The Knowhere Guide

Hookup Spots in Portadown, Armagh*

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Hookup Spots
  • Yer Ma!!
  • dan "elvis" bushes house where the dominatrix susan bush is willing to pull you off for reasonable price of 4.30 and a mars bar
  • We be chillin at the bann river and hoys meadow. That's where the fun is. And there are some swans there called, Chloe wall,Micky, Shane, wee duck and the rest are called Bob. We pet them with our hand and sometimes feet. Don't touch them they BITE! But its a fun place if you want to sit in the cold with 13 years old drunk people.
  • Under the Bridge
  • Orange halls, Plenty of twats to slap.
  • The people's park, A bottle of Buckie and the girls are all yours.
  • The people who wrote all the rest are ill rared individual who seem to have nothing better to do than to slate others & drink vile, cheap booze.
  • The River Bann used to be the place to stand about with a carry-out, least we could see when the cops were coming! Just wherever the party was. Rectory, Clounagh, The Batch, Edgarstown + Corcrain were a few wee hang out spots + the bridge at corcrain in July lol
  • The town centre in front of ST Marks, Mall entrance, Meadows
  • Craigavon Borough Council
  • In front of Saint Marks Church in the town center.
  • know where its a shite hole poradown
  • know where its a shite hole poradown
  • c812t
  • Oh there is the park..A fine spot..Sex flat out..Tahahaaa There is a herion house too.. fun.. meghan leer tahahaha
  • the tescos carpark on a sunday night with walker downing wine in the back,murray on the left an wee rich on the right flat out mind the fuzz tho they dont like wine.c*unts.anyway you drive a saxo 106 corsa then your wank,buy a real car.
  • down the bann or the batch, best place is in the medows and iceland carpark on a sun nit, it best always ful of lovely cars and people.
  • town centre is alright though i spent most of my time up at the college pissed up the wine screamin demons mackle shut up
  • We usually hang around the top of westland road,across from the shop and chinese take away.It`s a great spot to meet and pick up any 1 headin anywhere
  • we use to sit on these wee steps beside some oul dolls house...had some good craic there when we were about 15...then there was the park before the park crew was in full force
  • DOWN THA BANN wit a bottl of buckey 6 in jamesons, derer than a carryout (5 N LESS) BUT tastes nicer!! Or if ur tink ur a 'hard lad' try tha batch 4 sum slaggn and beatn on a cold winter nyte wer loner GEE drivs bot in his we black corsa chattn up we children. Wen band parade season is on pdown is packed wit prods that hav came outa tha woodwork, coz tha local fenians down tha G road are shittn a brick on coming in!lol
  • DOWN THA BANN wit a bottl of buckey 6 in jamesons, derer than a carryout (5 N LESS) BUT tastes nicer!! Or if ur tink ur a 'hard lad' try tha batch 4 sum slaggn and beatn on a cold winter nyte wer loner GEE drivs bot in his we black corsa chattn up we children. Wen band parade season is on pdown is packed wit prods that hav came outa tha woodwork, coz tha local fenians down tha G road are shittn a brick on coming in!lol
  • outside mcdonalds was the hang out spot for us, or goin for a dander round town to eye up any talent there might have been. we never managed to spot much talent on the ole streets of portadown
  • Down rectory at the power box r in corcrain! Good crack der plenty of gud lookin fellas! Girls are assholes part frm a few cos they think their hard with a bottle of wine sayin ace u bin slabberin! Needa get over themselves. eg alex gracey n lynsey marnow!! dey usually dwn da bann fenian lovin with paddy..
  • you have all forgot about the sacred fair green car park it has a perfect tarmac bank in varing angles and a sub block that me and my mate carefully constructed!
