The Worst Things in Stonehaven, Aberdeenshire*

The entirely missable and worth mentioning because of it

You can tell us more about Stonehaven.

• Stoney is full of hard men like klessik and the rest of his merry mates who cant fight on their own and beat up big bruisers like ewen kennedy due to his fearsome fighting skills!! way to go klessik i'm sure your inferiority complex led you to prove your boxing skills against such a difficult opponent. next time pick a fight make sure it's with someone who will actually rattle ur coupon like you deserve!! oops i forgot ur a ponce who can only fight when the numbers are right and shites himself when he's out of stoney....
• Someone set my car on fire last night, I was quite surprised and disappointed. Has Stonehaven really gone that downhill?
• 'Stoney Gossip!' people repeat what ever they hear as gossple and it annoys me! they just like talking about other people to make them selfs feel good!
• Off shore worker that lives beside kwik fit,notice all his neighbours are slowly moving away one by one...hmmm wonder why?...they oviously dont want to live beside a junkie fuck whos mum thinks the sun shines out his arse,if only she knew what her son was really like...no wonder the fat fuck lost heaps of weight since leaving school,shagging all them diseased fat birds.
• Off shore worker that lives beside kwik fit,notice all his neighbours are slowly moving away one by one...hmmm wonder why?...they oviously dont want to live beside a junkie fuck whos mum thinks the sun shines out his arse,if only she knew what her son was really like...no wonder the fat fuck lost heaps of weight since leaving school,shagging all them diseased fat birds.
• Sandys Chipper, The fucking Poles have no idea how to cook chippers. PUKE
• That voice Andrew Connor uses is he fucking Irish, Dundonian, Aberdonian, Glaswegian or just a fat stinky mess?
• jake and his child bashing crew
• Fraser Mearns a man who has an aberdeen tattoo yet supports rangers and sings sectarian songs at anyone arguebly the greatest mistake god ever made
• That Midget behind the bar in the Belve. He thinks he's da boy but he's a big div and can't even get into the Mill Inn team
• The shit on the phonebox beside Ramsay Road.
• Getting Blacky'd
• john the jew
• Dyls shitty bags
• The lack of community and awareness about local events. Also why is Here & Now closing down? It would be beneficial to make it into a youth cafe of some sort to get kids of the streets on Friday nights.
• no decent shops
• People like crowley who like little boys !!!!
• Waking up next to a headless corpse wondering what happened
• Birds not letting you ride them bareback
• Stoney is a beautiful town. But I'm glad I only come back "home" for holidays. I would go mental if I had to live in this town full of neds, hill-billies and hicks that are so backwards and inbred, their family tree is a stump. The best people from Stoney have already left and will never come back!
• PLEASE PLEASE DONT BUY ANYTHING FROM THE ELECTRICAL SHOP ON THE MAIN STREET, WELL DO IF YOU WANT YOUR HEAD BITTEN OFF BY THE OWNER IF ANYTHING GOES WRONG.
• SHAUN PETRIE (LESLIES) IS A TWAT WHO LIKES SQUARING UP TO WEE BOYS
• Saying Leesy had a gang when it was Firm!!
• see above also, the hooded brigade of retarded bams who like nothing more than show off their backward (mongoloid) illiterate mindset at the weekends when they should be staying at home completing their potty training. piece of shit motherfuckers the lot of them! the only downside to this website is that the aforementioned retards do not have the ability to read the comments. thick fucks.
• mackie academy
• Catching something
• Lazio pizzas!! Tiny rubbery pizzas and kebabs with hard boney chunks in it.
• Catching an STD
• Mutchy, yeah, you kev, you dirty oily boy.. you scrawny little ned.
• Mutchie
• Kevin Mutch, his dad and their fat dog.
• DAVID MUIR - This man thinks he is the king. His ring of friends now consists of the odd 'older' brickfield tink however, he now regularly circulates with 2nd/3rd year boys (even though he is 20 himself)... David really did (and still does) think he was the king, a hard man,, a guy the girls love, a cool mate to have..... however, as seen in recent years, nobody actually likes him, we wouldn't really care if he died, and he has consistantly proved a complete 'nuno capucho' of the community with absolutely no real point of human existance. Well done David, and you are a top seed in the 'Mutchy and the cancer' group (group consists of Kevin himself and anyone he associates with).
• ALISTAIR MUTCH (Still in Business!) - Rumoured to actually only be 40-55yrs old, this man recently was awarded the "I'm actaully 30 years younger than I look" award from the Stonehaven Council's board of staff. When asked 'how do you get those wrinkles so deep?', 29 year old 'Mutchy' replied - "Ye kin this pal, right. Me and ma boy Kev spend oor times tackin E's and dealin the speed to wee bairns. Noo, after a hard days deelin', i let ma boy Kev roll his smokes on ma foreheed for a stable surface, thits whar all the cracks came from.. Sometimes a can find wee noughties o' pot under ma eyes. I'll usually crumble those intae a wee pot for supper.'... Mr Mutch has been rumoured to be a pupil at Aberdeen College, studying IT, when asked 'why.. lmfao....?!', Skinny-Shit-Ass stated 'Ye kin, am needin tae put ma sales o' amphetamines and speed intae too columns for ma profit calculations, and i didny kin hoo to use MS Excel.. I still dinny kin, but im a tough shit, so dinna mess wi' me'." It's rumoured that Alistair Mutch actually bought his son Kevin from Moldova, and by claiming that he is his son, Old'Shitsack earns more benefits. We hope this man passes away soon.
