The Stuff We Can't Fit In Somewhere Else in Pirroni-cum-Moze, Essex*

The things which can't be categorised

You can tell us more about Pirroni-cum-Moze.

• The Saxons called Pirroni Fulepet, meaning Grotty Stinking Hollow. When the Normans took it over in 1066 they re-named it Beaumont, meaning Beautiful Hill (and also blowing its cover as Pirroni). Take your pick! Moze, meaning Bog, has been deserted since the Middle Ages. You'll need to go to Clacton to find an open, public one.
• Here is a time line of the developemtn of Pirroni-Cum-Moze. 1349 - Founded by Sir Henry Rawlinson-Pirroni 1432 - Gave sanctuary to Reginlad Kipps, later to lead his army to victory over Dennis Haskins at the battle of Keggers Hill 1504 - Villager Gilbert Vagina invented the press up. He later died of arm cramp 1666 - The Great Fire of London 1704 - King Keith III was crowned in Pironi-Cum-Moze cathedral. The catherdral was only a mobile bouncy castle erected especially for the event, so no, the village is not a city 1899 - The Anglo-Dutch war finishes with stale mate. The amtter is deciede ovewr a game of Pocket Billiards held in Pirroni-Cum-Moze hair sallon. King Arther of Holland beats Lord Gutbags 3 frames to four, but is later disqualified after he stopped the game to sniff his fingers. Urgh. 1914 - Armistace Day. Hoorah! 1967 - The Beatles visited the village well to film a scene for their latest film "Tis a pity she's a whore" 1980 - Marco Pirroni leaves the town with the sound of weeping villagers ringing in his ears. He help to create a new way to count colours while also being in some band or other. Duran Duran I think it was. 1995 - Jurrassic Park is banned by villagers who have heard in contains swearing, blasphemy and hard core sex scenes. Little do they know that "Bonkbuster III: Keith does Dallas", a film they have just given a U certificate, is being visited by a Sunday school outing. The kids leave shocked, but the vicar stays. 1999 - The village bods for city status but is, politely told "F-Off" by judges in Calais.

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Last updated: 2008-10-14