The Knowhere Guide

The Worst Things in St Albans, Hertfordshire*

The entirely missable and worth mentioning because of it

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The Worst Things
  • St. ALBANS
  • The thriving thug life around chav hill (near sainsbury's)
  • parking at the train station
  • Youth Service
  • chavs, chavs which pick fights randomly and they walk round in huge groups and are extremely loud so please avoid their short tempered, lying mouthed, short hair, cocky young hooligans
  • The council's attempting to stuff a 12-storey cinema megaplex down our throats despite the fact WE DON'T WANT IT, WE DON'T NEED IT and IT WOULD TOTALLY RUIN THE LOOK OF THE TOWN. They have the nerve to object to uPVC double-glazing for individual historic houses, but when it comes to ruining the look of a previously nice town...
  • Pompus people who have grown up in st.alb yet continue to slate it in immense detail - u know who u are, oh dear
  • The worst thing in St albans, BLOODY MCDONALDS HAS SHUT NO MORE COTCH!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • PUBS AND NOWT ELSE TO BLEEDIN DO!
  • Hang Overs
  • The gang wars lol.. Nah thats a slight exaggeration.. Just the chavs making some places off limits for "individuals" cos they're blatantly just gna beat people up. or they just stop it being worth going there.
  • School uniforms and most of the girls!!!
  • to near Shatfield and Welyn Garden Shity
  • Do they still have that parking permit scheme? That was a really bad idea.
  • Proximity to Watford and Luton.
  • a few years back the mental home closed down forcing all of them out into st.albans...think what you may...
  • white boys hu try 2 be black grrrrrrr ( u find them in Mc Donalds ) and 2003 - 2004's yr 11 pupils at loreto
  • white boys hu try 2 be black grrrrrrr ( u find them in Mc Donalds ) and 2003 - 2004's yr 11 pupils at loreto
  • white boys hu try 2 be black grrrrrrr ( u find them in Mc Donalds ) and 2003 - 2004's yr 11 pupils at loreto
  • Only a perfectly-cut diamonds throw away from the ever-increasingly posh town of Harpenden. A place congested with porshes, bmw's and mercedes and the spoilt children of adults who probably spend more money on therapy and useless treatments than the whole of the rest of the country. Non-residents need only apply for citizenship if they are earning a six-figure salary and have an inferiority complex...the real world may not enter this place of santuary to the terminally snobbish.
  • However, there are plenty better places to grow up where people are not so narrow minded about anything that isn't considered appropriate for the white, conservative middle classes.
  • Townies jackin you when you try and pick up and pikeys wantin fights but I love to fight back
  • Bon Marche
  • Townies. Duh!
  • I once met a man who ate crisps for a living I saw he was fat yet he had no misgiving He smelt of the flavours or Wotsits and quavers And nobody will give him a shilling
  • Beamont, Buses, new greens, hot and tasty crew, under age drinkers in anywhere that isnt the horn, BHS, all the shitty new shops in town, bon march?? bon march?? get real!
  • The Bee Hive
  • Darn expensive. No jobs.
  • The St.Albans 'Lad' is a tosser. Generally arrogant and ignorant with no ambition apart from becoming a labourer and buying clothes in First Sport. Spends his week looking forward to Friday night so he can spend it in The Vintry swigging strong lager, playing 'The Fruity' and speaking with strange psuedo east end accents.
  • People who think they can get away with saying they are actually from london to impress the ladies when infact they live with mummy and daddy in a nice little detached number along Marshalls Drive... ( you know who you are!)
  • I'm not there often enough.
  • hairy toes, shit train journies, having to get hairs out of the plug hole
  • UMMM......ST.ALBANS IS THE WORST FUCKING TOWN ON THE PLANET?!IT'S FULL OF OLD GRANNIES AND THERE'S NO DECENT VENUES OR ANYTHING: THE PIONEER>!?!?!THERE ARE NO BANDS APART FROM A FEW 15YR OLDS. WHO PLAY SHIT?! I HATE LIVING HERE!!!!!!!!THE TRENDIES GO TO MACDONALDS, THE GREEBOS GO TO OTHER PLACES. IM NEITHER AND I THINK ITS SHIT. EVEN WATFORDS CRAP UNLESS UR A TOWNIE. WHEN IS ST.ALBANS GOING TO BECOME A MODERN 21ST CENTURY TOWN?
  • Where does one begin! The men, get it into your heads living in st albans does not mean that you qualify as being one of the sexiest funniest men ever, women the same, you are not hot just because you are from st albans! living in st albans does not make you superior, as to those who live there because you grew up there, GET A LIFE, get out of st albans spend time somewhere else and you will see what a dump it really is! Community my foot, it is full of snobs, boring ones at that who think they are superior to everyone else! GET OVER YOURSELVES NO ONE WANTS TO BE YOU!!!
