The Knowhere Guide

Best and Worst in Glasgow, Strathclyde*

Glasgow, Strathclyde Triumphs and Tragedies

Favourite Building

• Ibrox stadium is soooooo cool
• Glasgow University
• Ibrox much more classier than Parkhead
• Buchanan Galleries shopping mall it is so modern
• The Art School. Have you ever looked at the fucker??
• City Chambers
• Tonbridge Castle is quite impressive, and set in lovely grounds next to the river Medway.
• Royal infirmary. Very gothic and mysterious.
• The one where the Kebab Palace is situated. Either that or KelvinGrove Galleries.
• Luma Tower, the amazing white 30's style block overlooking the M8 on the south side (near Clyde Tunnel turnoff). This building has gone through every stage of evolution, from caravan salesroom (imaging two caravans perched precariously within the glass tower at the top of the building) to now-trendy residential flats. A gem of architecture which was saved from demolition three years ago...
• Heron House on Bothwell Street

Demolish It Now Building

• Bonkers niteclub
• Sauchiehall St Shopping Centre. Its a waste of space.
• Most of the place should be demolished except George square and nearby candlerigs. Little else of architectural merit.
• Parkhead - it's falling down already
• Tay House. That joke just is't funny any more
• All the dodgy 60s concrete monstrosities at Glasgow Uni
• Archaos
• Strathclyde University.Of course I'm biased!
• Ibrox
• The college of Building and Printing. A fucking eye sore...seventies architects.
• The Lighthouse Project
• glasgow in general with its sad bigoted narrow mindedness should be flattened (BYE THE WAY) get a life you saddos and stop saying SHREE!! BRAKEFAST!!GINGAAH!!GIRO!!

The Best Things

• Oh,lots of stuff... my mates, largely! The crowd that hang out in the places that I go to, the fact of living in a very European city, the late licences, the exciting events that come here... lots of stuff.
• Flip, Flip basement, hanging about at the Modern Art gallery.
• the west end, the excellent pubs, the botanic gardens in summer, shops, good music venues, loadsa cool folk, the way that that if you listen to the drunk old men they actually say things with sound political meaning such as 'fuck the queen, i'm off to my bed', the fact that speaking in glasgow accent will get you fear anywhere........ HISTORY
• The people, the pubs, the clubs, the shops. Plenty of culture with a laid back atmosphere.
• Clubs..Clubs..Clubs!!
• you can get some great dodgy deals
• VISITORS TO THE CITY MAY LOVE OR LOATHE IT BUT THE TRUE LOVE FOR THE CITY BY GLASWEIGANS WILL NEVER BE OVERSHADOWED! THE PEOPLE ARE AMONGST THE MOST GENUINE, DOWN-TO-EARTH SOULS YOU'LL FIND. THERE'S NO AIRS AND GRACES AND EVERYONE IS TREATED AS A FELLOW COMMRADE! THE WIDE CONNECTIONS WITH NORTHERN IRELAND/ IRELAND IN THE CITY ARE SOMETHING PEOPLE ARE VERY PROUD OF. THERE MAY BE BITTERNESS WITH THE DIFFERING RELIGIONS OF THE TWO RIVAL TEAMS BUT THE PEOPLE OF NORTHERN IRELAND AND THE REPUBLIC WILL ALWAYS BE MADE TO FEEL AT HOME BY LOADS OF PEOPLE IN THE CITY WHO FEEL STRONG IN THE TROUBLES AROSS THE WATER! THIS FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN THE THE TWO IS EVIDENT AT THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WHO TRAVEL BACK AND FORWARD BETWEEN THE TWO COUNTRIES.
• Glasgow City centre - it's so full of life, everybody getting down to it, enjoying themselves, I love the place.
• Pubs, clubs, architecture, the buzz, the music, the shops
• The nightlife The cathouse The blokes
• The 'Clockwork Orange'- Glasgow's train set - that updated piece of mastery which ensures that the stranger, the incapacitated or the unsound in mind can never get lost through the miracle of Victorian forthought of returning them eventually but safely to where they started off. Unlike London where you can spend a small part of your life trying to get out of that maze they call an Underground or end up abandoned in mid suburbia at some god forsaken 'end of line'.
• Tonbridge boasts three of the best schools in the country; Tonbridge School, Judd and the Girls Grammer. There is some very attractive countryside around the town, very popular with walkers. It's not as snobby or expensive as Tunbridge Wells!
• Partick Thistle live in Glasgow
• When in Glasgow take advantage of the Arts-buy The List, and check out galleries, operas, concerts, movies, clubs, exhibits, plays there's loads going on and you can get tickets cheap (especially if your a student)
• The non bigotted side of Glasgow ---Partick thistle "THE JAGS"
• Pubs and Offies that serve under-agers The birds The bevvy The students
• Best place for living? Southside. But shh...
• The end of the football season.
• Kelvinbridge Park on sunny days.
• Good pubs for sure.
• Good music: Glasgow Green for the World Pipe Band Championships. (That's two in a row for Canada. A far cry from the Strathclyde Police Powerhouse of the 1980's Championships.
• Excellent clublife: Sub-Club on Saturday & Thursday.
• Check out the city's West End for the best in pubs, clubs, music shops and generally weird and wonderful characters. Also the weekend market at the Barrowland which still doubles as the city's best music venue at nights. (Closely followed by King Tut`s Wah Wah Hut). P.S. Forget the mainstream appeal of local music like Simple Minds and Wet Wet Wet - wait for new Glasgow band Bis - new music for 1996 and sure to be the next Big thing.
• The best thing about Glasgow are/ were the HUGE sumo wrestlers who dwelt behind St. Enoch Center!
  Sadly the sumo wrestlers are no longer in residence.
• Brian Laudrup at Rangers F.C.
• Best Bars: Bar Miros, the Gate, Nicos, the Big Blue, Cul de Suc.
• Love Boutique at the Arches, 1st Saturday of each month. Best Night: Saturday night at the Sub Club or the Art School.
• Best thing about Glasgow is definitely the people - do not be alarmed if strangers talk to you at bus stops as if they have known you all their lives, or if wee men in pubs offer to buy you a pint and talk to you all afternoon about eveything and nothing. Worst thing - unfortunately - the weather, although we had a belter of a summer in 1995. Maybe Glasgow will be the only place to actually benefit from global warming! NEW - 1996 Festival of Visual Arts and new Gallery of Modern Art round the corner from the Rogano - well seen that bloody National Lottery is good fur somethin'!
• The women

