The Stuff We Can't Fit In Somewhere Else in Guildford, Surrey*

The things which can't be categorised

You can tell us more about Guildford.

• The 'underground' culture. Wont know unless you're part of it. Tight knit community.
• hmmm....dunno really can fit nething in guidford just please no more pikies!
• Stoke park, tunsgate arch (first kiss), then when you've got some facial hair - The Britannia by the river, The Jolly Farmer further down the river. The Two Brewers if you were a wanker, or the Star if you were a student, the Rats Castle if you're into chess or something, the Robin Hood if you were under 18 in 1989. Fights with blokes from Surrey County, Lusting after girls at Guildford High School. A long time a go and thousands of miles away but I still think of the place over here in California.
• ok this is silly but if you're going to park in guildford try to park at farnham road car park (multistorey at the back of the train station) - it's the only multistorey in guildford that has cctv cameras on every level and on the stairs, plus it's cheap - you pay when you LEAVE the car park - if you've left the car there for more than a day press "lost ticket" instead of handing over your ticket and you'll pay the lost ticket fee of just £4 instead of a huge fee... ;)
• The web site below contains the lecture and visit programme, and contact and membership details, for Guildford (Evening) Decorative and Fine Arts Society
• as far as i know, you're not a true 'youth of guildford stoner' until you know Bubble. sure u know her. if u don't - ur a wannabe. meet her, then u are truly a pothead in town.
• we hate the witch, she must be hit by the bus. the bearded lady is a legend! leopard skin prints rock our socks!
• Edwards pub - burn it down
• STAY AWAY FROM ALISTAIR BIGOS hes really manky and careful who u pick up off - there are a few skank dealers around at the mo trying to catch ppl out - the other day i got skanked for £40 so be careful
• Spending years thinking your having agood time then meeting real down to earth people who care about more than clothes ,phones and cars. realising you have wasted a chunk of your life. Therefore don't leave, stay there when we want you we'll come to you to stay and gawp then go home and feel thankful
• we r trying to rid guildford of people who think they are so cool getting drunk at tubbyland every day at 1.00 in the afternon....wow every1 admires u so much...i wish i was more like u (COUGH) the annoying townies who come to plantation and get lippy with us punks...starting fights they can't finish and disturbing our monging-out time
• Jewellers Orlando Jewellers - this shop is great, a relaxed atmosphere - if you have got a keen interest in gemmology like myself, the staff are really knowledgable and let you try amazing rocks on! www.orlandojewellers.net
• dunno, i've said about just about anything. Guildford to me is my favourite skating spot. THE END
• Uh, what is with all those goths? Don't they have a graveyard they could go and hang out at? And the totally lame bomber jacket folk...no thanks...has no one told them guildford is for rich people?
• I'd like them to just throw out all the scum... they can live in crappy Wiltshire...
• Hotels/Hostels in Guildford Guildford YMCA Bridge Street Guildford Surrey GU1 4SB Tel: 01483 532555 Fax: 01483 537161 Email: info@guildfordymca.org.uk web: www.guildfordymca.org.uk
• It is the social dungeon of dispair in which the mindless, stupid, uninventive, narrow minded, uneducated, tabloid 'reading', Sky watching, fashion victims waste away what little time they have in pursuit of 'lad' psuedo culture - drinking, smoking and texting on their latest mobile don't yah know…driving their ratty, poorly 'modified' vehicles round and round the town thinking that anyone cares about the shit awful distorted noise pollution they call music - it's a compilation tape anyway, they conform to "now that's what I call a rip off Vol 56. niggertastic dancefloor fillers" style advertising just like every other reality blind puffa jacket swaggering wannabee teenage twats out there in brainless land. This land is also littered with pram pushing, fat ring pierced belled, loud squarking, big jewellery laiden, tight blonde haired, chain smoking, mobile phone yapping (barely) teenage whores who, instead of spending money wisely, will buy those 'must have' 80 quid trainers cos 'my mates ain't go these and I saw 'em on telly' - sad miserable lives living hope of those apathetic words - "It could be you" - never. Wake up and smell the concrete. If I see you coming I will swerve onto the pavement to rid the planet of your kind - if I am not driving, but walking towards you then you might as well call the funeral directors now… This disaffected and unguided youth have an off the shelf/magazine/telly attitude to give them a sense of security and identity when really it just shows up their ignorance of life and their place in it - at the bottom covered in shit, and thats where they'll stay when