The Worst Things in Alford, Aberdeenshire*

The entirely missable and worth mentioning because of it

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• The worst thing about Alford are the bloody incomers who think they own the village. We are a very welcoming village but there are boundaries that the village people don't cross, the incomers cross these boundaries all the time. On saying that I know what a narrow minded bunch they can be, but remember these people were here before you arrived. Remember there are a lot of people in Alford do not realise there is a road out of the village, a road that could be used by anyone who doesn't wish to stay there. By the way that goes for all the young people who hate the village, my advice to you is grow up, go to college or university and leave, once you learn to spell that is, and stop swearing every fifth word. I left, came back, still don't like it, going soon, goodbye.
• The inbred, intolerant, ignorant, narrow minded wankers that seem to be everywhere in a place like this. The trainee skaters and baby goths that are pretty much ubiquitous in Scotland now, who get all their clothes and albums bought by their parents. People who walk past the school and throw bottles, cans, boxes, crisp packets etc. into my garden, the bastards. People who wear the same clothes and pretend to like the same music as everyone else. Narrow-minded, boring bastards. The inescapable feeling of depression.
• The farming community who can barely speak English, the stuck up new middle class who make up about 95% of the rest of the population, the totally insipid night life, the bastards who run the school, the way everyone looks down on the young as the lowest form of life, the complete and utter lack of anything worth seeing.
• Alford has some of the most annoying residents who are so annoying that they would call the police on you for taking a wheel barrow load of soil from their quarry.

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Last updated: 2008-10-14