The Worst Things in Newcastle-under-Lyme, Staffordshire*

The entirely missable and worth mentioning because of it

You can tell us more about Newcastle-under-Lyme.

• The bus service, and the ridiculous locals who never have anything pleasant to say.
• The bus service, and the ridiculous locals who never have anything pleasant to say.
• practically everything in pooldam really
• lack of nice lunch venues
• Newcastle is homophobic and bigoted. Avoid in the evenings and at weekends when the council estate scum come into town for the cheap shops. I saw an Indian couple get spat at by 2 teenaged girls on a Newcastle to Audley bus in Silverdale last month. That sums Newcastle up.
• the woman outside boots who shouts "big issue please thankyou"
• The lack of entertainment, apart from drinking in pubs and eating
• Its a stone throw from horrible, scummy, working class, racist, homophobic, xenophobic, horrible, scally-filled, slapper-filled Stoke.
• potteries accent
• Stay away from Newcastle-under-Lyme town centre of a Friday and Saturday night if you're over twenty-five years of age as it has been transformed in recent years from a quaint, medieval market town into a pedestrianised bar-cum-discotheque crowded with girls too scantily clad to match the freezing weather and hundreds of boys pursuing them through an alcohol-wreaking, cigarette-smoke haze. You may slip on the vomit!
• By the way - Knutton really isnt that bad mate - its Milehouse you probably mean. The top of Knutton is really friendly, its just the windy council bits that are a bit rough - but thats usually the same anywhere. Honestly!
• A gentle stroll to Castle will reveal all sorts of things. Firstly, apparantly the shell suit is still fashionable, people worship the style of the Gallagher brothers(are they trying to adopt this duo in favour of the fat one from Take That?) The kids running havoc swapping kilos of skag in the school yard. In conclusion the abundance of rascist, foul mouthed, shell suit wearing nine-year-old males accompanied by their fat, ugly heavily pregnant girlfriends.
• Anywhere to the west of the A34 (Cross Heath, Knutton, Crackley Bank, Silverdale, Waterhayes Village). Just carpet bomb the lot. Especially Cross Heath - Charter Road (all the houses are boarded up) Albermarle Road, Wilmot Drive. Don't go there alone and take your crash helmet or ammour if you do. And then don't bank on coming out unscathed. Too many dickheads out at night looking for a scrap (from the above places spending their Giro's)
• Thieving drunken b*****d’s whom hang around Morris Square Wolstanton and there’s plenty of them. Be careful when taking a trip to your local shops at night as you may stand in their urine. The decent locals whom live only streets away are beginning to leave the area. Even your neighbours will steal from you and damage your property. BE WARNED BE CAREFUL when visiting here if you dare. Shame really since all this shit started only a couple of years ago, Wolstanton was once a decent area. Drugs are also becoming more readily available especially Morris Square, back of Alldays and basically any back streets. Certainly no area to bring-up children unless you want them to fall into the same category.
• The crap bus service - Pottories Motor Tansport - appropriately shortened to PMT.
• it's near stoke!
• Too many thick people sitting on their arses on benefits moaning! Very racist town
• Zanzibar - you refer to this. I lived in NUL for 20 years until I moved to the south of England with my work. I returned to visit family for new year 1997 and went to Zanzibar with a group of freinds. Through no fault of my own, I was thrown out of the club, followed by a beating from 4 bouncers on the car park. I believe that this is common practice here. I am still persuing the matter through the legal system. Zanzibar still has not responded to 12 letters from my solicitor. APART FROM THIS TERRIBLE ORGANISATION OPERATING A CLUB IN NUL, I THINK THE TOWN IS ACE AND WOULD LOVE TO RETURN PERMANENTLY SOON.
• Newcastle Under Lyme School not only went private in the 1980s, thereby depriving local students of a Grammar School education, but it also acts as a home for a variety of social misfits and halfwits who insist that grades are more important than learning. Forgive me for thinking that this school merely perpetuates the hierarchy of the upper-middle class by passing on the information that matures them from obnoxious adolescents with too much pocket-money to middle-managers with too much power. Still, it does help us all by making sure that these pupils are too awkward with girls to ever reproduce. An area called 'The Whammy' (kinda catchy isn't it?) in Knutton, where we wandered by mistake when we first moved here and got stoned with large fist-sized rocks as a result. When we went to tell the 'friendly' police (see other entry) we were told it wasn't worth making a complaint. Apparently the police don't go there except in pairs. Also whole area around Knutton seems to be affected to a lesser degree, with gangs of young guys with nothing to do hanging around, which ain't pleasant.
• General scum
• Lack of descent shops
• Port Vale F.C. is only 5 miles up the road and not in Wales like Ebbw Vale.
• The Buses stop at midnight so it's a long walk home after the club.
• Everybody thinks you're Geordie when you say you are from Newcastle.
• The University (Keele) students are all in Halls in Keele which means they don't mingle with the locals very much, but that's no bad thing as they are all a bit posh, (I know I live in Keele outside of term time)
• It's full of Stokies The grime of "The Potteries" The belief (by the local populace) that this IS the centre of the Universe - thanks God it isn't !
• Homophobic capital of England - You Bastards

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Last updated: 2010-06-20