For all the local information go to the main entry for Chester-le-Street

• Re: Adv Notice, Modern Jive (LeRoc)/WCSwing Social Night by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 20-Jan-2011
  yi

• Re: free by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 7-Nov-2009
  My magazine was launched this week ahead of the official launch on 1st December. There are prizes to be won.
  The magazine is FREE, the competition is FREE all members have to do is email the answers to be in the draw.
  
  The questions are:
  
  1. In which town is West Hartlepoo
  lTown Hall
  
  2. How many vowels in the word ripoff.
  
  3.What do you call three consecutive attempts to rip gullible people off
  
  4.How many prizes make none
  
  5. Which infamous wannabee vanity publisher lives in Monkey-ville
  
  Send your answers to
  
  JimmyDiddlums-RipOff-Publications@aol.com
  
  ... more >>

• Re: The Good Old Days by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 7-Nov-2009
  Do you have a book you would love to see printed ?
  
  We specialise in printing the the tedious rambling diaries of wannabe James Herriots and cliche ridden derivative scrawled "novels" of deluded nincompoops who have more money than sense.
  
  For a mere £1200 we will undertake to print...bind...and send to you in a plain wrapper 6 copies of your mast
  erpiece.
  
  Imagine the swelling pride of being able to present a copy to your friends (friend?) and their joy in having free kindling for a garden fire.
  
  Contact Jimmy Diddleydum at Stale-Kipper-Books.com
  ... more >>

• Re: The Good Old Days by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 7-Nov-2009
  One other thing.....Do you live away from the area and fall on your knees every day to give thanks for getting out of West Hartlepool.
  I am looking for the fortunate few escapees who would like to purge their souls of the memory of living in this hell hole by penning a memoir or two for my new black and white magazine to be called "Bitter Memories of Who-Hung-The-Monkey-Ville"
  If you have any ph
  otographs of old scars and injuries that's even better.
  You can email me at
  JimmyDiddlums-RipOff-Publications@aol.com
  ... more >>

• Re: The Good Old Days by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 7-Nov-2009
  My magazine was launched this week ahead of the official launch on 1st December. There are prizes to be won.
  The magazine is FREE, the competition is FREE all members have to do is email the answers to be in the draw.
  
  The questions are:
  
  1. In which town is West Hartlepool
  Town Hall
  
  2. How many vowels in the word ripoff.
  
  3.What do you call three consecutive attempts to rip gullible people off
  
  4.How many prizes make none
  
  5. Which infamous wannabee vanity publisher lives in Monkey-ville
  
  Send your answers to
  
  JimmyDiddlums-RipOff-Publications@aol.com
  
  ... more >>

• Re: Do You Want to Increase Your Income in 2009 ? by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 9-Apr-2009
  lkhlkhkj

• Re: Bert Rieke in London by utz (Member 10228418) on 1-Jul-2008
  Norbert Rieke?

• Re: Start testing for scoliosis in schools petition by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 22-Jun-2008
  That mention of the "simple bend forward test"
  reminds me.....anyone seen Janice Anderson lately ?.....(she passed that test many times with flying colours)

• Re: Start testing for scoliosis in schools petition by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 1-Nov-2008
  111

• Re: Warzone Britain by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 22-Jun-2008
  Please tell me Shelly....what the fck is the difference between "murders" and "needless murders"
  And WTF do you imagine Biffo Brown could do about it?

• Re: Holiday Breaks 2008 by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 17-Feb-2008
  WOW!!!....book me IN baby.
  
  Please make sure you have a beige buffet....a pissy/chlorinated pool and a blonde singer who loooks as though she's been in a fight.

• Re: Holiday Breaks 2008 by Hugh Jass (Member 10011536) on 24-May-2008
  Luxury homes??? Gimme a fucking BREAK, will ya?Can't imagine any "luxury homes" in a country ruled by a vapid bunch of horse-faced,buck-toothed posers.

• Re: Holiday Breaks 2008 by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 24-May-2008
  Nice one there Sis

• Re: Boyz of Chester by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 8-May-2007
  Hey.....I remember you Jaily.....or "Jailbaity" as we all used to call you.
  So you never met any nice boys eh???
  Funny.... you never mentioned that when you were doing line-ups for the lads behind the Lambton Arms.
  I think your record was 15 lads seen to in 35 minutes wasn't it??
  There've been a few attempts but nobody has ever beaten it kid...you should be proud.
  Anyway....welcome back....we
  'll all be waiting for you with the cider and vaseline at 11pm Friday night XXXXXX
  ... more >>

• Re: Boyz of Chester by jaily07 (Member 10207660) on 10-May-2007
  Think you got the wrong jaily07 hun, certainly aint had a record like that and your name certainly dont ring a bell???????? Ive just moved back into the local area and there is still nee talent about, maybe you could let me know of some hahahahaha!!!!