  • Head down to churchill if you fancy acting like a "hard man" getting drunk 2/47, being too lazy to get a job, and genrally like to deface public property, and also... your recommended to whipe your feet after walking out of there. lol
  • Every week We end up lying in a mates house because the area, Ballyoran is an absolute shithole.... Everyone there are fucking hoods and the drugs are shit... We have to go as far as belfast for decent stuff and the level of hash cons are unbelievable. The dealers completely rip people off by stretching their hash, chopping thier coke wi talc and thier e's are shite! I am outraged at the standard of dealing going on. it is also my belief that the drugs in the park are shit too... But i never go there its full of right twats and they dont know how to have fun without trying to kill someone... fucking cunts! If you want good drugs, you should try and contact Micky Magner or Barry Creany.... they have a good contact
  • fuck the public park and al;l the taigs. get down the bann or up the batch for a bit of crack(when your the right age 13-16)just get a bottle of wine and a few beer and you'll have a great night.
  • Tescos or fair green car park
  • Most of the places to heng out are just places where people get wrecked. theres a place down the railway tracks on the way out to Brackagh moss and another place down near the resovoir in posh Ballyhanon where the hardcore ravers go in groups of about 10. All they do is rave round a fire with a boombox and theyre all chewin their faces off. Its beyond me how none of them hasnt been squashed by a train or fallen down into the resovoir. So if anyone wants to go down some Friday night, just bring a bottle of wine and some German hardcore techno.
  • town centre(outside st marks)
  • portadown is better crack when ur pissed!!! all the skater ple r freaks ok??????????
  • Outside, Portadown is crap!
  • best hook up spot the old gilford road portadown sure to get a good rife down thier
  • Down trip-world
  • the pavillion frm a thur to sun! great craic! as long as you bring a blue bag u'll fit in
  • edenderry youth club packed with all the killicomaine nut cases....
  • after youve been sittin down da bottom pitch in da park with a CO head over to the "smell tunnel" to meet those whom it is forbidden to talk with. then ead over to lazer car park or up the back of the train station were no one can see you!! and no one will ever no that you ave went wif a member of the opposite your bound 2 get a ride!!
  • Portadown has become the new hang out spot for the youth for thier exams. With some college girls and some free computers what else do you need?
  • of course the best place to go in portadown is the electricity box(known throughout the town as the power box nightclub) located at the northway end of RECTORY PARK,situated within walking distance of local shops(always handy for a munchie attack) and local carryout for all your alcohol needs make sure to bring gloves hat and scarf to protect yourself from the elements but all in all it's a first class venue
  • portyup park is a hole. Dont go there
  • kkb
  • the tumble in the batch park were we mountan bike we dont no mure though we did wen we were 12 now just meating place but ime hammerd right now so its cool
  • me and a few mates found a sheet of wood and a few signs in behind the market where the billabong shop is and we turned it into a ramp it was pretty sweet.
  • IF u want a good time on a Saturday nite u can always go 2 rectory park and see Samantha Kelley (tamp! skinning little, wirey haired gypsey clothed bitch). At least 20 bottles of buckfast are recommended before u head up need to be prepared for a fight you could flatten her
  • If u live in portadown and ur a catholic there is no were to go because protestants have all da best places like meadows most of da mall all we have is the shit park ful of junkies and hoods i wish ppl wud start getin along more so we cud share des places why we fight ne way half of us dnt even go to mass or even no what da fuck r religion is about ne body agree??????
  • Da best place 2 be is out in the cornfields near Drumcree chapel when your absolutly pissed you can steal the corn but watch out for da farmer !!!!! does ne 1 else fink we should have a cinema here??????????
  • Da best place 2 be is out in the cornfields near Drumcree chapel when your absolutly pissed you can steal the corn but watch out for da farmer !!!!! does ne 1 else fink we should have a cinema here??????????
  • Outside McDonald's. Embarrassing, yes, but we all do it.
  • da spot to be is the play park 4 a draper 6 reindeer and a bottle of poppers
  • the dark corner near the pleasure gardens otherwise known as the ban rats haunt is the spot to go for the local town bicycles ie the hump em and dump em trailor trash of portadown tech.