The Worst Things

• The neds - Please stop wearing yourtrousers too short and those awful white scrunchie slouchie socks over them. Caps are supposed to be worn ON the head and not perched at the back with the peaks pointing up. Gents - PLEASE ditch the super dooper hold gelled fringes; Ladies (ahem!) - acid perms and high pontails are most definately out - as s getting up the duff at 13 and cursing your illegitimate kids with names such as Chantelle, Mercedes, Tyler and the such like.
• This prick called "Astro" who is destroying some of Glasgow's most attractive buildings with his mindless, stupid, egotistical graffiti in an attempt to make a name for himself. Come on Astro, come into the real world, you don't live in The Bronx or the London Underground. If you want to live the fantasy fuelled life of a "home boy" then fuck off out of Glasgow and go find a blank canvas somewhere else....cos you aint impressing anybody here, you are a pain in the ass and quite frankly an embarassment to this city. Why don't you get a fuckin job!
• The spotty, heroin ridden, government benefits shark bloke who sits on the Suspension Bridge from 09:00 to 18:00 asking unsuspecting tourist who have wandered off their map-planned track if they have" Annnnnnnnie schperrrrr channnnngee furr ra homeless" in a tone which reflects someone whose palate has stuck to his tongue or that of the "Jamsie Cotter" character from Rab C.Of course we all know this bloke is by far more affluent than all the people who have visited this site in the past 4 months put together. If you come across this bloke, please treat him with the disdain he deserves, in fact you may freely throw him into the Clyde or even shower him with your saliva as he does nothing for the true cosmopolitan real life story of Glasgow in the new milennium. (If you are an observant dude you will notice the "North Face" sleeping bag he sits on, which costs around £150 from the more reputable camping stores around the city)
• Neds, high rise flats, crime, violence, drugs, bigotry, Glasgow uni students.
• All the scumbag junkies who have disgraced the brilliant idea that was the big issue. These junkies are an embarrassment to Glasgow....A city that has always been proud of the hard working man. Genuine homeless have been scared off from the city by these leaches with their drugs at all cost mentality. Glasgow should clear the streets of this scum. It doesn't help tourism or the image of the city.
• TAKING A CASUAL STROLL THROUGH GLASGOWS WEST END (e.g. WOODLANDS) OR PERHAPS KELVINGROVE PARK YOU CAN WITNESS A FAST GROWING TREND WHICH HAS REALLY STARTED TO ANNOY ME.I AM TALKIN ABOUT THE GROUPS OF YOUNG ASIAN TEENS WHO MOPE ABOUT THE STREETS (OR PARKS) LIKE REJECTS FROM A BAD RAP VIDEO.THEY ALL SEEM TO HAVE THIS ANNOYING ATTITUDE PROBLEM THAT THEY ARE THE GANGSTAS OF GLASGOWS WEST END. ALSO THEY HAVE AN ANNOYING HABIT OF WRITING "WEST SIDE" ON WALLS BECAUSE THEY COME FROM THE WEST END JUST LIKE BLACK AMERICANS. THEY ALL THINK THEY ARE BOYZ N THE HOOD BUT THEY ARE REALLY JUST ANNOYING LITTLE BOYS WHO NEED TO TAKE A LONG HARD LOOK AT THEMSELVES. I MEAN IM NOT RACIST IN THE SLIGHTEST BUT A LOT OF THESE ASIAINS ARE PREJUDICE AGAINST WHITES AS THOUGH WE DONT BELONG HERE THIS IS PROBABLY DUE TO THE WHOLE BLACK POWER IMAGE WHICH IS BECOMING EVER POPULAR IN ETHNIC SUBURBIA.
• The worst thing about Glasow is the other team rangers.
• The neds. The third-rate anti-social underclass who are so lacking in self respect and so full of self-loathing that they feel the need to drag everything down to their level.
• THE WEST END IS FULL OF WHINING TRENDY GOSSIPS
• Yes the worst things are definetely the neds-you can identify these creatures by their trademark white tracksuits and matching cap. For some unknown reason these people wear their large socks up over their white tracksuit bottoms-an unexplained phenonmenon which exists only in Glasgow. They tend to congregate on street corners drinking a local wine known to some glaswegians as 'buckie'. Fortunately this does not describe the large section of the city's population because Glasgow does have have great people who are very friendly but just avoid those dressed in white!!!
