ny Hull.

Niece - Nicola Pope?

I think my mother lived on 50 Kirkstone Drive

If you have any information about them or any other relatives related to them please contact me.

Thank you

smere Port
Wirral, Cheshire
CH65 6QF
on
Sat 7th AUGUST 2010

For the past couple of years our Sat eve modern jive/west coast swing social has been a complete sell out please therefore ensure you book early to avoid disappointment.

To purchase Saturday night Modern Jive / West Coast Swing social passes
£10 per person
use the Dance Entries & Passes link
@
www.headliners.org.uk
web site.
then scroll down to Saturday night social passes
on the registration link
on the STAR STUDDED CHAMPIONSHIPS page

Tickets will also be available through
Le Roc Merseyside
(John Lloyd and Hazel – Surguy Price)
Please note that due to current demand the remaining social tickets are being restricted. To secure a ticket please book online a s a p.
**FULL WEEKEND PASS INCLUDES SAT EVENING FREESTYLE**

month.

Just imagine getting paid for ever, for one reccomendation, have a look on my website :-

www.securityforlife.info

Kind Regards for 2009

David

ProAm' Competition, and a 'Dance with a stranger' Competition. Both held on the evening of Saturday 2nd August 2008.

To take part in the ProAm competition it will be necessary to be at the venue at 1830 on the Saturday evening.

See below for further details

MODERN JIVE & WEST COAST SWING FREESTYLE, WORKSHOPS & COMPETITION SATURDAY 2ND AUGUST 2008
including the all new
**PROAM JIVE DIVISION **
NORTHWICH MEMORIAL HALL, CHESTER WAY, NORTHWICH CW9 5QJ UK

SOCIAL COUPLES DIVISION - chose one or more dances from West Coast Swing, Cha Cha, Night Club & Two Step and perform with your regular partner///.

SOCIAL PROAM DIVISION - chose one or more dances from West Coast Swing, Cha Cha, Night Club & 2Step and dance with your teacher/pro. Only the student is scored
(For those interested in dancing with Siobhan, James or Steve please email///

PROAM JIVE DIVISION - perform with your teacher/pro. Only the student is scored (Newcomer/Novice or Intermediate/Advanced divisions apply)(For those interested in dancing with Siobhan, James or Steve please email dance@headliner.plus.com for further details)///

The Saturday evening social will include modern jive & west coast swing dance with a stranger fun competition together with cabaret performances.

Non Competitor Evening Only Pass £10.00///
Non Competitor Full Day Pass £15.00////
Non Competitor Full Weekend Pass £35.00///
Social Competitor Full Day Pass (Inc Competition Fees)£25.00///
Social Competitor Full Weekend Pass (Inc Competition Fees) £55.00///

This prestigious event is expected to sell-out so reserve your tickets now:

Online : www.headliners.org.uk
Email : dance@headliner.plus.com




wcs=west coast swing

rform.

It would also look good on your CV.

So far 9 out of 10 women like the material. I can't believe it meself. I'd even be happy with 50%.

Looking at it from the lads' mag point of view, what they want are boobs and gags: if they did an article about you and your standup act [making mention that you perform it and i write it] then there would be boobs and gags in one feature, both boxes would be ticked.

They have open mike spots every week in the Manchester and London comedy clubs.

If you are outside these regions, most cities have comedy clubs and thus probably open micke spots that you can enter to perform the material as the Vaserlan character.

Then you'd get paid gigs.

You'd get 50% of the profits from the gigs but most importantly you have a great chance of getting into Nuts [by giving them something to write about] to kickstart your career because you're sexy and my standup material is considered funny. [I'm not being big heanded here - i'm just going for the hard sell. ]

WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE TO DO:

1: contact me to have a chat about the standup: msn [vaserlan@hotmail.co.uk]

2: Peform the standup comedy at comedy club open mike spots nearest to you.

3: Get paid gigs where you'll keep 50% of each fee.

4: We approach the Nuts, Zoo, etc ... and they do the main article on us.

