Buskers, Street Entertainers in Keswick, Cumbria*

Places to find public entertainment

You can tell us more about Keswick.

• The man in the market square who plays with chains and fire all summer, worth watching, very entertaining!
• Matthew the guy that plays the didgeridoo round various doorways/pavements is kinda cool but annoying at times!. Dodgy Donald staggers around with his bottle of sherry-pretty harmless but if you catch him on a bad day you would convince yourself that blokes get PMT too. The big issue lady- BIGGG IIISSSUEEEEE DARLINNNNGGG, BIGGG IIISSSUUUEEEEEE!
• OK, THE ONE THING EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT KESWICK: EVERYONE THERE IS STUCK UP AND ALL THEY DO ALL DAY IS WALK AROUND LAKES WITH THIER SHITTY POODLES AND TWINE WHILE THEY SHIT ALL OVER THE FLOOR, THEN THEY WALK AWAY AND LEAVE IT. KESWICK SCHOOL IS NOT OUTSTANDING, IT IS A SCRUFFY MESS AND EVERYONE SMOKES DOPE - COS THEY CAN AFFORD IT. HOWEVER IF ONE WAS TO BE LOOKING FOR A EXCLLENT SECONDARY SCHOOL IN CUMBRIA ONE WOULD SUGGEST STAINBURN SECONDARY AND SCIENCE SHITHOLE. THIS LOVELY PIECE OF SHIT IS LOCATED IN STAINBURN WORKINGTON AND HAS 1000 FUCK UPS ON ROLE + A GREY HAIRED UMPALUMPA AS A HEADTEACHER. OLD PETER BOY HAS BEEN KNOWN TO ENJOY SPENDING THE SCHOOL BUDGET ON FAKE TAN LOTION RATHER THAN THE SCIENCE LABS - WHICH HAVE GIGANTIC HOLES IN THE FLOOR AND MANY PUPILS HAVE FELL THROUGH AND DIED, IT REALLY CONCERNS ME BUT THE TEACHER ASSURE ME THAT THE HOLES ARE INTENDED TO AID THE MANUVERING OF EQUIPMENT BETWEEN SCIENCE LABS - THIS IS NOT THE CASE!!! A LARGE AMOUNT OF ACID WAS SPILT BACK IN 1965 WHICH HAS GRADUALLY FELL THROUGH THE SCHOOL. WITH THE ADDITION OF MRS HUGE TO THE SCIENCE LABS THE WEAKENED FLOORBOARDS COULD TAKE NO MORE AND SHE FELL THROUGH, KILLING 54 PUPILS ON THE LOWER LEVELS. LUCKILY SHE JUST BOUNCED BACK UP AND EVENTUALLY LANDED IN THE LUXURIOUS STAFF ROOM SOFAS - RIGHT NEXT TO THE CANTEEN, WHERE SHE PROCEEDED TO EAT ALL CAKES/PIES/SAUSAGES/SALADS? - NO!!/CHOCOLATE AND EVERYTHIGN ELSE - INCLUDING THE DINNER LADIES. HOWEVER SHE COULD NOT QUITE MANAGE TO DEVOUR MISS PEARSON WHO WAS TRYING TO EAT 156759485234896234723587349572 MILLION SAUSAGE SANDWICHS WHILE ON MALL DUTY. LUCKY FOR MISS PEARSON SHE LOST 124654 STONE YET SHE STILL WEIGHED 645 STONE.
• Buskers can be found in Keswick intermittently and are generally near the 'pitch & putt' on the way to the Theatre & the Lake. Be warned though that if you fancy busking you're likely to get a beating sooner or later.
• The Convention - two weeks during July, Keswick is invaded by crazy - and I mean CRAZY - bible bashing types. Avoid at all cost. Even locals barracade themselves in for fear of being kidnapped by the man in the orange thong who beleives that women do not exist. Okay...
• Sam.Hinde is often seen strumming away by the subway.bloody good singer looks a bit like buddy holly!
• Near the 'Pitch and Putt' there is a little tunnel with excellent acoustics. There always seems to be someone near here.

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Last updated: 2012-02-22