• bigotry - idiots who know nothing about history, politics, or the point of bloody football, which is surely to have a good time.
• I'm from Liverpool but my Nan lives in Glasgow. The worst thing is the smelly scally types who wear the most shockingly tacky clothes and haven't moved out of 1994. What's with the fringes????? oh and Polyester is dead. urgggh
• the weather, the neds
• The neds and bonkers!
• Where are all the skateparks? The only one in Glasgow is Queen's Park, but there are so many boarders about that we need about three more!
• Never work at Havana - the male boss is a complete tosser and the clientele aren't that great either. Plus working 6pm- 3.30am with 1 15 min break is never going to be that fun is it? Then you leave just as Bonkers is emptying...
• The rain. It never stops. NEVER.
• the whole celtic and rangers thing. puts normal people off the great city of glasgow
• The Polis - they're everywhere!
• THE LACK OF MONEY IN SOME OF THE AREAS OF THE CITY. IN THE SUBURBS OF GLASGOW THE LACK OF MONEY LEADS TO POVERTY AND SOCIAL DEPRIVATION. THIS GREY IMAGE, UNFORTUNATLY, CURRENTLY OVER SHADOWS THE REST OF GLASGOW AND THE CITY IS STEREOTYPED INTO 'THE REAL, HARD EVIL CITY' WHICH IT REALLY ISN'T.
• Neds: if you don't know what a ned is, here is a brief description. Roughly 90% of Glaswegians are neds this means they are: short, wearing tracksuits with the socks rolled up. In posession of a wet-look haircut or dodgy perm. Called Paul, Desmond, Chantale, Marie, Sharon, Tracy or Lindsay. Have a single parent mother who is only six years older than them. Left school before 16, have been in prison. Walk about shouting "AYE, AYE, AYE, AYE" and punching random people. Drink Pulse Cider. Jens Muhlert is still the worst thing about Glasgow, however
• Glasgow is the dirtiest major European city I have ever visted. Just take a few moments to look at the ground, the pavements and in particular the garden areas at the side of every road and you will see the real meaning of recycling rubbish. The worst thing is that it's the people that make it that way.
• Rangers and Celtic and their bigoted, gloryhunting fans
• All the fuck wit male neds who have jaggy fringes and tracky bottoms tucked into their socks, who spend all their giros on "sovvies" to adorn their manky fingers, and call their illegitemate children names like Chantelle, Tyler and Roxanne. All the fuck wit female neds who have straight fringes but tight gel hardened curly hair in numerous scrunchy things, and think it's the height of fashion to wear pink irrediscent lipstick with no foundation, and have their ears pierced 17 times in each ear, and are called names like Stacey, Tracey, Macey, and Casey.
• partick thistle live there
• Traffic gridlock down the High Street during the rush hour.
• The Underground is so slow and decrepid (watch your head as you go in), if you can figure out the bus system use it, and if its not raining hoof it
• The curfew may be gone but the city now has a public drinking ban. So the long summer days with a can with Kelvingrove park are a thing of the past.
• Jens Muhlert The birds Archaos Kappa trackies
• The Rangers/Celtic, Protestant/Catholic football stupidity. How many of these people are religious???? Or are they just brain dead?
• Still the weather.
• Bigots on both sides of the religious divide.
• The Curfew - The post-1990 hangover as the bars resort to regular hours.
• The totally fucked up Massive Attack concert at the Arches. The people responsible should be shot dead - at least!!!!!!!
• Perpetual rain

The Knowhere Guide started out as a list of places to skateboard in the UK. It is a compilation of (unedited) information and views supplied by users like yourself. It is not a conventional tourist guide!

In most cases, the information in each section has been submitted by more than one contributor (the credits at the bottom of the page list some, but not all, of the contributors) and some of it dates back to the 1970s.

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Credits

Last updated: 2007-11-19