The Knowhere Guide

The Worst Things in Newquay, Cornwall*

The entirely missable and worth mentioning because of it

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The Worst Things
  • Wish I'd read this before I'd decided to relocate!One thing that's always puzzled me about Newquay though...there seems far more homeless blokes with dogs on a string than in most big cities...why is that?
  • ARRIVING.
  • Lots of dog mess everywhere..large groups of youths in summer..litter everywhere and it,s really expensive
  • It,s very clicky and full of ignorant self centered people.
  • people can be very seasonal and fickle round these parts. all the usefull shops in town have clothes and become clothes shops so even less people come into town off season. plus the stag/hen/do's etc have ruined the town tourist are great people coming to our town to drink lots and "lose there inhibitions" are really ruining things for those that live here and like to visit.
  • your town being taken over by strangers ! the summer time !
  • That the once cool 'Extreme Academy Bar' is now a 'Plan B' restaurant for disappointed wannabes, and full of boorish stockbrokers, and there's not a surfer in sight.
  • all the chav kids drinkin vodka round the back of the vic bars
  • emmets
  • No macdonalds in newquay - considerin it is like the best hangover food in the world ever it is so needed. Gettin a taxi after midnight in newquay is also damn near impossible.
  • TOURISTS, OLD GRANNIES
  • Have you seen Straw Dogs? it accurately sums up the violent devil worshipping racist inbreds who inhabit this shitty part of the country. West country accents and generally small minded pathetic little people. Cornish surfer dudes, oh please! you're not in California you narrow minded hicks!
  • The Cornish men, come on lads if a nice bird accidently looks in your direction it doesnt mean she wants you to come over and try and grope her, ive never met blokes so eager and desperate not all girls are dirty slappers just cos there on holiday, if northern girls want a man they go over and get him they dont need to be drooled over! it aint sexy and it wont get you knowhere guys1
  • THE SUDDEN SWELL OF TOWNIE SCUM IN THE SUMMER,OLD PEOPLE,THE POLICE DONT DO THEIR JOBS
  • How tourisy its getting. Yeah, i know i am one but i like the way newquay is. I dont want it to be some haven for every piss head in the country that fancies somewhere else to eiya magaluf, kovos etc. The atmosphere is changing, 2002, down on the beach after the clubs, relaxing by the fire chatting to anyone, hundreds of people band so good. 2003 after that documentary Newquay uncovered, same amount of people just 50% complete pricks. Alot of good stuff still though. Southerners thinking they have more right to be there than anyone. London is about the same driving time as it is from West Yorkshire. Yeah us northerners have our fair share of arse holes, but look at yerselves for a bit. Locals thinking that just cos people are tourists they shouldnt be there, sorry but we drive the economy down there you couldnt be without them. I got this one guy walk into me, im like -- sorry mate. He`s says your not local f**k off, then starts. Yeah, im one person walking on the beach finding my mates cos i went off wit some bird i pulled, he`s there with his lot (very tough). They pulled him back though, but who cares, it just proves a point.
  • The little kids and families with pushchairs!
  • All the groups who come down in matching tops wit stupid slogans and nicknames like the legendary 'fat willy'.
  • sunnyside. the delightful prison like accommodation, where you have to wear a wristband at all times (yes, your whole holiday. think of the photos!)and the security guards act like a very angry (and muscly) mummy.
  • the family tourists and only being able to get a job in a hotel for the summer!although it is a real laugh!
  • The bloody 'southeners' tight sleevless tops, throwing up after 2 pints, and using stupid words like geezer! Go to Southend and leave us be!
  • Newquay in whole
  • the mayfield estate.....dont go there!!!!!!
  • The Atlantic - why would anyone build something as ugly as that?
  • The winter is the worst it is sooo boring and the weather is really bad.
  • the seagulls and the idiots that feed them!
  • Worst thing would be the trek we had to do wiv our bags up the hill tooooooooo far, i was told only 10 minutes but in fact it was about 20 - 25(hours), thats it all the rest is good.
  • no cinema
  • All the northerners who arrive in cavemen like tribes and ponce about in football shirts,pretend to be Noel or Liam,play their car stereo's too loud,nick anything that isn't nailed down and generally get on everyones tits.
  • Smugglers Haven is a shit hole. Last August me and my mate met these moody birds from Bristol and they took us back to their chalet there. Its a dive. Theres cockroaches, the showers don't work, its a rip off, its in the middle of nowhere.........(get the picture!)
  • SMUGGLERS HAVEN - we just got back from staying there-damn rip off-do NOT go there 1) there was a mouse in our chalet 2) it's built on a concentration camp 3) the electricity cable broke leaving us with cold water, food in the fridge going off and no heat 4) the bathroom flooded everyday 5) there were spiders everywhere 6) snails on the shower curtain 7) dirty perverts claiming they were from Loaded 8) Repeated break ins 9) police always around 10) smelly, damp beds 11) no cutlery - i don't need to say anymore apart from the fact we paid around £500/£600 for 4 people - how bad is that??
  • Ignorant Southerners who whinge about Northerners. Where's the North anyway? I doubt if you know!
  • The winter! forabout8 months the town shuts down and theres nothing to do its getting better cause there sposed to be building askatepark
  • Having to come home is the worst thing ever, you'll never want to leave.
  • TALLTRESS PULLS NEWQUAY DOWN
  • Seagulls, there is nothing worse!
  • Northeners in Umbro tops and Fat Willys shorts eating chips and mushy peas, tucked in Ralph Lauren shirts at night, pissin in the street, fighting, shouting, puking after three pints, poncing fags, taking up valuable space at night clubs so normal people have to queue for ages.
  • There's nothing here, too busy in the summer. Too many emmets (tourists), too many cheap and nasty shops.
  • Tourists trying to drive round Newquay, they don't seem to understand what a one way sign is. Parking is non existant, seaguls were trained by the RAF. Traffic is bad in the summer - walk in if you are staying within five miles.
  • Beaches are dirty.
  • Winter: no-one is there, the clubs are empty and the place resembles a ghost town. Pollution, the beaches and water are a disgrace. No cimema! Newquay used to have two cinemas and a theatre at one time....
  • Licensing laws in Newquay are horrendous - nowhere is open after 1am. Nightlife there has the potential to be excellent but there are too many people with not enough places to go which makes pubs and clubs tightly packed out!!
  • All the crap that the visitors bring with them!
  • Smuggler's Haven campsite, Trevelgue, about 2 miles out of Newquay. Disgusting, an absolute rip off. I went for the August Bank Holiday (1998) and had to pay 46.50 for 4 nights when I was only staying for three because of the minimum stay rule. What's more, you actually have to pay 20p for a shower!! This is extortion. DO NOT STAY THERE!!

