The Stuff We Can't Fit In Somewhere Else in Keggers Hill, Essex*

The things which can't be categorised

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• Keggers Hill is indeed twinned with Chuffing Hell. The ceremony took place in 1989 to celebrate John Leslie becoming the first black Blue peter presenter. Local Mayors Olaf Twixon and Winston Zeddemore french kissed under a banner declaring "Keggers Hill and Chuffing Hell unite to drive out those commies". Sure enough, the cold war ended soon after. The ceremony took place in a small town called Sullyville, which is the midpoint between Keggers Hill and Chuffing Hell. Because Sullyville refused permission for the ceremony to take place there, it was arranged to meet at 2am and use sign laungauge so as not to wake locals. This however did not work (an amusing death causing laughter amongst attendees) and the ensuing fight (Sullyville being helped by those vile Lancastrians) claimed over 30 lives. Keggers Hill has a long tradition of suporting Yorkshire (which is better than Lancashire) and helped them to victory in the second war of the roses in 1978 (sadly the crown had since moved away from both Yorkshire and lancashire, which is why you've never heard of it happening, ok?). Sullyville relied purely on its sandwich making and with so many hand related injuries thier economy was doomed. Now there is a proliferation of porn shops and sex bars. The population is a mere 17. I think a lesson was learnt that day. NEVER CROSS THE UNITED FORCE OF KEGGERS HILL AND CHUFFING HELL.
• There are to many left handed people here. Why must we let lefties take our jobs, live off the state and steal our women? Some do come into the country and work hard. The rest are scroungers. I'd like to see an American style system to weed out all those who are not willing to learn to be right handed. Cack handers are scum and as such need to be stopped. If you take your eyes off them for one minute they'll be using thier grubby left hand to stab you in the balls. Left handedness is sneaky but above all wrong. As it says in the bible "Man shall never use the cack hand. Are they men who slap women, sacrifice animals and kill in the name of the lord when they use thier left hand? No! These things must be done with the right hand". I rest my case. Hang on, I've just thought of some more things. Hitler was left handed and so was Dr Crippin and Davros. God is right handed which is why Jesus sits on it.
• Keggers Hill is actually where Sufism started out and is also the homne of the famous Bombay (nee Keggers Hill) Rattler.
• LOCAL TRADITIONS: Very odd. Once a year, on 21st May each year there is the annual parade which takes place yearly. The Runnning of The Fool takes place in Keggers Hill Town Square. Each year (once a year, every year etc.) every memebr of the town must take a test with questions subjects ranging from zoos, murderers and ghoats, but never ever television or guitars. The person who performs least well (worst) is declared this years "FOOL". They are taken to the plastic factory and cast into a giant plastic egg. The agg is then covered in Chocolate and given to Norway as a giant Kinder Egg, with a fool inside it. This is in return for the big old Xmas Tree which the Norwejians give us each yer (yearly).
• Keggers is twinned with Chuffing Hell in Yorkshire.

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Last updated: 2008-10-14