* At which point i should lie back like Hannibal Smith and say "I love it when a plan comes together". :)


my msn and email is vaserlan@hotmail.co.uk

Here is the material on m myspace blog:

http://blog.myspace.com/creator_of_vaserlan [if you are a mspace member, please leave a comment]

Here is the material:

WGAw registered

VASERLAN
My man Blake suffers from terrible constipation. He came out the toilet the other day looking positively drained. I heard him mutter to himself "Oh, I'm exhausted." And to be honest I was listening to his ... ordeal the whole time. This is what I said to him:
(containing her laughter*)
I must say, you were making some tremendous noises there, Blake.
(pause)
Not enough fibre?



'laughter*' = it should be very obvious that Vn is barely managing to not laugh - this should be great facial comedy.



VASERLAN (CONT'D)

I mean, there was a lot of grunting + groaning: it was like you were trying to give birth in there.



She makes the noises:



VASERLAN (CONT'D)

Arrh - 1, 2, 3, push ...

(comic timing)

(spoofing excitement)

- I can see the head.



Bl's reaction shot.



VASERLAN (CONT'D)

I mean, many women have compared* childbirth ... to just a rally big poo ...

(pause)

... sans the ... 'bundle of joy'.



'compared*' = My mum says it does compare. Of course, as the product of that birth I don't find that comparison entirely flattering.

VASERLAN (CONT'D)

(smiles: covering up*)

- 'course, I wouldn't know about that.



She smiles more.



up* = would like to have a child but can't.



=======================================================

vaserlan

(covers up emotionally: glances at the toilet then back to Blake)

And to think those silly Americans call it a 'rest room'.

(amused: teasing Blake)

I take it you found your 'rest'

(smiles - amused)

... a little tiring.

(contain laughter - just)

Perhaps you should take the 'rest' of the morning off.



VASERLAN

The Church really does need to modernise: besides toning down the pointy hats. I know, they could bring out a more modern edition of the bible. They could even bring out a scratch-n-sniff edition: y'know "scratch-n-sniff Jesus – smell that holiness" because historical sources do suggest he smelt nice – a musk, by all accounts.

=============================================

Vaserlan

Men really are inconsistent

(comical annoyance)

(stopping herself from swearing)

... blighters. If you ask one why their lot climb Everest, they'll say "because, it's there." ...

(comical annoyance)

Yes well, the ironing is 'there' but they don't what to do that. They don't want to tackle that particular mountain.



===============================]

VASERLAN

Men really do expect us to whisper such sweet nothings as: "Oh my god – it's like a bollard! You could do me and injury with that thing. You could impale me on it. Split me in two – it's like just SO big."

=================================



ME [AS HECKLER]

(shouting)

Show us your tits.



YOU

No, YOU show us your sixpack, your … 'ripple'. Get your manhood out. Show us the size of your portion.

(goad him)

Well, go on.

(pause)

What's the problem, don't you want us to see your STDs?



AUDIENCE LAUGHTER. IMHO



YOU [CONT'D]

Scratch that …

(realisation she's made an unintentinal pun)

(look to rest of the audience)

- Well, he probably does.

(pause for laughter)

No, I mean 'forget that'. Because in order to get STDs you actually have to have sex in the first place. Which, looking at you, … isn't very likely.

(pause then thumbs up to him)

You're as safe as houses, mate. Now go away and work on your personality.

(pause)

You might also want to buy a copy of nuts* I'm in and wank over that – it's the closest you'll ever get.

(realisation)

I must apologise for that ladies and gentleman … I mean, it's a shameless plug, isn't it.

(pause)

Well, atleast his mum loves him … presumably.





* = whatever. You'll definitely be in the mags

VASERLAN

I bet you think you look good in that blatant "it's all part of the act: don't hit me costume"?

(gesture to the audience)

Benjamin David, everyone. My stooge. What a Herbert. He's always at pains to say he only sounds really Jewish ... well at least that's what he tells Muslims. He's also having a well needed nose job on the 27th. Don't stare at it – you'll only make him self-conscious: I repeat, don't stare at his hooter, stare at

(points to chest)

m ...

(reaction shot: you think better of it)



Your hand is frozen pointed at your chest.



Lower your eyes. Notice the point. Reaction shot.