• Re: Boyz of Chester by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 10-May-2007
  Now c'mon Jaily.....we all know that's you.
  With your one big tit and the other one tiny (could only afford one implant poor lass)
  See you down the park on Friday night....I'll bring the alsation dog you were fond of as a special treat...XXXXX

• Re: Boyz of Chester by jaily07 (Member 10207660) on 24-May-2007
  Alan you have defo got the wrong person huni!!!! I certainly woz never found of an alasatian as dont like big dogs hahahahaha. But if you can recommend some good looking lads pass them my way xxxxxx

• Re: Boyz of Chester by Baron Von Awesome (Member 10225088) on 21-Apr-2008
  Hi there, where have you moved from, bet is was from the south, probably London...North is much nicer...

• Re: STAN by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 26-Mar-2007
  Yes....we all know poor old Stan.....or "Twathead" as we all fondly knew him.
  
  He still is "allways" down Chester as he is buried under a memorial "pissing stone" in the market place.
  
  He caught galloping knobrot from Elsie Fiering's great grandaughter and expired writhing in agony within 2
  4 hours.
  
  Burying victims of the Fiering whore's dynasty under a pissing stone is a Chester le Street custom that goes back 300 years and any passing weak bladdered brown ale supper is legally entitled to piss to there hearts content...(as long as no urine falls further than 22 inches from the base of the memorial)
  
  Hope this helps and if you want me to lay a few flowers on the memorial for you please forward 75p to -
  Alan Cullen
  Third Bench from the Left
  The Bridge End
  Chester le Street
  ... more >>

• Re: STAN by phill (Member 10229541) on 23-Jul-2008
  Stan is alive and well and living in ouston his wife had a baby last year I still see Stan in the Horse now and again.

• Re: dj in chester le street by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 26-Mar-2007
  His name was "Versatile Victor Volare" AKA "The Disco King"
  
  Alas he was sacked from both of these establishments after becoming a trifle over-excited one evening whilst playing Acker Bilk's "Stranger on the Shore" and stripping off to reveal to everyone's amazement that he was in fact not a Victor but a Victoria with a muff the size of a shaggy (dishevelled) Yorkshire Terrier.
  
  She was thereu
  pon scragged by the Pelton Fell lads (well.....it's just their way)...and sent packing with the mike jammed up her voluminous snatch.
  
  She was never seen again though every time she breaks wind the dreadful rasps are picked up by the Greenbank Club bingo caller's amplifier proving to some that the poor girl never did manage to dislodge that mike.
  
  Hope this helps.
  ... more >>

• Re: dj in chester le street by Ellie (Member 10206536) on 22-May-2007
  who dj s at the attic now?

• Re: dj in chester le street by palo (Member 10208400) on 22-May-2007
  yeah he jacked the lambton cos he had to play shit music compared to what he was playin 3 year ago,he now djs at the attic bar in chester-le-street , i,ve heard him play and have to say his music is of the highest quality if not a little advanced for chester-le-street at times but hey to be honest the attic feels more like a bar in newcastle his name s on the posters outside attic by the way hope this has helped

• Re: Abbey National in Chester-le-street by moomee (Member 10192340) on 20-Jul-2008
  Because why?

• Re: Abbey National in Chester-le-street by lizsimpson (Member 10243548) on 6-Jan-2010
  Hi I am not sure if the chester le street abbey still exists, I worked for the abbey and I knew your father John, he was one of the nicest and most considerate men I have ever met, his death was a tragedy and left many people devastated.A lot of my abbey friends worked in the Middlesbrough branch with your mum and dad. I think that the other branch your dad managed was Durham, I hope this helps.

• Re: Abbey National in Chester-le-street by Mike & Susan Huckins (Member 10245190) on 1-Mar-2010
  Hello you must be Ben. My wife and I were very friendly with John and your mother before we emigrated to Canada. We worked at the Abbey in Middlesbrough. Prior to moving there your dad was the regional trainer, and to give him a break from hotel food, he would come to our house in Marton for roast beef and yorkshires. He liked the area,, so bought a house close to ours. On Sundays John and I would
  go to one of the local pubs, while Susan made Sunday dinner, and she would complain if we had one beer to many as the yorkshires would be cold.We fondly called John the Gentle Giant, he was so pleasant , helpful, humorous and mild mannered; everyone loved him. Needless to say we were shocked and heartbroken when he passed away. Your mother used to write regularly to Susan, and we still have photos of you and Lauren growing up.
  If you wish, please write to us at mhuckins@rogers.com, as we would love to hear how you are doing
  ... more >>

• Re: Abbey National in Chester-le-street by Ken Wright (Member 10254965) on 28-Nov-2010
  Hi Ben. I was a friend and business associate of your father when he was manager of the Abbey National in Durham in the 80's. We both followed Grimsby Town and went to games together. I often think about him. If there is anyything further that you want to know, do let me know.