they get one of the council estate slappers up the duff, have stay with her cos the council give you a house, work in tescos collecting trolleys, drive a rusting ford escort estate with two screaming brats who turn to into thugs because you were too slack to have any education, manners or decency. Wankers. The wrong people are breeding. Get off your arse, off the dole, get a job and education and get a real life that doesn't revolve around lad mags, football, 'going down the pub' every five and believing 'soaps' on televison are an accurate portrail of life. The pot holed roads for which we pay a fortune in car tax and petrol to receive, the grubby, poorly lit and inadequate bus station, the Bridge street homage to the theme pub and its willingness to supply every life waster with watered down highly priced alcohol, the down and outs who grunt, shuffle and smell. A high street littered with mindless hordes of 12-20 year olds who waste their time texting, blocking the passage of real shoppers, wear their chose cultural affinity clothing and look dim, bored and umb all at the same time (easy for them), clipboard waving bespectacled middle-aged woman who wants to survey you on your 'interest' in clothing catalogues, the slowness of everyone walking in town - (perhaps they're hoping to die there and then as so to escape the slow traffic enduced bus crawl home, where they will waste hours watching trite TV or go down the pub) - the mindless tagging of teenagers who haven't quite grasped the understanding about aerosol art and think felt tip pens defacing property is 'cool' and 'daring' - face it guys, you're nobodies just like the other 60,000 + inhabitants of Guildford. Nightclubs pump out chart 'hit' mindless music to the spineless, any music from a real culture is ignored or rammed with attitude clad clubbers (Bojangles - Hip Hop night had wiggers and blacks stancing against the walls with hoods up and arms crossed with West/east coast fake TV induced scowls - once we ALL danced and were truw brothers/sisters in Hip Hop). This infected land was once my turf. I lived in it and by sheer strength of character I rose above this disinfected womb and left…but not until I had taken my fill of this dank, depressing and choking city and county.
• 15 points for spotting Matthew Alexander, curator of Guildford Museum, member of local Morris Dancing Group, involved in Circle Eight film group, etc. Bearded wears cords and brogues and a hankie round his neck, drives a Morris 1000. 1 point for his wife, Mary.
• best lads
• Beware the lucky heather lady. She'll put a curse on you!
• Umm - Laser Quest is cool as is bowling and getting beer from the Onslow Village off license!
• 96.4 The Eagle! Wicked radio station that's broadcast to Surrey and N.E Hants - now Talon has gone from overnights, it's 24 hour quality, even nicked listeners off Capital and other London stations gradually. Especially Peter Gordon breakfast show, that man is going places!
• OK here's a category I couldn't find.... MOVIES SHOT IN OR AROUND GUILDFORD The most famous I suppose is "The Omen" (1976), where Gregory Peck and Lee Remick are going to church with their antichrist son and you see them (from inside the car) going round Stag Hill roundabout, then a couple of shots of the angel on top of the Cathedral which freaks the kid out. The opening scene in "City of Joy" (Patrick Swayze etc., 1992) was shot in Theatre 10 at the Royal Surrey County Hospital. Any others?
• Updated URL for Guildford Fencing Club... http://www.foxtree.co.uk/fencing/
• There is a very good one man Scatman John tribute band who does the circuits around Guildford, regularly playing in the Rats Castle, called Stazman Dave
• It's really true, David Stainer, from the quiz shows, DOES loiter around guildford, notably the Rats Castle, in disguise of a ragga-boy with a yellow sheel-suit. SSssshhh, don't tell evryone, they'll all be after him....
• IN THE GUILDFORD CLUBS AND PUBS SECTION IT MENTIONS 'BOJANGLES' NIGHTCLUB ALOT. BUT NOW THERE IS RUMOURS WHICH IS PROBABLY TRUE THAT IT HAS CLOSED DOWN DUE TO A ROBBERY. MYSELF PERSONALLY HAVE RECENTLY SPOKE TO A MAN ON THE TRAIN WHO HAS WORKED THERE HAS TOLD ME, THE NIGHT OF THE UNDER 18'S, AFTERWARDS THE CLEANERS WERE HELD HOSTAGE FOR 4 HOURS AND THE ROBBERS ESCAPED TAKING ALL THE MONEY AFTER THE POLICE HAD ENTERED. BOJANGLES WAS A GREAT NIGHTCLUB AND IT IS ASHAME TO SEE IT GO IF IT DOES.
• TV prankster Jeremy Beadle damaged his gammy hand in a lift door in Guildford Debenhams. A plaque marks the point - it says "You've Been Maimed".
• Eric Parker actually said "Guildford is a beautiful city. Let's keep it that way". Whoever Eric Parker was, he certainly didn't know much about Guildford. It's a town, not a city, even though it has a cathedral. It shows the ignorance of the Borough Council that they allow such a gross error to be on public display in such a prominent part of the town.
• Surrey's local magazine, 'The Monocle', is cult reading amongst Guildford's trendier types.