  • there is a bus stop on the g road for anyone wishing to get whopped, good company and craic from the likes of bubbles and weehead
  • oh yeh...loadsa places 2 hang out....erm.....tescos...have u EVER noticed that everytime u go into that place u meet sum1 u kno! weird! yeh apart from the...the park at the pleasure gardens....oh the good old days!
  • bottom bench in the park- ideal location for alcohol and soft drug abuse
  • Me and another fella where in Portadown at Portadown College the other day skating. It a good spot with some good lines. Also the we meet four other skater, although one was on a BMX, they were pretty cool guys.
  • ah well theres tonnes o places if ya know were to look an know the right ppl.theres the bann (i dont go down there)tipplers if ur neer broke and wanna laugh and get pissed, killicomaine gets a few round abercorn park or the bonfire obviously seasonal theres the car park outside super value or tescos or theres the batch in the park or on the pitch take ure pick!4 da skater dudes ders da college or da town centre i c uz about der alot.dats also a good place for good crack!outside shamrock park ...the challet!but thats only good if ya know ppl and ur with a big crowd...der is no good "clubs" ther but there are a selct few pubs...pity the towns very sectarian in july... i got a good few mates from the other side of the barb wire.the mall in the weekend and evenings is v busy u'll find some1 u know there.thers this wee ice cream shop neer dunnes i suggest u try the ice booms there fuckin lovely.the lady that doz em is nice.the bad thing about this place is if u say the wrong thing to the wrong person ure in trouble but that rarely ever happens
  • anywere along the g road
  • Portadown is crap if your into skateing then your best bet 2 find other skaters on saturdays is probably portadown college theyv tried 2 stop us from skateing by changing the ledges but they are better then the last ledges theres also the flatbank behind magowan buildings and the centre is used aswell u can also chill at kaos 4 a while if its not 2 busy, birdie wont mind even if he pretends not 2 hobsons has shut so u cant hang there theres plenty of ledges and rails if u can haul ureself up onto them
  • mccaffrey's cane with a quarter and a bottle of wine playing darts and mariokart. Good craic.
  • The skylark(park) offers tranquil and idyllic settings for those under the influence of 'leather lips'.
  • In my not so humble opinion, the best place to chill at the weekend in Portadown is on the train on the way to Belfast. No matter where you live or what you believe, the general hang-outs around the town have an intrinsic sectarian underbelly. I'll finish in the immortal words of Tupac Shakur; 'That's just the way it is'
  • "killicomaine shops" a wall outside some poor elderly person's house where the local "hards" of said estate hang out of an evening with their thriving family of 6 kids under 4 years old, to intimidate any decent person who might be a stranger to this little community,and wants to shop in "The Shop" (a VG that sells out of date produce and employs anyone with a very low IQ) A definate hook up spot for the extremely hard up!!
  • anywere were the provies,stickies or park crew are not likely to be
  • Plenty of 13/14 year old wankers hanging around the Meadows and McDonalds every Friday/Saturday night 'cos they're not old enough to go to any of the nightclubs in Banbridge, feck off you twats!
  • portadown public park- buckfast,narcotics and agressive behaviour and ur more than welcome here(providing ur not a clock)
  • The stump at the bottm of the park is a good place to go and get leatherlipped with Ricketty and McVeigh and Friel if he bothers his ass comin' in!
  • THE BATCH known to all the Killicomaine mingers and all the college lads who spend many a cold winter night up there with their wine.
  • nowhere for the skaters enway
  • Forget about going out in Portadown if you're over 21, better go into Belfast, stay over and go somewhere DECENT. If you go to Bennetts more than 3 or 4 times you'll be bored of the same old saddos every week. And the local cover bands are limited to Dire Straits and Van Morrison cover versions. Get a life! Get a train to Belfast instead! Hook up with your mates on the way to a gig.
