Cringing Cult of Celebrity in Holland-on-Sea, Essex*

Famous residents and ex-residents.

You can tell us more about Holland-on-Sea.

• Saviour of The Big Breakfast, Rick Adams, has set up his own nightclub in the rough Jumper-Pillow Estate. The club, called "An Octopus With Big X-Ray Eyes" is themed on the seminal 1984 Adam Ant album 'Strip'. It was opened by Essex's number one Adam Ant impersonater Peter "Adam Ant" Donovug in March 2000. The only music played there is from the seminal album iteself, giving patrons a choice 12 Phil Collins ruined, over-produced songs. Special nights see two extra songs thrown into the mix (Kiss The Drummer and Yours Yours Yours). New bar man terry Collier says "We only have the twelve songs for a simple reason; it means the patrons can learn all the word and sing along, grooving to what many music insiders beleive to be the best set of songs recorded by anyone, anywhere, ever". Mr Adams is currently thinking of expanding his niche club empire and is heard to be thinking of setting up "I Say Maybe", based on ABC's lovely "Lexicon Of Love", "Me, I'm Touchy" based on A-Ha's "Manhatten Skyline" and "The Ghosts OF My Life" based on Japans fine "Tin Drum".
• Famous Page Three Bird Jordan came here once to buy supplies of marmite to inject into her already abnormally swollen breasts. She figures that she needs to inject thirty jars of marmite into herself every week to keep her in her prime. A sponsership deal for £500k is rumoured to have been offerd to her. Should she accept, she will have have marmite poured from a cement mixer into her breasts in a specially transmitted show, tentatively titled "Jordan uses Marmite To Boost Her Breasts To 48JJJJJJ, And Bigger!". Now thats a lady. . .
• Guy Pierce, one time Neighbours star and now performace artist extroardinaire lives in Trilby Street.

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Last updated: 2008-10-14