The Knowhere Guide

Eating and Drinking in St Albans, Hertfordshire*

St Albans, Hertfordshire Pubs, Cafes, Coffee Shops and Restaurants

Food

• H & H is full of old men doing press-ups on the tables. This man once bought a cheeseburger from there (noting the service provided by Go-KaN!), and ate the cheeseburger. Then he filled the carton with ink, and presented it to Gokan, asking "What the hell do you kids think you're playing at!". Gokan swelled to four times his original size, and crushed the old man with one finger. Then he took the ink, and poured it into the cheeseburger machine. To this day, I don't know why he did that. But it was cool.
• Go to Woolworths.. it's the best place for a picnic in the whole world. Spread out your blanket (or man-slave) on the floor, and sit upon him with cheese toasties (normal standard) and cups of tea. You can sit there all day, and no-one will object. Sometimes, the Woolworth's staff will come and serenade you with violins. This is often pleasant, but it's probably not a good idea to encourage it.
• Henry Higgins chip shop, sublime.
• Mumtaj, opposite that old cinema, london road!! its the muts nutts, great food
• Gokan is currenly being sliced and made into burgers at the H and H Takeaway near the railway bridge. So, if you want to get a warm part of Gokan inside you, now is as good a time as any.
• H & H is fun, not for the food, which is often burnt, but for the Gokan, which is always hot and tasty.
• Gokan is our man-slave. We crept into H&H at night and captured him, and then zipped him into a spare gimp suit as soon as we had him in our clutches! We invite you all to come round to play with him! He's tame and lovely and he cooks for you too!
• H and H is the place to go, any night! The wonderfully sexy hot macho man Gokan is there! He shakes his hips! He makes sarcastic comments! We love him!
• Gokan is great if you want to be fed, and not only that, he's excellent in bed! He's handsome, he's macho, and I'm sure you'll agree that he's the man for me! Go! Gokan! Go! Watch the kebab juice flow! Go! Gokan! Go! Watch the kebab juice flow! Gokan is lovely and so is H&H! The sight of him brings a big smile to my face! Chikin and chips for one pound fifty.. the place to go if you are thrifty! THE THING THAT MAKES MY LIFE COMPLETE IS HIS MASSIVE ROTATING PILLAR OF MEAT! Go! Gokan! Go! Watch the kebab juice flow! Go! Gokan! Go! Watch the kebab juice flow! THE THING THAT MAKES MY LIFE COMPLETE IS HIS MASSIVE ROTATING PILLAR OF MEAT!
• H & H Kebabs are the best! And why? Well, because they have THE GOKAN! He is the perfect man! He gets all the girls because they love his big rotating pillar of meat.
• They did food at the Fighting Cocks, but only until 9 o Clock. After that, they yelled at us because we talked about cooking.
• Verulam School is the most fun place to eat.. their food is tasty, and often cheap.
• The Peking Chinese on the corner of Sandfield and Hatfield road
• I recomend H&H kebabs. They sell the best burgers I have ever eaten. Somebody I know once ate a Kebab there and got so exited he went to the owner and said "that was the best f*ckin kebab I have ever eaten, theres no elephant leg in this one, you must of stuck a whole f*ckin sheep in it." Dont go anywhere else.
• pizza hut dominos pizza mc donalds burger king etc
• FOOD! Endless takeaways on London road! If you physically NEED a pizza after closing time then check out H&H pizzas and burgers. Mumtaj is a good curry house. Casa Bianca is the best *proper* Italian. Burger King milkshakes are top. THE PASTY SHOP IN FRENCH ROW!!!!
• Macdonalds suck big time now. Go to Robbie's Cafe, in Rowlatt Drive. It's hot!
• Food Food is nice. Not too much or u get fat and they dont let u in studio 54. Harrrys donuts at the gasworks in Hatfieldrd, excellent munchplace.
• H&H sucks now! It's full of moron trendy thugs, like Ugly Kid's Friend. But nowadays, Rob just pats him on the back, and he gets more and more annoyed...
• H&H Kebabs do a great "Barrel of Oil", as they call it, and their staff are lovely too..
• I like to shop in Tescos. Reason is that Safeway is full of unruly verulam school students, who Amanda throws out and ties to the fence. Waitrose is where Robbie works, and Tim spotted his Minty-Fresh car in the car park. Sainsburies is where Steve used to work, plunging his chopper into meat.
• H.K. Kebabs cos they have nice cheese burgers
• Eat at the Cafe des Amis near the Our Price in the Marketplace. The chicken livers are to die for.
• cheongs take away on vesta avenue. i only have to phone up and they know me by name! or after the horn closes, hk kebabs on london rd, (or victoria st (nice and new))

