The Knowhere Guide

The Worst Things in Great Malvern, Worcestershire*

The entirely missable and worth mentioning because of it

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The Worst Things
  • everyhting especially the jypo fucked in the head mental nob end think they own the place chavs.
  • malvern in general and fuck you skateboard haters u fuking tossers
  • Annoying percentage of incredibly rude and stand-offish people - usually not short of a bob or two but disgracefully short of manners. There is a quick and easy test: Smile and say 'good morning' to someoneone. If they: 1. Look the other way quickly with glazed eyes, or 2. Look confused and as if they just smelt a fart... ..then you spotted one!
  • The Nightlife
  • dog pooh
  • The lack of taxis. Don't wait at the rank for one. Its a myth....they don't really stop there....EVER
  • i think people are becomin gmore and more inbred
  • To many chavs, townies, commoners Keep away from Elgar Estate
  • getting up the hills
  • Everyone listen if you are lucky enough to find fulltime work in Malvern DO NOT take it for granted and hang on to it please. This time last year i left my job thinking it would be easy to get another, it is not.
  • the 18 year old kids so out of there head on drugs and drink that i think they are above the law and thy know it !!!! scates are ok though
  • it never changes at all, its always the same old same old. the students (not all, but most) from the private schools are so rude and annoy me
  • sometimes too quiet,not enough entertainment+too many goddamn charity shops!"
  • aps
  • Old people moaning about things,
  • the snotty staff from the boarding schools!
  • good places aren't close enough.
  • traffic lights, fockin' stops us boy racers, smacking some granny off her feet, innit??
  • its all bad crap shit
  • The whole place is invaded with townies for the three counties show!ITS A LOCAL SHOW FOR LOCAL PEOPLE! NO BRUMMIES! And theres no flipping paintball, i have to travel to Birmingham to shoot the crap out of people!
  • Sodding car drivers.
  • Absence of pub near railway station, and distance of railway station from anything.
  • Men with big brests
  • Cretins driving Maxpowered up Vauxhall "Bovas" - Why buy a shit car for 500 then spend 5000 doing it up? Why not just buy a good car in the first place? Morons who spend their Friday nights doing burnouts in McDonalds carpark.
  • Small town pricks with such a major chips on their shoulders- Get a life. The saddest selection of Kevs, Waynes and Darrens with the shittest cars known to man cruising relentlessly around the Link, why, oh why do you bother?!
  • rocket and flange
  • Too many Tories. Too many old people. Too many dickhead skateboarders. Too many townies. Crap council who couldn't organise a piss-up ion a brewery.
  • Old people. Why are they here? We live on a hill, it's gotta be f**king the artificial hips up!That's why they all converge at the bottom of the hills, stay up high if you want to keep away from the almost dead.
  • Dysons, scum.
  • old people, rich mingin public school girls, far too hilly, Dyson Perrins, skaters
  • Climbing up the hill
  • Priory Park what happened to the gardeners please plant up again. Xmas decorations what are they? Malvern Town Council please keep the budget down!! The lack of health care at weekends and evenings. Docters earn the money but dont like doing the time!!!
  • Being a bored teenager. It was hell. And all those moaning residents. Get a life - there's more to the world than red paint on roads and naiming new theatres. *yes*, that's right, there is....
  • sometimes the weather but that cant be helped.
  • The world's worst drivers - maniac, homicidal thugs. The police seem to have abandoned traffic law. Kep away unless you drive a Tiger Tank!
  • old people about 70% of the population. the town council!!!. Small minded beer boys. Pikey's. To close to mental hospital for my liking. day release day friday so stay indoors and finally tourists.
  • the boredom
  • The old people who are categorically against anyone having fun. The Townies, who I wish'd just curl up and die. The lack of skate spots. The council, who spend stupid amounts of money on stupidly pointless things, when half the basic stuff doesn't work.
  • its on a hill - church street is especially cruel
  • The HILLS!!The lack of available taxis....the old ticket man at the Malvern Link station,___--,,,...the cold wind in the winter and the crummy shops in malvern!!
  • The weather
  • The way that everyone looks at skateboards like they are pieces of s~~t
  • The Hills in Winter.
  • The tourists (no, we love you really).
  • Malvern Hills District Council.
  • Foreign Students (we love you too - especially your money).
  • Public School Children and their 4wd driving parents.
  • The New Space
  • Lethargy The Old Folk
  • - The DISTRICT Council (Rarely listen to local opinion, ruled by a bunch of frenzied suburbanites who's idea of creative planning is: "No one shops in the town centre any more, what shall we do? Lets build another supermarket, next to the existing one on the edge of the town and replace the last lot of new paving we put down three years ago." - Lack of Further Education, or jobs, meaning that virtually all young residents who do not want to work for a supermarket leave - and don't come back.

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All the information in the Knowhere Guide has been contributed by users over the years. No one person is responsible for it all and not all contributors will agree with all the opinions included.

Parts of this information have been supplied by: Mark Hutcheson, bob dovey, bob marley, da, Brian Jones, micke, John McClaine, Marc Eting, Matt, jim, Dan, Al, Hugh Nicklin, Phill Tromans, Kirsty, Matt Williams, dave, herman, John Morris, malvernman, Sarah Passmore, Downtown Sid Brown, brian, War Rose, fairy head, Phil, Elmo, Delilah, clive, DD, Louise, ian croft, Suggs, Bob, bonnie, John Taylor, Alex Foulds, Ya main man Rozza, chris, blah, blah, blah!, Edwood, GaZ fAz, Terry, DAVE HARFORD, the STINK, lynn, wet, edward hockett, stu, Victoria Milne, Ange, bobhawks, ali, Holli, nath, DAVID MIDDLETON, SKUM CREW, luke, Charlie Pottins, jack, D Morris, emma, generic, estelle, Rach, Ian Berry, Smackhead, Chris Kirkland, Will Baker, Captain Face Beats Mcginty, Turdy, Andrew Smith, lushy, Tim Millwood, Sarah, bob hope, D Scott, tom, Tracey Waite, Billy Bob, Sophie Evans, charlie, Neil Poulter, Graham Shepherd, litze, Phill, Michelle, Dave Newton, Lenny, Harriet, Ray Toland, Tez, Paul Hart, sazkia, Nick Atkin

Last updated: 2008-10-09

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