• Re: Abbey National in Chester-le-street by moomee (Member 10192340) on 11-May-2011
  Hi, thankyou to all who have genuinely replied, it was lovely to read these things about my Dad. It's not Ben, it's Lauren. I'm at an age now (27!!) where I'm wanting to find out where I came from if that makes sense, what my Dad was like and anything else really. Thankyou again. My email address is: lauren11384@hotmail.co.uk, really appreciate your replies. Lauren
  

• Re: Holiday Breaks in Haggerston castle by Brian McDermott (Member 10192060) on 25-Aug-2006
  Desperately seeking stunning blonde lady whom i sat next to in showbar at haggerston castle last week did,nt get name but u where with your daughter and friend with her daughter and son. Would love to chat with u to thank you and your friend for getting me on the dance floor. if you recognise yourself you will remember the tribute act who were performing.
  Brian, glasgow

• Re: Holiday Breaks in Blackpool by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 20-Nov-2006
  Hi Brian,
  
  I remember you very well you handsome devil and would simply LOVE to see you in an equally classy place.....(though what could match the sophistication of the Haggerston Castle caravan park Showbar I simply can't imagine !!!)
  What with the fur fabric covered bar and the flock wallpaper...it was all too too breathtaking......like waking up in Hollywood.
  However there is a teensy ween
  sy something I should tell you about myself.
  I'm a 45 year old transvestite bull dyke with a penchant for flogging my sexual partners with liquorice ropes studded with nuggets of Blackpool rock then putting my Woodbines out on their bruised backs and Iwork during the week in the Bigg Market selling stale kippers to ugly Geordie housewives from the back of my rusty Transit.
  If you still fancy me please ring me at the Bedlington Alcoholics Hospice....ask for Larry.
  ... more >>

• Re: Holiday Breaks in Blackpool by EL ROBBO (Member 10011473) on 3-Dec-2006
  Oh Alan sweetie, just when I thought you had forsaken me I see you are back with the usual foul mouthed rants. Why have you not replied to me message below and how have you explained outing yourself to you "mates?. Still luv you!.

• Re: Holidays 2007 Season by KEITH NODDINGS (Member 10006943) on 9-Dec-2006
  Taking Bookings Now for 2007 season.....Visit www.l-k-holidayhomes.co.uk for more details.

• Re: Holiday Breaks in Blackpool by EL ROBBO (Member 10011473) on 14-Dec-2006
  Alan,
  Don't ignore the issue - out yourself and I still love you.

• Re: Holiday Breaks in Blackpool by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 14-Dec-2006
  El Robbo....you don't NEED to tell me.....EVERYONE loves me.
  
  It's just that you're not my type....humpty backed,weasel faced, feeble minded spotty boring pidgeon chested, whining, humourless Herberts are simply a turn off to everyone...(as I'm sure you've discovered during your lonely, home alone,solitary, wanker's life.
  

• Re: Dinner on the wall by slapper... (Member 10114450) on 5-Jan-2006
  im a bit l8 sz.lol

• Re: the greenbank by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 21-Jun-2005
  I can help you there Brad baby....Davy Hall is doing 6 years for buggering a police horse with a Steely Dan deisel powered dildo......Gob on a Stick died after one too many knobbly bobblies.....Acid Willy Waistall is now president of the New Kyo gay rights liberation front and has survived four assassination attempts including a 28 pound black pudding being catapulted from the viaduct onto his Pre
  sidential limousine (a 1968 pink Reliant Robin)
  The Pete Townsend look-alike now looks more like Muffin the Mule after 15 years of those solitary evenings of wanking, kebabs,Blind Date and warm cider.
  
  Hope this helps...(though you must be some super sad motherfuc*er to associate yourself with such a bunch of king size wally's....Let's see now...let me guess....you're a puff AND a social worker aren't you ?....you ARE ... I can see you squirming you gormless twat)
  ... more >>

• Re: the greenbank by brad edgell (Member 10155177) on 23-Jun-2005
  you are nearly right, i am your mothers aids doctor full-time, and i am still trying to trace your father part time

• Re: the greenbank by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 23-Jun-2005
  Is that really the best you can do dingbat....too much Fed best has softened your brain

• Re: Big Bobby, car flogger!!! by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 30-Apr-2005
  Big Bobby's my brother in law.....he says to tell you that the warranty is on the end of his nose....all you gotta do is come and take it baby.....he'll see you outside the Lambton at 3pm tomorrow if you've got the bottle.

• Re: Big Bobby, car flogger!!! by Don Kiddick (Member 10149816) on 2-May-2005
  Tell big Bob that's it just turned in. 225k on the clock plus what he took off!!!! Wouldn't mind coming down to see him for a pint!! As for the waranty being on the end of his nose, tell him to face north, it's that big i could reach it from Airdrie!!!

