The Knowhere Guide

The Worst Things in Keswick, Cumbria*

The entirely missable and worth mentioning because of it

You can tell us more about Keswick.

The Worst Things
  • Not being able to see the blooming pavements for tourists and they hundreds of dogs. Leter on discovering all the bloody mess they've left behind...... though I know there are some local culprits too.
  • ROBOUSE JACOB HE GOES ROUND KESWICK SMELLING SLUTS BUMS
  • Loads of drunken geordies during the beer festival. Loads of middle aged men having a mid life crisis who frequent the beer festival. Loads of screeching women who act like they've never tasted alcohol before during the beer festival. You get the picture!. Stuck up tourists who think a bar is a bistro and treat you like poo on their shoe if their meal comes out like a second late. Hikers walking round town in the height of summer dressed like they are going up Everest. Southerners expecting you to keep bar/shop open all night because "Where I'm from everything is 24 hours!!" well, it isn't here love, so JOG ON!.
  • The lake in the middle of summer when its like picadily circus.
  • night clubs
  • winter
  • All of it. Fucking shite. Fuck keswick, And fuck crazy golf.
  • The Convention!
  • THE GREY HAIRED UMPALUMPA - AKA PETER SHAW
  • Seriously short of tottie in winter. Oooh, ugly.
  • The Geordie Invasion on every bank holiday weekend Large amounts of scallies and loads of boy racers The occasional presence of heavy handed coppers The lads with the Saturday nights alright for fighting attitude who freqent the Lion & the Queens lastly (even though I am a God botherer myself) the Convention can be more than annoying) although there's always plenty of room in the Pubs in those three weeks!!
  • Geordie tourists vomitting up the place
  • The Convention. Saying that, it has to be seen to be believed.
  • Keswick convention - religious sods and absolute pain in the arse
  • Godamn tourists turning up for two months of the year, buying holiday homes and leaving a ghost town for over 10 months of the year... gits. The town has been suffering from a major overdose of scallyism.. far too many Adidas tracksuits.
  • shite bites oh sorry light bites crap sandwiches
  • Visiting drunken Geordies wearing black and white items.
  • (there is pool in Casablancas, Cornerbar, Rafters and the Queens back bar.) correction.
  • There is not a SINGLE PUB WITH A POOL TABLE IN KESWICK

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Credits

All the information in the Knowhere Guide has been contributed by users over the years. No one person is responsible for it all and not all contributors will agree with all the opinions included.

Parts of this information have been supplied by: j smith, robouse, Paul Bunn, J.J.Clarke, trish, leala, fun boy, hunny, s.sanders, john, Macka, jack, Joel, Chris Briggs, matt, Helen W, paul smith, m simpson, 888, Alex Walker, generic, mark jones, mo, Alex, Sam, kat, kris, Rebecca Link, Winston Lennon, mandy, Naz, FreakOnALeash, peter oliver, SueMe, X, Alan Dunn, hillybegs, wellinever, paul jones, Emily Thompson, Graham, Ali Stewart, chris sim, Johnny T, Cato, rebecca griffin, Webby, harry

Last updated: 2012-02-22

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