The Best Things in Clacton, Essex*

If you're around, be sure to check these things out

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The Best Things

• All the girls in clacton have massive...ahem...how can I put this....entry caverns. you can fit a few in at a time if you can hack your way through the undergrowth!
• The Beaches.
• what ever happend to the ice hockey team a friend called mark from chapman road used to play,they had a ice rink on the pier
• This place is truly awful
• The Arsonists theat appear periodically
• The little gardens on the front.
• Pass Pass Pass.

• the pubs the beach the fit women who like to 'sleep' alot
• Granny dogeing
• no best things the place is Bloody awful!
• The best things are the beaches. And the fact is doesn't rain here very much. That's it.
• I LOVED YOUR PEIR AND ALL THE RIDES AND THE ICE RINK
• Turd Skating
• The overall feeling. The fresh air. The beach. The way we get more heat than other places in England cause were in some weird geometrical thing if that is an actual word. The old people (watching the funny things they do. The main town is small so you don't have to walk far. the tourists. They keep the place going. Holland-on-sea, when you want to get away from the tourists and dodgyness of Clacton. The way the snow in winter gets on the path along the top promenade on top of the cliff and it gets really deep there. The wars between County High (YAY!!) and Colbains (BOO!) The history I spose. The places you find here that you have never noticed before. Really this happens all the time.

• how the understanding of the words 'Cul-De-Sac' is considered 'posh' by most members of the local population
• None the whole place is crap and should be bulldozed into the sea
• Clacton County High School - a great place to start your education. Everything is in place to go on to higher ed. and the teaching is geat. (please not this doesn't include the students - who are rude, stupid and inconsiderate- but then again if they get F's at GCSE they'll get a job in McDonald's. & dont worry they wont read this - their parents are probably scum aswell, with a pregnant teenage daughter and a social security cheque. They wouldnt know where the On swicth on a computer was, not that they could spell it. (spell 'on', not 'computer')! Clacton would be good if they put a baracade around the good part and sent the rest back to whatever london suburb they came from.
• THE JOB CENTRE CARNAVON ROAD
• Probably the Pier. Good fun in the sun.
• My family have been coming to Clacton since 1997 and from the first visit we found,friendly polite and helpful people. I am not just referring to the older people, I spoke to a teenage boy near the pier who was more than helpful when i told him we feel so welcome there that we are looking for property. sdaly we are still looking unfortunately when people learn where we are currently residing the property suddenly goes to the highest bidder! Dont call yourselves down so much, you live in an area that many people cant even begin to imagine exists. I know this will be hard for many of you to see but honestly we cant wait untill the day we finally arrive in your town
• Clued up people, music scene is kicking.
• I now work in London at a pub where the Richardson's and gang all hang out (NB: the Krays ran one side of London, and the Richardson's the other). These are funny, but nasty guys who took a real shine to me for some reason (one of them told me that if anyone ever pissed me off, one phone call to them would be all you'd need to take care of it). Seems fair. I mentioned Clacton to them once and they said they LOVE it. Their idea of a great day out is going 'daaaan' Clacton getting some cheap drugs, having a serious bottle fight then getting a shag with a filthy slapper called Tracy. pretty cheap day out- they have a point.
• The blue sky,the relatively unhassled atmosphere.
• beach ,the beer ,holiday makers
• The Sea
• The best thing is the centre of Earths magnetism is here. this means the Daleks cannot attack as it is their only weakness. ALL ROBOMEN ATTACK THE DALEKS!
• The sea air and the girls. They are all astonishingly lovely. Even the ones who are 14 and have five parents, four boy-friends, three heads, two kids and a tatoo.
• Due to an unrepealed 1649 law, Clacton residents are quite entitled to throw rolled up bread dough at the King to show their dissatisfaction at the state of crop rotation in the area.
• Sea, sand and sun
• The best thing about Clacton is the fact that everyone knows everyone. A real sort of community. Lots of good parties especially on the beach in summer. Loads of out-door swimming pools. A couple of fields with a regular crop of magic mushrooms. But best of all are the boy racers who burn around the town's very tight oneway circuit. The stereos these boys have are too much.
• The pier is good now that you don`t have to pay. The rides are okay. The big wheel is fun and the beach is good in the summer.
• The best thing about Clacton is the great people who live there. Chris Harding, Edward Puddick, Richard Appleby, Marc Wiggam and David Cooper all are groovy fab guys with great faces. I must also defend the reputations of the girls from Clacton. You may not have been since the mid 1970`s, but I can assure you there are many attractive young ladies in the Clacton area. I wouldlist them all but my pride makes me stop. Please apologise for the mistaken reporting of the lack of pretty girls in clacton as it is completely wrong. they are all nice. All of them. Every single one, especially. . . . . .Aaaah, no you don`t

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