• Re: Big Bobby, car flogger!!! by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 2-May-2005
  Bob tells me he didn't take any mileage off....in fact he added 20k as the car was so rough and knackered that nobody would believe it had only done 50k.
  He had offered the car to Harraps scrap for £10 but they refused it... then miracle of miracles...you came along.
  We still have many a chuckle at that deal.....there's one born every minute
  

• Re: Big Bobby, car flogger!!! by Don Kiddick (Member 10149816) on 8-May-2005
  And i bet he used your mooth as a garage! Cunts like you say nothing but say it too often! Your patter's shite mate! stick to you're own crowd, you're as funny as toothache up here!!

• Re: Big Bobby, car flogger!!! by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 8-May-2005
  Congratulations Don.....(a grammar school boy I see)....your gift for beautiful descriptive language makes it a real pleasure to read your comments.....C'mon let's have some more of your wonderful bon mots......I can just picture you sitting in your council flat...grubby mouse in one hand....a jam jar full of Coop tea in the other...your 16 stone Missus scraping the dog shit off the clippy mat...s
  martening the place up before your criminally insane son comes home after a stretch in Durham for beating up old ladies.
  ... more >>

• Re: Big Bobby, car flogger!!! by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 8-May-2005
  DON KIDDICK.....DON KIDDICK.....that name rings a bell.
  
  The pennies just dropped...I remember you Don.
  
  Last time I saw you was in 1987...you were hanging around in the Lambton car park offering lads £10 a time to bl
  ow them.
  
  When did you get out son?
  
  Did they drop the charges about that incident down the park with the Great Dane, the half pound jar of Vaseline and the baseball bat ?
  
  I suppose they must have or you'd be back in that outsize straight jacket they had to have made specially for you...you daft fat twat.
  ... more >>

• Re: Big Bobby, car flogger!!! by EL ROBBO (Member 10011473) on 12-May-2005
  Well, well, well, how nice to see young Mr Cullen still insulting everyone in his usual literate way after all this time. I agree he is about as funny and interesting as Alan Shearer with tootache. Obviously not a product of a grammer school he is a model of success for the comprehensive system. At least he can read and write - pity it isn't English though. I think its time to revist the maggo
  ts in the Lambton Worm some Friday night soon to see if he is as ugly as ever.
  ... more >>

• Re: Big Bobby, car flogger!!! by Don Kiddick (Member 10149816) on 13-May-2005
  Hey Al,
  The only charges dropped were yours. As i remember it, you went to £8 as i was cornering the market!! I do remember though a guy telling me the charge for you was circa £2 due to size and content!!! Sorry weeny!!! Now fuck off! If i wanted shit every time i spoke i would've married your mother! Or husband, (Hark)

• Re: Big Bobby, car flogger!!! by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 13-May-2005
  Hi El Robbo.......
  
  Alan Shearer with "TOOTACHE"......God ...I'm so pleased that my TOOT isn't aching.
  
  "GRAMMER"
  school ?
  
  Now that's too funny for any further comment.
  ... more >>

• Re: Big Bobby, car flogger!!! by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 13-May-2005
  ...and as for you Big Bobby.
  
  Leave my husband out of this...well...my boyfriend actually until the Pope relaxes his ruling about gay marriage....then you'll see the best wedding Chester has ever witnessed...gay parade down Front Street (El Robbo your bull dyke wife can lead the parade in her lumberjack outfit and hob nail boots)
  and there's even a spot for you Bobby...you can blow both of us a
  t the reception...but we must insist NO SWALLOWING....it's to good for the likes of you.
  ... more >>

• Re: Big Bobby, car flogger!!! by Don Kiddick (Member 10149816) on 15-May-2005
  STOP PRESS.........Al. Just found out you are the superstar who can suck start a jumbo jet!!!! I am so happy to have had the misfortune of your company!!

• Re: Big Bobby, car flogger!!! by Alan Cullen (Member 10093796) on 15-May-2005
  Why thanks for that compliment old bean....of course your missus can give me a run for my money...she could suck a golf ball through a coiled hose pipe....ahh we all have fond memories of that girl.
  
  What she lacked in looks she made up for in enthusiasm....I remember a line-up she did down Horners Alley one Saturday night......23 lads seen to in 47 minutes.
  
  She emerged into the sodium light
  to claps and cheers...covered in spunk and drool but triumphant...twirling her khaki knickers...doing a jig and belting out "I Enjoy Being a Girl" to the accompaniment of Geordie Stocks playing his. maracas.
  
  You met her the next day I believe..at the Methodist chapel knitting club tea dance...a marriage made in heaven.....two ugly gormless twats joined in holy matrimony.....I just hope to goodness that you didn't breed....IMAGINE !!
  ... more >>