  • There are none.This is Portadown! (the home for losers)
  • A good place to meet up with all thoese friends is Corcrain Bridge! All go up there to go for a good old clauding with the opposite religion! So if you want to meet someone, and get them down the backs, CORCRAIN BRIDGE is the place to be. Please note, this is a seasonal venue.
  • portadown is as dead as the people in it
  • where else would the worthless lowlifes of porty up hang out but the Park once the pavillion windows are kicked in it provides a warm haven for underage alchol and solvent abuse
  • well, there is always the bann river if you fancy geting so drunk you think you'll go for a midnight swim...
  • Once a year - the annual stone throwing contest - aka DRUMCREE!!! Roughly a million "residents" of the Gravaghy Road, and another million "loyal Orange men" spring up out of the woodwork, to join together in the festival which has ensured that everyone, no matter where they live - has heard of PORTADOWN. - IF you really want to meet the people of Portadown (you need your head read) you'll find them all there. - oh yeah, and if you are lucky, you'll even see a big fat decrepid dinosaur (ie Ian Paisley) at Jurrasic Park (Drumcree Church).. -Oh and a final point - take a look at the size of that church - how do all these "religious" orange men (who attend there, without fail ONCE A YEAR!) fit in there anyway???????
  • down the bann with my bottle of wine to meet the lads
  • Saturday when you where 14 to 16 consisted of arguing over who went into the carryout last week and who,s turn it was this week then six beers or a bottle of the finest wine from the "Challie" tking the carryout as quick as your wee legs could carryyou,so no one's mum seen ye with it. to sandpits or the power box in rectory, drinking it with mild frost bite in winter and the sound of the stock cars roaring in the winter. Seeing what girls were looking mildly attractive but as the beer went down so did the standards. Then it was down to the bann pissed as a fart, singing and shouting all the way. Once their it was pull any minger you could. Good times, never forget it
  • A must to visit in portadown if you ever intend to go there, is to go along to the carry out near shamrock park and buy 3 bottles of buckfast, then procede to RECTORY PARK were there is a field called the sandpits and you will be guaranteed to meet others with the same drink, all out to have a frightfully good time this is one of rectory parks oldest traditions, as i myself was brought up there,TOTALLY RECOMENDED
  • Portadown Town Center its where all the skaters and hippies hang out to chill and skate and also durning the summer at Portadown College on the Killicomain Road close to portadown town center there is loads of us skateing and chilling out.
  • We used to bunk off going to Sunday Mass and go and sit in the old St.John's Graveyard. You'd regularly find us sitting on one of the flat table-like head stones up the side of the old church,(which was taken down brick-by-brick and rebuilt in Cultra, chopping on Tayto Cheese&Onion crisps and telling fanciful stories about ghosts and devil worshipers!! Much time was spent in those days walking between Brankin's Hill and 'up the town' to go to 'the pool' on a Saturday afternoon.
  • ocasionally I think back on the times that were had on the hill other wise known as (THE BENCH) Located Midway along the Garvaghy Road, it seemed for years that most party loving peaple of the area hung out here Having a laugh and a joke. If you got bored with the Town you coud be sure to get a laugh their and maybe find out were the next mad party was!!If you were young and enjoyed the crack most locals would no you hung out their and I bet e few still do. A big Rarh joo the benchers were ever you are!
  • The Bann River. If you're 13-16 and don't mind 'hard' girls continually asking you if you've been 'slabbering' about their mates and threatening to throw you in the river. Just tell you're mum you're going to C.E. to praise God and you can have a (relatively) trouble-free night. If you like that sort of thing. By the way, Buckfast/Diamond White are essential to you becoming part of the 'crowd'.
  • There are many places to hang around Portadown, although during the night they aren't particularly recommended because they can be quite rough however, at weekends try the carpark outside Tescos on Meadow lane, worth a look and I've never known there to be any trouble there.
  • down the bann!!!, this is basically a brigde where most people have been to drink carry outs, meet partners and generall have a good laugh
  • Criagwell ave

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Last updated: 2013-01-29

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