Pubs in Chaffley, Essex*

The place to go for a lazy afternoon, pub quiz or last call

You can tell us more about Chaffley.

• Thrice weekly at the Fook 'n' Foozle, Gustav the burly beer-maiden gives free real-ale enemas to those who dance a merry jig. Alternatively, she will deliver a fistful of peanuts to your sphincter.
• "Dolly Partons Greatest Hits" is a themed pub based on singer Dolly Partons great hits. Such treats in store are the four pint servings of ale , known localy as "Dollies Jugs". Video screens also show video of her having her great hits serviced by studio engineers, as she sings. Also shown are several out-takes from her many film in a show entitled "Dollies Big Boobs". Next door is the filthy, low brow pub, Dollies Breasts. Very poor.
• As I said earlier, The ConeHead is a rowdy pub which invites all those who have just watched "Cone Heads" at the cinema (see Cinemas and Brothels) to come in for a mug of ale and a pie. On show there is class comedian Steve Bailey, who whilst in a sex education lesson in scholl was heard to ask a teacher in a loud showey off vocie "When do we get a practical lesson?"!?!?!? The class laughed and then stopped. The teacher said "now" and the rest of this story must wait until after the case reaches court.
• The best pub in Chaffley has to be The Old Cock near the A31246 interchange by Great Bromley and Ravens Green. It serves real pub food and great ale, but recently lostr it's Michelin Star whrn it was discovered that head chef, Grace Walker, had in fact been grave robbing for main courses during the infamous meat shortage of 1993. "No noe wanted the bloody bodies, why else wuodl they have buried them in the ground? Eh? Tell me that!" she was appartently heard to exclaim from the dock as she was led away to the gallows.
• There are between three and foru pubs in Chaffley, and each run by someone with a surname of "Gubbins". Firstly there is "To Hell With Ewe", a farmers pub for the pig headed. Next there is "Try Again Fool" which is run by Mr Tim Tony Anthony Gubbins, a local singer and dancer. He washes his hands of all people who are not taller than him, so he says.
• The bar directly below Studio 42, Jack Salt's, is good, and they have lightweight club nights there which are free entry on a Saturday night. DJ Drenched In Memphonic plays.

Search Knowhere for something else:

Credits

Last updated: 2008-10-14