Record Shops in Keggers Hill, Essex*

The places where you buy your music

You can tell us more about Keggers Hill.

• Wicked CockyDiscs from Woolwuffs. I got "The Best 80's Album in the World. . .Eva" (my friend Nigel scribbled out 'ever' and rewrote 'eva' to make it cool). This baby has it all going down. "You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)" makes all the gang up for the fight. Those Mau Maus listen to "The Best 70's Album in the World Ever". They so unhip! They think Roxy, Bowie and T Rex compare to my bitches Men At Work, Astley or Nena? 99 Red Ballons go by! Scorchin' luv but shave those pits.
• A man with an unusually metalic penis sells records out the back of his van. My advice: run a mile
• "New Music" sells new music of every kind. If you go in and ask for music by a new band, a happy, whisitling shop assistant will shwo you the place to find your desired discs. BEWARE: One young lad went in and asked for a CD by Duran Duran and was never heard from again. Some say he was banished to the limbo of Bithith, a small section of the after life where has beens dwell. Ohters suggested he was turned into a dog and can be seen snifing strangers groins. The most popular theory is that he was chained up in the cellar and is being kept alive like is Se7en, the Bard Pitt (yes, Bard, as in Shakespheare). Rumours have abound that Morgan Freeman is on his way here to save him, but I dunno.
• Being a small place, full of small minded people, there is no HMV, Virgin Megastore or Our Price type record shops. There is however, "Winklers Records" which sells old records by bands like Flock Of Seagulls, ABC, Smokey Robinson and the Pips and, oh I don't know. . James perhaps. It is called "Winklers records" because it is in actuality the shop owned by it's owner Keith Winkler. I know what you're thinking - "Wasn't Henry Winkler in Happy Days?", well yes he was, but this is Keith Winkler. Many locals are fed up explaining to autograph hunters that the shop is owned by Keith, not Henry Winkler. The shop even has a sign in the window saying "Nothing to do with Happy Days Henry". I can't help but think that Keith has bought this curse upon himslef, as he was often heard to greet patrons of his establishment with a cry of "Heyyyyyyy!" and follow it up with a thumb salute, the fool.

Search Knowhere for something else:

Credits

Last updated: 2008-10-14