Pubs

• The King's Arms? That hasn't been a pub since about 1996. All the Verulam Indie kids used to drink in there, whilst us Beaumont indie kids prefered the Peahen (when it was dingy, with a big turtle shell on the wall above the door to the bogs).
• Every year, the St. Albans Shaihan Snogging championship takes place in the White Swan, and many attractive men from the surrounding area cluster in the White Swan to get a chance to snog Shaihan. At 7.30, Shaihan is released into the pub, and he has an hour to drink as much as he can. Then, the men are released, and they must take every opportunity they can to snog Shaihan as much as possible. Crowds gather from many surrounding towns to view this spectacle. James Seals has won in the last four years, and looks set to continue doing so.
• The Fighting Cocks has a very misleading title. Me and my friends went there to watch some cocks fight, and not a single cock fought the whole night. We even brought a whole load of angry roosters, and they asked us to leave. Now the bear baiting in the Inn-Shops has stopped too, there's nowhere for medeival sports entheusiasts to go.
• "The Whiskey Pub" in Fishpool Street. Lots of drunks, but a good atmosphere.
• Firkin + Fighters are bestest. We also like Hot Coles, especially when they undercharge you. Or go to the keys and laugh at the Townies.
• St. Albans is full of good pubs. Pretty much all of them are alright, they just have the odd bad night.
• Pubs? Wherever the bouncers dont look too hard. Especially the Fighters (there are no bouncers) and if you are prepared to swallow your pride, The Cricketers. If you are a little older than 16 then any of the pubs will do and there are many to choose from. I got into the Firkin once, that was nice.
• The Duke of Marlborough does not like families. Unless both parents are under 18.
• Go to the Firkin on a Tuesday/Wednesday night! Don't forget your green shirt, though.
• so who else has heard that the firkins gonna become an oneals. shame. the firkin was grewat until it killed itself off by droping its bands, banning its regulars, getting rid of its wood, moving its stage, having dj nights, and then (the final straw) charging to get in!) poo.
• the horn reborn
• Fighting Cocks is god, the Firkin is the suckest! They are now charging the moronic sum of THREE QUID to play with them of a Friday Nite! Whores!
• If you go to the fighting cocks, you can smash as many ash trays as you like, but beware burning phallically shaped man penis, especially in front of alison and rosie, as some barmaid will throw you out. Trust me, I know..
• Paul Ray pours the pints at the Horn, and he is the king of it.. he pours the white froth with little problems, and fills the pint glass right to the top each time, often it overflowing.
• There's squillions of pubs in St. Albans, from really quiet locals to "havin' it large" pubs in the centre of Town. Noone agrees on which are the best, it's a total matter of opinion. Too make huge over simplifications: if you like dance and trendy stuff you'll probably like the Vintry or the Peahen. If you in to rock or skateboarding, you'll probably like The Fighting cocks, the Horn or the Firkin. If you like live bands of all sorts from 60s to 90s heavy rock to cheesy classics then the latter two are good for you too. The Bell and O'Neils are over 21 pubs so you can normally avoid the severely under aged there. everyone says they hate the cross keys but it's always packed because it's cheap and you can wear trainers (unlike the peahen and the vintry etc)The Fleur has DJs that do garage and house and whatever else, so that's quite happening too. Other than that, most of the pubs are a bit quieter. Except for the best of the London Colney pubs, which are definitely worth a visit even if you don't live very close.
• The Horn reborn is very good, especially when THE BRINK are playing one of their original sets.
• Lots of pubs, the yocals usually go to the Firkin on Friday nights. I tend to go to the Horn to see the bands and the yocals will be there like Dante 1 and 2 they are both funny in the head, The Messiah, Moody, and The Chikin amongst others
• I like the young men in the Fighters pub and the Horn
• If you're into lots and lots of fun bar staff, tasty food and dancing old people, then the Fighting Cocks is the place. You can even buy beer there! It's near the park, so you can go and burn stuff on the big concrete square.
• The Fighting Cocks, now that the garden is open, and Andy has fixed the lights, in between canoe meetings, and Ginger is back. Their fruit machings suck though.
• Ye old fighting cocks:-Staff is wonderful, food is homecooked and good value, though serves better bitters than largers!!
• go see andy at the fighting cocks and tell him you want him to dance for you. he does it y'know. ...and it doesnt cost much. but make sure you ask for drink not food. cos they stop serving food too early to get fat.
• I would love to know where the hell normal 20 somethings go in this bloody town