• Kevin Mutch Alistair Mutch Sam Mutch (the fat fucking dog, hope it catches fire on daddy mutch's heroin burnings)
• kevin mutch
• the shallow minded folk of stoney that have nothing better to do than gossip!!!
• The town centre, the bad people and the shops.
• Liam the gay paki
• KEVIN MUTCH (MUTCHIE)
• coming back to stonehaven
• Divas and Nicky Piccard(mink)
• most of the people who live in stoney are not even native and make all real stoney folk feel like outsiders
• the worst thing is all the fun drugs that did little harm have been replaced with smack and prob the biggest amount of skag heads per population anywhere in britian, glad i got out of that smack ridden dog shit city!
• the weather when it is sunny in the summer enerywhere else you can bet on fog here
• the stupid fucking locals, inbred and retarded, they ruin an otherwise nice town.
• staying. freaks from bervie, catterline and gourdon
• The wosrt thing by far must be romanys! Its a good night out if you want every wanker and their brother to sleeze on your girlfriend!
• housing developments with their overpriced crap kit houses
• NEDS ( 3rd years at Mackie academy)
• The minority of (what shall we call them) tims(just to be polite) that swarm around infesting our town with diseases as well as polluting our environment!
• Stoney Mafia! AHAHAHAHA! Tossers The sh1tty smell of Andrew Conner
• troupers
• The whole town!
• A piss poor Police Force, who have nothing better to do with themselves than ban bairns from wearing balaclavas.
• BLOODY NEDS THERES TOO MANY OF THEM ALL THINKING THEYRE HARD GOING ABOUT WITH THEIR RANGERS LOYALTY SHITE. FUCKING PRICKS THEY ARE. ESPECIALLY OE WITH A MOHICAN AND ALL HIS MATES
• dunnotar primary, i never went there but it looks like a prison and its right next to the court/police station, says it all really, i knwo people who went there and they actually enjoyed it (freaks), just look where they are now though: the star. NOT EVEN THE QUEENS - huge disappointment.
• The boy racers and their tarty cling ons. You know who you are!!
• People like Martin Lees who think they can go about beating the shit out of people for no apparant reason ALSO the police who never seem to notice Leesy and his 'gang' but instead harrass people walking home! GET A GRIP!
• THe beach,it's a well known fact to the residents that sewage is pumped out a few 100 yards from the main beach,gross!
• THE WHITE CORSA THAT GOES UP AND DOWN WITH THE 2 BRUNETTE GEEKS IN IT (I AM A FEMALE ABERDONIAN AND I GOT FOLLOWED AROUND BY THEM ONE AFTERNOON, MY CAR IS A BALCK MODIFIED CLIO AT FIRST I THOT THEY WERE INTERESTED IN THE CAR THEN REALISED IT WAS ME )
• well, there are a LOT. Mackie, the secondary (shit) school, no decent shops or food places
• Mineral Well,and not remembering it! To wet and cold at night,the grass gets cut so often and the little bits get EVERYWHERE.Oh and the beach,cmon,it sucks. wathcin other people spewin and tryin to hold thier hair back,mmmm!Also known for a lot of 'fondling' shall we say,the sand also gets EVERYWHERE!!
• Wankers like Stephen Klessik who always walks around singing Secterian songs even though he doesn't know what the lyrics are about, and only sings them because he heard Robbie Hamilton singing them first.
• Anytime Stephen Harper is Djing cause he plays music that everyone hates and he always has an selection of 10 year olds at his side, as he brags about his spot in the Music Industry even though he is a dirty old man trapped in a 19 year old's body.
• the council
• Men too old or men too young, never the right age. No Mcdonalds restaurant and the pub prices!! Well.....
• All the the local bams,and the young sluts that hang about the square.
• weegies who complain about the place,could you all fuck off back to glasgow and take your bigotary with you :0)
• All those lovely people that come up from glasgow (shite place,full of dicks) that think they own the place and all the oil rich scum ;0>
• NEDS NEDS and more NEDS
• The sign that says 'Welcome to Stonehaven'
• the right hander at the backies,many a sewerage related infection
• all the knobs who think weekends are just about fighting and intimidating people.
• singing postie
• small minded people
• No burds. There are too many cheeky young rods who think they're ace.
• Kebabs
• AC Mill In the team that has more fall outs than a couple of kids fighting over a dummy. Their bound to have a great |Christmas night out but they will all need mobile phones to keeep in touch with the several groups seeing as their allegiences are so split right now, sort it out boys or you may just end up where you belong Divison 3
• NEDS. LOTS OF THEM. You cannot get away from them. And people called Titch.
• The police- do some proper work for gods sake. Arrest people that are doing a crime, not someone having a laugh or walking home.
• Almost everybody knowing you and your business
• entering
• NEDS
• Some (but not nearly all) teenagers who think there's nothing better to do than hang about street corners drinking down alleys and abusing or obstructing their elders. Now **they** are the really sad people around here! Get a life you kids. It's a great place to be.
• gETTING STARTED ON BY JAKE OR DAVID MAY. ASO THE TWO-FACED GOSSIPING THAT GOES ON ALL THE TIME.
• The vennel nightclub All the people looking for a fight at weekends
• Ugly new developments everywhere! STILL no decent shops!
• The steady growth of the town as a commuter suberb of Aberdeen. The conjestion and shortage of community facilities this brings.
• The worst thing is the large amount of young "neds" with nothing better to do than start fights (though that may be to some peoples taste!)

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Last updated: 2012-01-26