Cinemas in Chaffley, Essex*

Places to go to see the latest releases

You can tell us more about Chaffley.

• The cinema in chaffley is lit by candle light. Many people have gone blind from eyestrain at trying to watch such classics as Jaws.
• The only cinema in Caffley is "Whelk-home". The only mfilm it ever shows is the seminal Dan Ayckroyd comedy "Cone-Heads". This film is shwon on the first Sunday of every month and is usually full to bursting with idiotic fans who live their lives around mr Ayckroyd and his piss poor films. I've only been three times because one the first time I was late and missed the begining, on the second time I got involved with a girl on the back row - and later found oput she was a MAN - and the thrid time I missed the end due to needing a wee. I will be there some time soon to see the complete film works in one sitting, as all good films do. You know, like Benji, Ewoks or Mac and Me.
• The only cinema is a free one run by Mr Leonard Whim of 22 The Mews Chaffley, Essex, CO25 8BM. Tel No. (01548) 895 4974. It shows all the latest Hollywood blockbusters including "Speed 2: Cruise Control" and "Yan Can Kick Your Head In". Entrance is free but on condition that you lick his two hairy plums that Mr Whim keeps in a dark cupboard.
• Chaffley has no decent cinema since "Chaffley Cinema" was burnt down by a sticky scroat.
• There is a Warner Brothers Multiplex on chaffley Common outisde the town which has twenty screens, split level shopping piazza, covered walkway, underground garage-cum-swimming pool with facilities for all night split level shopping and a split level entertainment centre complete with bowling alley and split-level bingo hall.

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Last updated: 2008-10-14