• If you like people of the same sex, the White Swan is the best Gay pub in St. Albans. However, if you're not gay, you may get picked up on if you go there. Shaihan got snogged by James Seals there, against his will!
• The Horn Reborn - The name says it all dont go there - Full of alternative freaks Vintry, Goat, Xkeys, Fighting Cox are fantastic , to name a few The White Hart Tap, The Great Northern, and the Firkin act as the local 'Creches' of a saturday evening. Where all kids under 18 in St.Albans congregate
• Let me introduce you to some of the characters in the Firkin (known to everyone in St. Albans as the F'Kin!). Now, if you go outside, especially on a Friday, you may spot one of the following people: Kinglsey: Tall, spiky hair, very disturbing. He likes making films, looking surprising, singing Song 2 in a high voice, and lying on the pavement. Mark: He is the same as Phil out of Waynes World ("Woah! It's Phil! Hey, Phil.. you gonna spew? Spew into this".) He sticks Budweiser bottles up his nose, and goes to college. Dave: He once tried to make a glass pyramid. Steve: He likes to cause mayhem whilst moshing to Clear Cut, he drinks Guinness, and now has spiky hair. Chris: He wears a big leather coat, he drinks water, he is a subversive and once tried to blow up the maltings. Robbie: He likes to mix strange drinks, he has a pint hole on the table, and he puts out fires. Adrien: He has a tattoo and a red mini, and he has lots of phones. Dildo Man: He is a strange man who walks about with a dlido in one hand, laughing evilly.
• The Fighting Cocks is the best pub for freaky people to go to, now that the goat has closed. You can always spot a bunch of strange people burning stuff. Sometimes you can go to the Firkin, generally known about St. Albans as the "F'Kin!" for reasons unknown. Most of the bands their suck, but it's now open until 12.00, and you can sit on the last table along where all the cool people go, including Kingsley and "Phil out of Waynes World" The table also has "O <-- Robbie's Pint" written on it, which brings back fond memories!
• The Vintry won't let fat people in. They suck in this respect. Also, the Fighting Cocks is full of Greeks. And they don't serve Stella any more.
• DON'T GO TO THE GOAT ANY MORE!!! The pub has recently come under new management(mid '99), the Alternative crowd has moved out and you now have to be over 21 and wear smart clothes, no jeans no trainers, to get in. As an alternative try the Beehive on London road, friendly, intimate, and a great music quiz on tuesday nights. Other good spots include The White swan by WHSmiths(cheap Guinness), and the Hare and Hounds on Sopwell Lane.
• Oh, if you want little kids, go to the Duke of Marlborough... that's actually a youth club. No, the F'ting C'cks wins our first place, especially in the summer, with the F'kin coming a close second.
• Go to the Fighting Cocks, because their staff are great. They have Ginger, who rocks, and showed his ariel to Caff, and accused Adrien of giving head to his bottle. Also they have Chris 1, who came to Paul's gig at the horn, and all sorts of others, and there's a cat who stands on tables when you need to take druggy arty photos. However, the best member of staff is Andy the Glass Collector, who will do anything you ask him .. he did a dance, jumped down some steps and even posed seductively for us! We love Andy!
• Fighting cocks. but beware of the low celing
• The Crossed Keys is a great pub for young drinkers, although due to recent cctv installations in St. Peters Street, they have started IDing. At least that should lower the average age to about 17. No music there, but is definitely the place to meet people you know.
• Don't go to the Goat if you value your sanity.
• The goat, packed and cool. I shall never understand how there jukebox works (seems to skip between 80's, death rock, pop, folk, etc) The Firkin- tacky but livley. The Fighting cocks - especially nice now the gardens open (but dont smash glasses or i promise you, you do get dissliked :) ) The X keys is only good at lunch times when they do two meals for a fiver
• The Goat is by far the best alternative pub
• The Fighting Cocks is one of the oldest pubs in GB and is a pretty cool place for a warm summer night.
• The Goat is a superb pub 18-30 sort of age range - alternative crowd nicest doormen in the world. The Adelaide is sooo goddamn aweful, full to lager louts with attitude.
• From what I can remember, the Adelaide, in Adelaide Street, was worth a far better mention than it got. I found the atmosphere pretty cool and the guy that runs it, Ricky, was really great.
• The best pub used to be the Crystal Palace - London Road, this unfortunately got demolished to make room for office blocks - but many good times had there. Otherwise St Albans is OK.
• Fishpool Street makes a great pub crawl. This is the city with the most number of pubs within a square mile. Sorry but I can't remember how many but it is around 65 when I last checked.