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Credits

All the information in the Knowhere Guide has been contributed by users over the years. No one person is responsible for it all and not all contributors will agree with all the opinions included.

Parts of this information have been supplied by: laura, Boyd Shaw, Will, kieran, donna, alvin, Michael Hoban, Ian Dawkins, rod, Geoff, Haydn, Rosie, djkai, John C, jon, Joe, Charlotte, zoe, Maddy, kate, Tim Smalls, jake holland smith, Jess, Kenneth, Simon Chidley, dan smith, michell williams, lauren, colin o'neill, Jeff, KAI, A.J, Kat, ricky, Hayley Mathews, Natalie Mills, Leeanne Plechowicz, Simon, kim fraser, stylon, jones, 62, Jess Parkin, carla, Alli, Gwyn Richards, pete smith, stu, DO IT! JUST DO IT!!, James Morpurgo, kathy, Fugly, Luke, Jacqueline, emma, tez, Tim Lord, Gruffster, Danny Parker, susan, Lucia faye, sally, generic, Karel Weis, nial westwood, sara jones, Matthew Bunt, David Russell, Ice, glen, Lynne, joey, steph, anna norén, Wayne, David Nott, Ashley Cawley, Dave McKechan, M Beaumont, andy, Adam, piggy, rich, mezza, Milly, Jude Smith , Steve Watts, Tim, tanger, Kan, Fliss, Chromiumballs, SEAN, karl, Woody, S Ash, Steve

Last updated: 2014-01-25

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