• "That Devil Called Love" by Lynda Chater (who lives in Guildford) A novel set in Guildford, Los Angeles and Italy Published by Simon & Schuster Paperback £5.99 Book of the Week in Woman's Own & Woman's Realm W/E Feb 9th 1999 Featured in Marie Claire Feb 1999: "A witty girl-power novel" Company March 1999: "The age-old debate gets a shopping-and-shagging twist in this belter of a book that says more about Girl Power than a whole rack of Spices ever could." The opening of the story is set in Guildford library. It charts the adventures of a Guildford librarian who makes a Faustian pact with the devil, receiving youth and beauty in exchange for her soul. For more information, visit "That Devil Called Love" website at http://www.euen.co.uk/tdcl
• There's now a great new listings magazine for Surrey called THE TICKET, with lists, reviews and articles of things to do and places to go. Look out for it at newsagents, supermarkets and petrol stations. Only £1.80
• If you're really stuck for people to see try the train station where you'll, normally, find a couple of blokes sitting around doing sod all. If there's no one there you could always try down the river or outside Park Street off liscence. This place sells some of the cheapest alcohol in the town , ie Turbo White 2 litre bottle for £3. Or HSL at £1.20 a can.
• If you want to find even better off liscences take the train to Ash Vale and follow the road down to Mytchett. On the left you will find a liittle shop called Woodstock Stores. They sell almost every dodgy cider and larger examples: Special Red, Altra larger etc.
• If you're in the station at about 11pm on a Friday or Saturday you may see a pissed bloke come in smash a bottle and shout "Exploited.........Barmy Army!!!!!!!!"
• Erik Parker once said "Guildford is a beautiful place. Let us keep it so." Don't know who he was or when he said it, but he did.
• Upper High Street Odeon Closed. Multiplex Odeon off Gyratory now completed and open.
  Comfy chairs, expensive Lemonade and I go there too much.
• Spectrum Leisure Centre (Parkway/Ladymead: lots of buses from town) including ice rink and bowls and swimming pond.
• If you're in the slightly younger generation (i.e. too young for the pubs and clubs) the Ice disco at the Spectrum ice rink might be worth a go. It's got loud dance music and loads of people to meet, as well as the skating. However if you're at all good I suggest you buy some ice hockey skates rather than wearing the infamous "blue wellies" (skate hire boots) as these may well cause people to take the piss. You can buy ice hockey skates from around £35 from Surrey Skateboards in Woking (a short train journey away). The Ice disco is from 8.00p.m. until 11.00p.m. on Fridays and 8.30p.m. until 11.00p.m. on Saturdays and Sundays. However I think Friday is by far the best night.
• Computers: PC world near Ladymead, Escom bottom of High Street plus lots more.
• Activities/Societies/Clubs: lots of adult education evening classes. University of the Third age for mainly retired people to do things. Territorial Army, Red Cross, St John's Ambulance (Things I know of: Fencing club, Go board game club, Chess club, Archery club) Note that there is a new multiscreen cinema being built which should open in late 96.
• A new Odeon is being built next to the river where the old leisure centre used to be. This will be finished by the end of the 96 - 9 screens few restaurants - usual thing, but saves you having to go to the Peacock centre in Woking when you want to go to a decent cinema. Don't know what is happening to the old Odeon - never know: it may become a really cool night club.
• The best night to be had in Guidford starts with some fast drinking at Pews wine bar in Chertsey Street, the central hangout for the underground crew; a no-hassle drinking establishment best utilised in the summer months due to its more than adequate garden drinking arrangements. The people here are a mixed bag of trendies, hippies, beats, youngsters and generally the prettiest and most chilled types for miles around. Follow this with the aformentioned Wok club at Bojanglez night club where one can down vast amounts of expensive lagers and bounce the night away to some quality house and techno. Yes it's trashy, yes it's funny. Never known to leave minus a smile. A mention also for Jazz John who DJ's at both Pews (Tuesdays) and Bojanglez (occasionally) and has spun an excellent collection of old school beats for more years than I can remember. Finally add one dash of kebab and a stagger to the nearest taxi rank to have an illegible conversation with some fat sweaty geezer - though whether it is you or the taxi driver that ain't making sense is anyone's guess. As good as it gets in Guildford.
• If you are into walking - or more importantly going to pubs next to rivers - try the tow path walk from Guildford to Godalming (and back again) approx five miles with at least four pubs en route. It can be cycled (for those in a hurry to get the beers in) but there is one stretch of the path that is all deep sand which could be heavy going not to mention hazardous as the path can get a little narrow.
• If you're a punk band that want to put gigs on in Guildford you might be able to get help from Caffeine Megacorp., who put gigs on on the University summer holidays and can be contacted by asking for Paul on 01483 273030.
• The Guildford festival is getting bigger and better each year - this year, they've got Bukem and it looks like it's going to be great. I reckon this could rival the likes of Reading one day...although they'd have to find a bigger venue first.

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Last updated: 2008-10-14