Clothes Shops, Shoe Shops, Fashion and Bargains in Chaffley, Essex*

The more interesting clothing stores

You can tell us more about Chaffley.

• "If you ever come near my wife again I will hurt you, do you hear me?" is a new 'angry fashion' shop in Tic-Tac Road owned by Greek Immigrnat Vasilios Marmite. Upon entering he will accuse you of sleeping with his shapely wife. As your browsing continues he will run up to you screaming about getting his beloved daughter pregnant and when you finally come to pay, he will slap you and throw household tools at you. He has recently been quoted as saying "I may close. Business is not good".
• Yatnerstyle is a new modern establishment that caters for the casual man. It also has rare blue ties, for the rare few who dare to wear blue ties in Chaffley.
• There are some groovy places to go in Britian to shop for clothes, but unfortunately Chaffley isn't one of them. Being near to Colchester and Clacton, you have to opportunity to go and shop there. Also, clothes were legalised in Chaffley in 1965 and the local population (espeically the old f*****s) view clothes with a mixture of fear and suspicion. If you are visiting Chaffley for the first time, it is advisable to wear thin clothes until you have befriended a small child in the locality. Or alternatively you can save the town from some great catastrophe. But don't copy Barry Hawkins, a migrant from Walsall in the midlands, whose plan to be accepted by the local population by saving them from flooding, backfired. It turns out that Barry had opened the sluice gates of the local dam, flooding the delta basin at the edge of town as well threatening to destroy the rest of the twon. He unfortunately "forgot" to switch it off in time after tuning into a particularly entertaining episode of "OH! Doctor Beeching". "What can I say? It's a good old fashioned sit-com. There's nothing crude or offensive about it. It only really offends those offended easily by good, clean honest family fun." Amongst the casualties of the flood were Chaffley's Sugar musueum ("It will takes us hours to rpelace all the sugar!" said musuem curator Edward Prostitute) and the chemical warfare laboratory.
• Freaky clothes can be obtained from "Freaky Clothes". Trendy clothes can be obtained from "Trendy clothes" and warm clothes are banned in summer months.
• The usual suspects apply, there are small branches of Next, Burton's, Kookai, Dolce and Gabbana, Peter Storm, Alexander McQueen, Sex, Seditonaries and Vivienne Westwood. The Apple boutique on Egbert Street sells fine 60's recreations and has the honour of being Chaffley's only pure hay construction building.

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Last updated: 2008-10-14