  • The little people who live in the gutters. They're everywhere!!! damn greebo's.
  • They demolished the Bus Garage!
  • I agree all the ugly people esp. one with the initals JL. If you know her (sometime seen at a certain tattoo shop). Watch out the black haired witch will steal from you, lie to you and then cry victim.
  • market day it gets way too busy.
  • the amount of townies there..... its like an infestion
  • Poo it smells
  • Im not there anymore!
  • The mean barmaid at the Bee Hive who throw me out twice for being seventeen, when it's a damn lie and actually I'm twenty! Crazy Damn Fool!
  • Scout, Townie, Vintry.
  • Hemel Hempstead is all too close
  • other men
  • the roman remains are wank. houses here are way too pricey for what you get. traffic is really bad - try driving to the m25 in the morning. Tescos - jesus, don't even get me started. Not only do they never, NEVER, have anything in there, but you have to wait in a queue of OAPs and freakish radiation-experiment-gone-wrong individuals to ascertain the fact. Oh, and while I'm at it, what is it with Woolworths?
  • too many would-be-rock-hard people, greebos and other people, too many dodgy people, too polluted, too much litter.
  • The load of old shoes that litters St. Peters STreet after a Friday Night out.
  • Nothing to do for 16 year olds, so they clog the pubs up.
  • No-one in St. Albans has a womb. There will be no children for our family.
  • trendiness
  • Watfords cool so dont diss. At least it isnt full of snobs like "SOME" places
  • Townies. And hippies.
  • We are far too close to Hatfield. And Harpenden. Both of these towns suck but for completely different reasons.
  • There are 4 things that particular vex me about St. Albans: 1) The St. Albans Lad A young man between the age of 17 and 25 (usually lives at home with parents). Tries to talk in a cockney accent and fails miserably. Have egos and heads of equal and massive dimensions. Usually found in either the Vintry or Peahen pubs, on Friday and Saturday nights, wearing black leather shoes with huge silvery buckles, black jeans and a plain brightly coloured shirt sporting some designer label (usually untucked). A large group of "St. Albans Lads", can be termed the "Opal Fruit Gang" when wearing "those" lurid shirts. Head usually shaved (just like David Beckham, eeeek he's my hero!), obsessed with owning a sporty hatchback, such as a Peugot 206. To any "St. Albans Lads" reading, shouting, swearing and peeing in peoples' front gardens is not a requirement when walking home from the pub. Favourite game - my todger is bigger than yours. 2) The St. Albans Girl Like the St. Albans Lad, but instead models herself on Victoria Beckham. Generally have far worse attitudes than "The St. Albans Lad", have an obsession with noisy platform shoes that are obscenely difficult to walk in (listen for the tell tale "clomp" "clomp", just like a pantomine horse), and tiny rucksacks that are useful holding an "entire" mars bar... wow! Have a non-existent sense of humour and very little cognitive ability. Have all the style, intelligence, verbal ability and commons sense of Waynetta Slob. Have very little comprehension of the world outside "The Vintry", let alone St. Albans or the county border. Often dream about having boyfriend who owns sporty hatchback annd and looks like David Beckham, or owning a rip off Japanese four wheel drive ATV. Favourite game - moaning about boyfriend to her mates when he ignores her in the pub, (boyfriend often pays the fruit machine more attention) constantly threatens to leave him, and then doesn't. 3) People who pretend to be homeless You know who you are, stop hanging around the bustops next to the betting shop and the general vicinity of the Civic Centre, you are not homeless, you all live in the hostal on Bricket Road, so stop bothering me for money. 4) General Air of Snobbery Have lived here for 16 years now, and I am generally quite amazed by the "cliqueness" and petty behaviour. To Those living in 3 bedroom semi-datched houses, you are not lord and lady muck of the manor, under 13s playing football and other games in the street will not damage your prescious four wheel drive ATV (probably never been on dirt track, let alone allowed to get dirty), there are games other than "I'm better than you are". The word "genuine" can be applied to people as well as antiques. The only reason you live in St. Albans is because you can't afford Hampstead.