Look up at the audience'



Shoot ie move your hand away very quickly trying to hide the point.



... I'm not gonna do that pun. I'm pulling out.

(looking into the audience/distance – with peering hand gesture like a sailing ship lookout)

The conditions on the ground say bring the puns home ... they're not welcome.



Look at him in his white coat ... He's not here to sell ice creams. Oh y'know that already. Look at the state of his costume, it's dirty round the neck and those highly suspicious stains won't come out, y'know. How lazy is that? Instead of cleaning the costume he said

(mock my voice)

"Oh just put it in the act. Make a feature of it." He's even holding a script because he can't remember when he comes in with his one line.

(realisation)

Wait a minute, I'm meant to be in character here.

(back on track)

Honestly, "show us your tits" - now why would I want to do that?



Takes off coat.



Because it's for the next bit.

(realisation)

Oh – almost forgot ....



Gesturing towards your figure



Tada!



=============================

VASERLAN

It's simple, I'm a Time Lady a ... Time Gypsy, sorry 'Traveller'., a female alien person who decided to look human. Someone who looks exactly like some ... extremely talented young actress by the name of [INSERT YOUR NAME HERE]. Basically, I'm like Doctor Who ... except that ... I'm well written ... and I've got ... boobs: sensible boobs mind not comedy boobs as big as say Bono*'s head.



* = NB on Room 101 it was revealed he avoids paying Irish tax by keeping it offshore. Also he gives very little to charity and I have an Oxfam campaign leaflet that tells him and Geldoff [£26 Million fortune] to put their money where their mouth is.

[will be rewritten to suit or you could be padded out.]

They are a sensible size. [INSERT YOUR SIZE] -cups are still sensible. I mean, I'm not like Jordan ie my cleavage doesn't look like I've got a couple of bald men down there

(pushes bust together)

butting heads. I aint secretly calling this one Phil and this one Grant ... I don't call them my 'Mitchells'. Jordon does but I don't.

(pause)

Well, I imagine she does, I don't want to give the impression that it's her line.

(comical pride)

when it's mine, all mine.

(realisation)

Anyway, back to the exposition. the reason why I don't call them my Mitchells ... is because that couple of big pink tits doesn't match the rest of me. Remember: Phil and grant are whities ... they're crackers. Whereas these tremendous wholemeal baps ... aint. Well they are ... crackers that is.

(realisation)

... I'm not gonna do that pun. I'm pulling out.

/distance – with peering hand gesture like a sailing ship lookout)

The conditions on the ground say bring the puns home ... they're not welcome.

(pause)

Now if you don't know what 'cracker' means ... well tough ...

I aint changing my act. This is a good bit this is – you might not think so ... but I do!

(sheepish)

I'm moving on to the next bit now: I'm gonna give you some more exposition.



Vaserlan (CONT'D)

I also have superpowers,

(See Subtext treatment about Vaserlan's secrets)

...I can't die:

(Action Verb: to elaborate)

...I'm an immortal energy being.

VASERLAN (CONT'D)

You don't understand the implications ... it means, I'm even older than Joan Rivers...

(Pause + joking)

... and that takes some going.

(Pause + Joking*)

I even received a telegram from her.

================================



she's proper old. She was born so long ago that her first stand-up routines came out on wax cylinder.



Same sound quality as Edison's "Mary had a Little Lamb".





"JOAN RIVERS*"

"Yesterday, I found my first grey hair."

===============================



VASERLAN

(back as herself)

No one's nicer than me ... nor as stylish. Not even Chantelle.

==================================

===============================

I'm a package.

(pause: comical pride again)

(smile - thinking on her feet)

- Marvellously wrapped. - I'm in fine fettle.

========================================



áFROM R22 SHEET 3:

*******************************************************



This bloke I'm after, Blake's his name looks at lot like Sam Jackson.

(comical annoyance)

It's not right – Blake should be under my thumb – I'm the woman, not him.

==================================



Vn

Well,

(comical annoyance)

He could at least glance at my ... endowments; my best bits. But no; - he hasn't the common decency.

(shakes head)

No furtive glances ... not one ...

