Hookup Spots in Peterculter, Aberdeenshire*

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• Wot a lot of crap these people have written. U make culter sound like torry or bedford. Its NOT. I know cos ive lived in both those places ! Things have changed since I was brought up in Culter but grow up...its not half as bad as ur making out !! Kids will b kids + have fun but not all of them are smokin pot at rob roy or shagging at the swing park. Get it right eh !!
• The bench outside Alldays is still there, only because it has been NAILED and CEMENTED to the ground after being found on the bus shelter roof. The Culter Youths (CY as they now like to be called) now congregate at the bench directly outside 'Blacks' the pub, beside the other bus shelter, probably because they can then watch their mates shoplifting and chatting up the Culter talent in Spar or Alldays. It also means that anyone getting off the bus either gets hurled abuse or their arse pinched. Sandy Hilly, beside Bucklerburn, is quite popular with the teenagers. Probably becasue they are waiting to catch a glimpse of Calvin Goldspink from S Club Juniors. Most people that hang around here are either too young to get into the pubs, or they're banned from them. You can find the teenagers drinking vodka and rolling down the hill at 3am most weekends. You might also want to check out the portaloo in the village. It's quite handy if you fancy a 'quickie' with one of the slappers that work in 'Blacks'. It even has a hand dryer which also works as a heater! The play equipment at Johnston Gardens could also be handy if your looking for somewhere to hook-up with a Culter Girl. Expect to find kids getting stoned and drunk at the mini-fortress though . Just tell them you'll call the police and they'll run away so you can get it all to yourselves.
• the bench is no longer there.also the gorden arms hotel has just been sold and will be turned into flats
• Try going under the Bridge on a summers evening. Just follow the sweet smell of smoke. You can get pissed, fall into the river and drown. Note I refer to the Rob Roy Bridge, the little bridge in Johstone Gardens park is strictly for shagging under. Be carefull though, it's cold there and gave me piles. At least I hope it's piles... Satanic Rituals should be held in the wooden fort in the aforementioned Johnstone Gardens. There used to be a concrete bus shelter outside the ploughman that could be used for ritual sacrifice. This now takes place at the other end of the village in the remaining concrete shelter on the A93. Note the pentogram and smell of wee wee.
• PETERCULTER: As featured in the News of the World.
• The bench between the shops and the bus shelter. This is usually inhabited by the much feared (no shit) YCMM (Young Culter Mental Mob). The best place to trap is Black's Bar - it isn't actually called that anymore but the locals can't read. A high proportion of the clientele are mongols and many others are inbred. Personally I'd try the barmaid. If you like trouble then try the Hotel AKA Gordon Arms. They'll humiliate and kick the shit out of anyone who can't trace their local ancestory back at least 6 generations. Drugs are a big NO NO in here. It has been commented on that most of the clientele are fat and male. The Ploughman has good food, but be sure and go in the door to the Right. Younger punters should try the local chip shop where they can form a picket line to prevent older people gaining access. There is ample parking for 500 scooters in the car park. The caravan park is the culter equivilent of a red light district, but a gender check is essential prior to any sex. Sheltered housing also has something of a reputation. If you are coloured then you should be prepared to have your name prefixed with Darkie IE Darkie Steven. Under the Rob Roy Bridge is a good place to go for a smoke, but getting back out from under it is a bit of a problem. Courting couple should proceed to the swing park in Johnson Gardens where a sheltered shag can be performed under a small bridge. If you prefer something kinkier then Storybook Glen is located 2.5 miles away, after scaling the fence you can find glassfibre sculptures of many poular tales such as 'The shoe The Old Woman Lived In', that are easily accessable for a fuck. I particularily recommend Sleeping Beauty's Castle.

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Last updated: 2011-03-04