, northern union, bsac club, meet every tuesday parr baths at 8.45pm...really friendly lot.
• Knowsley Safari Park must surely come under St H. It's mentioned on T.V so it must be good!
• Jonathon Baylis is a lizard.
• Haydock has got a new cricket ground.
• Haydock has it own sex shop.
• St.Helens is home to the one and only Gridhead.
• St. Helens is pronounced by the locals as Sn-Tellins.
• Tell them Wiganers to keep their pie-eating fingers off Haydock Park racecourse.
• The St Helens Show at Sherdley Park is the biggest free show in Europe.
• Has anyone mentioned our town is famous for glass?
• Please inform any ignoramouses that we are not part of Liverpool!!!
• The link road has now been built for easy access to get out of town.

The Knowhere Guide started out as a list of places to skateboard in the UK. It is a compilation of (unedited) information and views supplied by users like yourself. It is not a conventional tourist guide!

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Last updated: 2008-05-15