(comic annoyance)

- quite frankly, I feel insulted.

(comically insistent)

I'm a glamour puss, a corker, a hot London Lady – I demand furtive glances.

(Pause)

(anger)

But not stares. When any man stares at my chest.

(smiles)

Well, ... he'll be 'discouraged' from doing so again

(lusty)

... unless he's really fit:

(aroused)

- grrr.

(pause: smiles)

In summary: I demand blokes take a shufti:

(with comical pride)

I'm hootymongous.



*******************************************************



VASERLAN

Well, in order to get my Blake:

I'm pulling out all the stops!

(pause: comical contrast ie understated)

I'll have to wear even less: ...

(pondering)

... mmmmmm - run the risk of looking tarty.



I'll have to start ... 'flaunting my person'.

(reacts to the audience)

Yes, 'start'.



==================================

VASERLAN (CONT'D)

(she points at us)

(trying to be insistent)

There's nowt wrong with ...

(trying to repress doubts – play for comedy)

'skimpy'.



Vn represses doubts ~ the word 'skimpy' because she's a good looking feminist at war with herself.



Vn (CONT'D)

This attire is full on fantastic, yet no nipples – I retain my class*3.



*3 = I hope Jeri thinks in a similar way J.



Someone in the audience smirks.



VASERLAN (CONT'D)

(annoyed)

Did you smirk in that audience?

(pause)

I'm not a 'tart'. Just because I've had my leg over more times than an Olympic hurdler. I am immortal, that means I had a lot of "hurdles" to 'get over' in life. You'd have a long list if you were a billion years ... young.



VASERLAN (CONT'D)

Yes I keep a record: I've got a whole library of little black books. It takes up half of the ship.

================================





Vn:

(pause)

(comical pride)

Infact, I've had my leg over more times than the Jolly Rodger herself: Angelina

(prn: Jolly)

Jolie. And, just as the case of me being even older than joan Rivers, that takes some going

(comical realisation)

But that doesn't mean I'm a tart.

(comical defensive)

I am immortal, y'know.

(sheepish)

And I have needs.



If anyone calls me 'tarty', or

(subtle pause)

'meretricious' ... I will kill them! Even if they have a large vocabulary. ... Like Blake, yesterday he said I was disingenuous. You know what I said? I said

(put on a bimbo voice)

"Oooh that's a big word. What does it mean? Please explain – you'll have to: I am blonde."

(back on track)

Enough of my enormous intellect.

(pause: composing herself)

I've said this before: I am not binding down my best bits in order to avoid the male patriarchal term 'tarty' whose aim is to slander those women who men think have too much sexual empowerment ... ie those sexy women who tell them to 'piss off' ... or those women who are a bit rough looking ... and wear leggings. Women who insist they are sexy – that the bronzing pearls are working:

(*5)

'Oooh – I'm gonna pull tonight.

(pause)

I'll be ... irresistible.'



*5 = Vn puts on a comedy cockney accent and rubs her face vigorously.



Vaserlan (CONT'D)

(getting back on track)

So, they insist they are sexy ... when really, these ... orange women-in-leggings ... are just dogs ... – bronzed dogs.

(vn realises she's been a bit offensive about women)

(pause)

Fellow women, female persons,



Vn does the Fedn hand gesture – half heartedly.



VASERLAN (CONT'D)

(half-hearted)

[Yeah – right on] I implore you, please do not use these terms of oppressive patriarchy for other women; but use them for men. Call men 'tarts' and 'dogs' and 'orange sluts'.

I was gonna do a bit about the A-spot being physical proof that ... bumming is natural but I've not had

time. I could have got extra

(hand gesture)

"right on" bonus points.

before.

Ooh, and while I think about it - where was the TSB before it was there? I can't even remember that!

Thanks in advance.

s there,

take a look over it excellent site and community, please register so they can help you.

all the leeters FAQ's templates are there free of charge. it is a none profit site just intended to help others.

thanks in advance.
and i do not wish to upset anyone on here just trying to help peole out.
__________________
claim all charges back added by your bank, credit card, loan etc. Free advice in our Forum
www.consumercorner.co.uk/forum

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