The Worst Things in Horsham, West Sussex*

The entirely missable and worth mentioning because of it

You can tell us more about Horsham.

• Makes Stepford look radical, Populace either stuck up and unfriendly or inbred and unfriendly, a dearth of available, attractive men in all age groups, The travesty that is Park Surgery and Surrey & Sussex Healthcare Trust (I worked there), the trains, the buses. I've moved to Cambridge now!
• The people a lot of them not all are quite stuck up and think it is the richest place in the country or something. I worked here for a while and commuted from Dartford and everybody thought I was from Essex showing they have no education although they are so up themselves. Upon questioning me on what it was like where I lived some other loser chipped in with a comment because they had passed through Sidcup near me recently said its rough and full of chavs so this woman said so nothing like Horsham then with real satisfaction. If she was to go to Blackheath, Chislehust and even areas like Orpington which has Keston etc. she would see what real wealth is and a cross section of professions and cultures and pipe the fuck down living in a detatched house on a newish toytown estate 30 miles outside of London does not mean you are in the elite of society try selling your house there and you could barely afford a semi detatched without an extension in Eltham or Welling you fucking mug.
• Beatles non appearance at Drill Hall.
• I started out writing a massive essay on how bad/annoying the placea and people were, but in the end I'd just say - Don't bother visiting it - It's crap and definately never live there (I did for 13 years but now I'm free of the "depression"). Adios Horsham!
• new head at forest
• ppl hav such high expectations...and wots wiv the cobbles...it makes us look like a bunch of old fogies
• No where to buy smokes after pubs have shut
• Friday night in the town centre!!
• Skateboarders, youngsters littering the streets, inconsiderate parking by out of towners
• not enough designer hair sallons, and wen all da pretty boys is using their straighteners there is often a powercut. i would like to see more bling shops so i can buy my fake diamonds. i am comfortable having it in both ears as i am bisexual. keepin it real!!
• Boring, nothing to do except sit in a pub.
• The Bishopric.
• Having to go to work in London all week.
• how conservative, straight, law obiding adn just unaware of the world horsham people are without even realising
• Whatever they're building on the site of the King & Barnes Brewery.
• The running of this town by the conservatives. VOTE LIB DEMS!
• Generally the police here - seems they got two coppers and a meat wagon for every kid in Horsham. my mate pissed on a citroen ZX in Exeter last night, in full view of a riot van full of pigs and they just looked at us in the manner of a disappointed parent, and drove off. We'd have blatently got a night in crawley nick if we were back in the real world... Plus the millions of old grumpy farts and the fact there's no A&E most of the time which is pretty silly in a town which is full of old people and skateboarders/bmxers/Mountain bikers - all of whom require regular hospitilisation...
• The great fat bollack by maccy dees
• all da deck chairs from tanbrige that think there well 'ard and go round throwin their weight around , sum r all right though.
• memories!
• That freak who pretends to be a dolphion trainer and that weirdo who likes inventing name for people. They move around tgether in the evenings disturbing the peace.
• Everything. But especially that weirdo who plagues women when drunk, pretending to be a masked and caped Dolphin Trainer. What a weirdo.
• All of it, it is Hyacinth Bucket's wet dream made real.
• Getting very crowded nowadays. Too many Northern breeds moving in (especially Jocks). New parking scheme is a pain (unless you know all the secret places to park).
• tramps
• horsham district council, fortunately one of the idiots was voted out recently:the ex! coucil chairman john charles.
• I have to live there.
• Cousins Conservatories - don't go there, we did and we're still leaking and it's not raining.
• the sun alliance building is soooooooooooo ugly.
• only 1 ramp in roffey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Most of it
• the car parking prices which fund the flower beds. also all those bloody old people who take up the benches in swan walk 24/7 that scottish security guard in swan walk and you all know who i mean the missarable git.
• CRAIG MANFIELD IS A FUCKING WANKER THE LOCAL SLUT!!!!!
• Too close to Crawley. Hope that gap of land between the 2 towns never gets any smaller. Crawley is a hell-hole!
• Knocking the car parks down and making people pay EXTORTIONATE amounts to park elsewhere. Leaving the youth to fester for YEARS with f*** all to do except take drugs and shag until they built a skate park, which promptly got over-run with muppets the moment it opened....and they wonder why we're listless. Being close to Crawley.
• Crawley Road "traffic calming" . Poorly conceived; confusing; dangerous. Avoid.
• Would it be easier if i wrote the answer to 'the best things', this list will be far to long other wise
• Living here for 28 years (and being 28 years old), think I might be mentally disturbed. Must be a robot, must be a robot, must be a.....
• Possibly THE most insular, conservative, little-Englander, small-town mentality in the whole UK. Racism, homophobia and sexism are rife. A Horsham-ite with a global world view is rarer than hens teeth! And twee!! Jesus, Laura Ashley is actually BUSY in this hotbed of mass-produced chintz! Oh, and the locals regard the public highway as their own personal property, so you can't park LEGALLY without having some in-bred toffee-nosed trollop telling you to 'get orf my land'!
• The rest of it.
• PC Millner - The Fascisct anti-fun policeman that patrols the town centre
• Where do I start. The youth scum of Roffey (sorry Councillors-North Horsham) and Southwater. GROW UP
• Horsham is crap if you're under 18.
• Catching the eye of a nutter in the Lynd Cross and having to hide behind one of the scary doormen
• Its Horsham and its always been Tory and it always will be Tory.......LEAVE THE GODFORSAKEN PLACE IT WILL NEVER GET BETTER!!!
• The fact that half the public transport in Horsham stops at about 5.30!!! That's PM (!) by the way. Reckon it's a cab drivers' conspiracy.
• That 'work of art' opposite Mcdonalds that looks like a cricket ball after a Pakistani fast bowler has picked the seam.
• Passive Sniffer dogs!! they sit and look at you and then you get arrested! DOH!
• Nearly everything that has been needlessly changed since around the 70s to ensure that Horsham is a replica of any other shit town in this country.
• The traffic enraging scheme in Roffey is worth a detour. Marvel at the near escapes through the chicanes and hidden roundabouts and out of towners trying to puzzle it out. Better than any computer game! Horsham nearly had a sex shop recently (shock, horror!) but it was too much for the local councillors and church leaders who run the town. We might get corrupted!
• No night clubs, early pub closing and resultant trouble when middle aged plods try and make everyone go home.
• getting biten
• The loss of the King and Barnes brewery in April 2000.
• Crap Shops
• THE HEAD AT FOREST BOYS COMMUNITY SCHOOL! HE IS 1 EVVVVVVVVIL MUVA
• Queen's Head on a weekday.
• New houses, overcrowding, appalling traffic
• Lack of top quality ice-cream men, which I believe exist in other parts of the country.
• Zip entertainment in the evening, more card shops per captita than any other town anywhere. Too close to Crawley, like in the same country as it.. Shame as the only real entertainment is in Crawley. Bugger !
• Swan Walk - hardly worth the parking fee!
• Shellys Night Club, Weekly fights at the Kentucky Fried Chicken, Total lack of entertainment.
• No late night buses - very, very stupid!
• Horsham shuts at 11.15
• The big new fountain/statue at the bottom of west street where Mr Pinions hairdressers once was! The new style carfax

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Last updated: 2012-02-19