  • The lack of cinema
  • Everyone being ugly No good shops Everyone is a twat
  • The Whipping. The way I get beaten with a massive licorice whip the size of a strong man's arm every time the residents chastise me because of my lazy eye. I can see where Thom Yorke gets his emotional torment from. God Dammit.
  • traffic!
  • Bankers in Porsches
  • St Albans is a town full of its own self-importance. It is a very unfriendly place to live. The council are terrible to deal with, especially planning dept and council tax. The only reason for staying here is that the schools happen to be very good.
  • The number of drunk kid you see crumpled in the road on a friday. i can use these to pave my drive, suckers!!
  • Town centre mega-pubs The Maltings (esp. since they kicked out all the interesting little shops to make way for TK Maxx). The Council have some degenerative neurological disease which is causing them to destroy the place. No one interesting can afford to live here.
  • Young ladies
  • Old people pubs
  • Bearded boyz/ guppies/ pikes/ dirty sewer ducks
  • tourists dont taste to good
  • Luton people trying to bring down the tone when they are shipped to St.Albans every Weekend
  • TRENDIES they wear far to expensive shirts and other trendy clothing
  • ...and Hatfield, and Hemel, and Watford.
  • a known, joked about, snobery. - ohh so you come from St albans do you? hawdy haw. --> people i meet in London hate me before they know me if i say i come from S.A
  • Not enough clubs. Too close to Luton.
  • History - I've lived here for 38 years but I still go out regularly (single :-( ) Places have changed: the person who said the Crystal Palace was one of the best pubs must be older than me!! It was a bikers / greasers pub. (I never went there but it is legendary). The recently re-opened Mermaid is nice (quiet) but with a nice selection of beers/barmaids. I liked the comment about the Cock smelling of old people (in the sixties it had a folk club and Donovan played there). The Blacksmiths used to be very rough but all the musicians used to drink there before gigs at the city hall (now the Arena ). I remember sitting next to the Clash in 1977!!
    The city hall played host to the likes of T. Rex, Thin Lizzy, Hawkwind, Motorhead, Rory Gallagher - most of the popular bands around the 70s - mid 80s. The Arena is a different story - very sad.
    The Comic Kutz comedy evenings have stopped due to lack of interest, occasional good events. Last night I saw an excellent blues band at the Maltings Art Centre, next to the new library. The Firkin was the original library building - try their house brewed beer,it's really good. The Farriars Arms was the birthplace of CAMRA, the campaign for real ale, it's quiet nowadays (it didn't used to be) the landlord, Jim, is a nice bloke.
  • St Albans is also twinned with Nevers in France and with Worms in Germany.
  • There are several museums in the city. The Roman museum is the best with some cool exhibits of dead Romans etc. The organ museum is also good if you're into organs(?).
  • St. Albans is smaller than the town of Watford, but has a Crown Court (Watford doesn't). The Roman town of Veralanium was an important adiministrative town for the Romans, the ruins of which are located mostly under the city park, with the Hypocaust - a method of under floor heating - and the theatre open to the public. Alban (a Roman) became the first English Christian Martyr; it is said that the Cathedral is built at the site of his crusifiction. the Cathedral tower is built of Roman Bricks which were made near/in the area of Radlett, a nearby village.
  • After reading the Knowhere guide to St.Albans, I felt compelled to just say what I think about the town from a 16 year olds point of view. I would say that there many good and equally many bad points to the town. The good points are that it is a really good town to get drunk in. If you don't get served in one pub then you go to the next. By that aspect it is a good town. On the other hand, it is crap for clubs and general hang outs and venues. There are hardly any clubs in the town. The only good one is Kiss which I may also add is re-opening this spring after it burnt down. Apart from this, the clubbing aspect of the town is poor. It is also true that there are too many over sad raver types around. Places to go: 1) Phil's snooker club 2) Firkin pub because that's where the coolest people go 3) MacDonalds at 11pm (Fridays and Saturdays) There is always a good fight here at this time Places not to go. 1) Owls house (George Street) It is a small gay bar. 2) Blue Anchor, because it is a gay pub (just to warn some heterosexual types).

