The Best Things in Keggers Hill, Essex*

If you're around, be sure to check these things out

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• The local area war terrorised in 1981 by a dandy highwayman who would swoop down from the trees and scream "Stand and Deliver!". It is thought the proceeds from his robberies went entirely on his clothing which certainly made him stand out in a crowd. He went so far as to smash into the banquet room of Sir Alphonse Bonse's mansion 'Keggers Hall'. Shocked guests were invited to risk everything and join him on his life of crime. Sir Alphonse's security cuaght the rascal (in fact so enraged was Sir Alphonse, he sentenced the highwayman to hang, before throwing his goblet in pure rage). On the day of the hanging, which was attended by American G.Is, Amanda Donahoe and Limahl, the highwayman escaped thanks to one of his gang being disguised as the hangman and was never seen again. Speculation and rumour suggest it may have been him who gatecrashed a local ball, swinging in on a chandalier while others say he helped rid a palace of mice.
• Zack Attack played their first ever gig here (at Bayside High School prom actually). Screech got up to many japes.
• Marc Bolan was not named after the Queen. He was in fact named after Freddie Mercury of The Queen whos real name was Marc Wiggam. It is an easy mistake to make, but one that can be easily avoided by proper research. I suggest "How Marc Bolan got his name, Volume 3", Richard Appleby, Fig Publishing, London, 1979.
• That no one questions anything out of the ordinary; such as the lights in the sky and why Shaun Fenlan weeps when he hears the familiar strains of his native Irish fanny flute.
• The town featured in HG Webbs classic book The Worlds Warring. The book describes the train "The ThunderChild" on its fateful last journey thus: "Th thunderchild shot as fast as a cat throught the towns of eastern essex. Through Chaffley, Clacton and Frinton. It stopped in Kegger Hill to pick up a lame duck who was heading to the coast with her sons. Then it blew up. Nevermind hey? Ulla"
• It is near Barclays river, a huge river flowing from Chaffley to Keggers Hill and one that is entirely man made. It's not water, its nylon.

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Last updated: 2008-10-14