The Knowhere Guide

The Worst Things in Clapham, Greater London*

The entirely missable and worth mentioning because of it

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The Worst Things
  • The dirty swimming pool! - keep your mouth shut and don't use the toilets.
  • clapham clones clapham clones clapham clones clapham clones clapham clones
  • Stupid 'creative' facial hair everywhere.
  • People who claim to come from Clapham then complain about the price of property, forgetting the killing their parents made when they sold their property. Of course if they can make a killing thats just OK.
  • What the yups have done to the Sun pub - criminal! The soaring house prices that exclude native Claphamites from living there (yes, we have to go to Croydon, but it's not that bad!), the colour of the pub on the corner of Clapham Park Road (was there a special offer on blue that day?). The crime and the grime. Clapham has peaked in popularity and is on its way down, I'm afraid.
  • There are too many oiks and wannabes around the bars/pubs in Clapham...especially the weekends...!
  • the traffic lights at one end of acre lane
  • Ratruns: Clapham Manor Street in particular.
  • Everyone looks the same - it's uncanny! Deck shoes, Timberland fleeces, square jaws, damn-fine fillies, brown leather army officer's shoes, Hackett overcoats, Gap baseball hats, panda eyes from trips to Meribel, Marlboro lights, laughing at Johnny's gags, drinking bitter on a Sunday, reading the Independent Sunday(because it's so informative!) yet reading the Telegraph all week cos they're small minded, driving Golf's, eating Tapas, playing rugger on the common, going away to mummy and daddy's cos the city gets "so tiring darling!"...... I could go on... It's a crazy part of town which less than ten years ago used to be completely different. Now it's just freaky!
  • It's often dirty and smelly and scruffy - the High Street really lets itself down. Then again, it's part of the charm.
  • having a pence piece thrown at me on the train. kids can be SUCH fun!!!!!
  • all the drunks and nutters on Clapham High St
  • ex public school boys (& girls) who habitually wear baseball caps at the weekends & talk loudly & gormlessly. Large numbers of wearers of deck shoes. Trying to get a drink after 11pm. Exorbitant rents. e-heads
  • Yuppies, "public" school types, call 'em what you will, they're all twats.

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Credits

All the information in the Knowhere Guide has been contributed by users over the years. No one person is responsible for it all and not all contributors will agree with all the opinions included.

Parts of this information have been supplied by: Jeff Pickthall, richard wyland, Dom, brett, tony amos, laura, Ludi, Lucy, Paul Thompson, Karl Roche, johnny rotten, Chris Hall, Darrell De Souza, jessebelle, joshua, em, Ali, Chris E., Soho Gyms, generic, natalie rydstrom, angelina, matty b, Amanda, Kieron Humphrey, easter, joel, JS, Mark Clarke, antony obrien, Anne Scrope, Kees van Vlooren, Kerri Clay, jacqui, Marco, Jonas Jaanimagi, CATHY, C M Corcoran, Mike Moxley, Jackie Hillsdon, Zeeka, Simon Edwards, alison, marianna

Last updated: 2008-10-14

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