Cafes and Coffee Shops

• The Slut Cafe in Woodstock Road is always fun. It's full of sluts, and they like to perform lewd acts with Frank. Many men cluster to view the slut-party. Then Frank will stick his organ in a grinder.
• Last time I got drunk, I built a coffee shop in my drunken stupor. It sucks, though. I called it "Mr T is in Paradise", and it's on that road that Dave Atkins lives on. Near Waitrose. Come in and drink Herbal Tea. Or sugar. Or warm ribena. Don't actually. It's really embarrasing. I wish I hadn't built it. But you can't change the past...
• You can't eat raw bread!
• The Engam Coffee Bar is always cool, and you can sit there all morning, causing mild surprise to Murali, who is the hottest lecturer. Fido wants to be a lecturer, and Nick and Daisy want to seduce Murali on live radio. This will make good listening. Stay tuned.
• For hot coffee, the best place to go is Paul's Coffee Shop, in Fudge End.. here, you can buy coffee in very small cups, or even smoke the stuff! They also cook Chicken for you, and show amazing movies on the TV screens. The garden is an experience in it's own, with the 'road sign' theme making it look thoroughly spectacular. Watch out for the fish pond though. They also don't cook their rolls properly.
• Safeway is the best! They have Coffee, and Slush Puppies, and tame animals, and the coolest members of Staff... Charmayne, Pat, Sharon, Adrian, the ginger guy who got sacked for jacking off in the coridoor, and of course Amanda, who ties students to the fence. Massimo used to work there, but he had a massive head and a long weight.
• hey now we have a big new coffee shop next to the healbar that used to be "big" simon wills' sweet shop. Bring back simons sweet shop damn it! i rekon when they shut down he ate the left over stock.
• *morellis*
• The Mad Hatter on Holywell Hill does the most Insanely Fantastic selection of sandwiches and salads, and is the only place I know in S.A. to get a full Veggie Breakfast. Tiny inside, but beautiful terrace garden out the back, and the staff always look stoned. When they Legalise it, this will surely become S.A.'s first Coffee Shop.
• SAFEWAY in hatfield rd. hmmmmmm nice
• Yes there are some and I have heard that there is a coffee shop that has gone Amsterdam Stylee.
• Coffee? I'm english. Its a cream tea for me. Luv Andy the Fightaz glass collector.
• Safeway is rapidly becoming the ultimate coffee experience. Go there in a shabby suit, and get dis count, and free milk and marmalade.
• New coffee shop in hammicks book shop is good, great mochas and you can smoke!!!!
• Safewayy !!! bearded bacon roll £1.50, fudging rip off but great staff, there bark is louder than there bite.
• safeway. beware of miss boulevard shes crazy
• There is a new coffee shop in town called "FAT GLUE LUST", which is fun if you're not tall, as the chairs are far too high. Their coffee is very cool, and their waitresses are tres sexy! Safeway, bizarrely enough, has reached cult status. We waste whole days in their coffee shop, and you get as much milk and sugar as you want.
• Safeway, bizarrely enough, has become the 'place to go'. Their coffee is nice, and it's full of cool people. Once, we saw a bunch of businessmen sitting on the toadstools in the kids area. How we laughed!
• Safeway sell lots of milk and coffee. Dutch people get half price food there. Fat people have to eat marmalade because they don't serve them.
• Hammicks suck, and they're far too american for our liking. Go to the Oaklands College Refectory!
• Safeway in Hatfield road has cult status nowdays. but beware of the UHT. It's a pain to wash out of your car.
• Safeway has a cool coffe shop where you can spend your break times trying to get high on coffee. They also have free milk things and tartar sauce which you can put on lockers to play tricks on people
• safeway cafe- cool lots of new cafes opening around town centre.
• safeway! staff dont know coffee from tea, but ive been going there every lunch break to try to drug up on coffee for over a year now. i managed to shake a little once.

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Last updated: 2008-02-20