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All the information in the Knowhere Guide has been contributed by users over the years. No one person is responsible for it all and not all contributors will agree with all the opinions included.

Parts of this information have been supplied by: krissy, cristov, Jackie Emm, guy, phil, neil, donna, Jackie Hunt, Tony Quance, Psion, Phil Sumner, Grace Norman, Carlos Mockie, jon, Jake Pog, Alan Kilcoyne, Coxy, alex, Temujin, MAX CAVALERA! SOULFLY!, Kozue, Blow iN MY aSS!, geetarspaz, Nick Fisher, M, Jimney Cricket, Molly Bloom, Simon Philips, Simon, robbie, Mike Rotch, rachel, kitty james, Zyggy, Cath, Mike Rolph, Buddha, Michael Robins, Sk8burger, Dave Powell, The Prophet, Caity Roe, IanChorley, Emily Cridland, David Johnson, Bob Marley, Tom Conyway, john glanville, Honking russian love, Wayne Campbell, Sammy Shep a.k.a Fatboy, Kato Pong, Joe Hames, Eddie Montrose, Robbie Ennis, Cum Fiend, Kenny, Music Tree, Tim, HeeHeeSandyMonkeyHeeHee, Andy the Glass Collector, olivia, Jason Tatton,Montose Avenue,Jason Tatton, Dominic Haynes, Robbie Boi, Dr Ennis, Dr Ennis, drennis, Jeldo Mansion, omybinliner, Christie, peter_p, Eddie, Kelvin Wheeler, RB, JC, Candy Moy-Moy-Moy, Libby Chattergy, Ernie, Bob Houlston, Bo, Rachel B, P.H, Drunk Phil, Anthony Mildred, Paul Ray, Nimrod's Son, Alex Poofy Head, moody, trevormcilveen, Ia'kat, Rob's Woman, jamie, Clive, Drunk Pete, Sexy chick, Sandy Castill, David, Blaise Mille, Tom Barnett, christopher jacob david david david, JAcky, Pyro-Dude, Scoob, Fionn Napier, Jackie Cum Fetish, Tim Brown, Grace Normab, Colin Ballard, Jane, Dr Ennis, R Clark - Reynolds, catriona Irving, I_aM_nObOdY, Miguel Hatstrobe, Teddie Rush, c brockbanks, Steve Will Jack Off Pepper, ian, Andy Sands, stewart, emily rhodes, Karl Beckebaur, Dean, john, Marie Page, German Boy, Jack, WormBIGWorms, generic, Adam chady, resident, James Seals, Burak Sezgin, Kim Deal, Edddie, Joe Debutante, Gill , jackp, Joanna, Dave Atkins, Richard the Mouse Heart, Simon B, Neil Jinkerson, Charchi, Kelly Jones, Rob, andy pandy, Eros, god of Sex. (not reeeeeley), Nick Lewis, Mapki, DJH, David McNickle, mrs mangel, Alex T, Mandy Stroyer, Kylie Steyning, I have Glue Ear, Mai Le Warren, paxton, Nick who lives in Rowlatt Drive, james Cowen, Joe, James Gardner, Osh, Kirsty, Eddie Breen, Tim Brip, P.I., nannix, Biker Spice, Andy Bob, Eddie Locus, AJ, Edd Maltby, Jackie, B.A. Miah, Jason Tatton, Minority Vagueness, Dirk Diggler, Sarah Clarke, Bobble, Tracy Pym, Colin Hagger, jimkatim, Chucky Anal, Simon Matheson, Tom Withnail of Three Corby Close, sam,, Owen Cash, Davey Crockett, Plume and Kite from The Recruiting Offic, Andy Ayre, Ginger Skatey Tom, disco, Antony, Warren Wong, Gen, jess, jarge, Matt Oaks, luke and buster, Jamie Marshall, pierre, Sam, Rie, da Messiah, Dr Gonzo, david lim, Shane Shanahan, JAck Man, David Essex, Sarah Evans, Jess Lurve, Robert Sprigge, tom, Caroline Duncan, penisdickface, Lauren, Simon La Cum-Fountain, kerry homer, steve neal, Miko a-la Bong-Hit, Andy, Lusty Bob, Steve Howard, alec, Pepper Paul, Timmy T, EJ, christopher parkinson - 18 churchill Rd, Ian Chorley, squeaky, diskkeeper, Oliver Hilton, BY DESIGN, claire, emma cooke, Andrew H, GAZ, mike hill, Jason Yung, Lucie Follett, Rudolf Ucker, Mykee 80s Goth, Matt Kent, Ally, Altavista Bob, George Harrison, steve, Greb Ennis, Lindsay Seagrim-Trinder, Tim Warren, James Fisher, grace, andrew whawell, Bob, Heather, chris.p, Aimee Woods, Kelly Mill, Michel Whiskey, Fred da Junglist, realhorrorshow, ss, Ruth L, mke D, Red Lettuce, Danny Choad, izzy hurley, Queen of Broken Shoe, Waitrose Krew, Jessica Ives, Doctor Lucid, Nicole Kidman, Lukin De La O, Taf, Keegan Alexander, Jason Tatton (again), David Follett, Nat, Sarah, will sealy, Adam, Jacob Kesner, ivan, mind your own biz, Fay Stodart, nate, Stuart, rav, Richard Emms

Last updated: 2016-11-18

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