The Knowhere Guide

The Worst Things in Tunbridge Wells, Kent*

The entirely missable and worth mentioning because of it

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The Worst Things
  • Like the rest of Curling Turd Island UK, mind numbing female public proper-gander that's only about 'Itself' and has absolutely fuck-all zero awareness/social conscience, nevermind reading into chavs/barbies/kens/satanic estate agents/geeks/freaks etc etc!!
  • Soon as you leave the main station, there's this large hub of a hill that's filled not only to the brim with pointless coffee shops but also filled to the brim with useless cunt!
  • traffic
  • People who can only say bad things about the Sherwood estate. They seem to be speaking mainly from prejudice and hearsay. I've lived on this estate for just over a year. I've found better and kinder neighbours here than anywhere else.
  • Just wrote this for the BBC World Service . . . . In the Blues style . . . . Oh, Tunbridge Wells is a f**kin' Shithole, fulla middle-class, moneyed, chavs, Oh yeah, Tunbridge Wells is a Shithole, fulla drunken, drugged-up, scallywags, All the guys think they're really . . . . An' the girls are all just slags. Oh, Tunbridge Wells is a f**kin' Shithole, and the Council's Bent as it can be, Oh yeah, Tunbridge Wells is a Shithole, and it's home to the BBC All the shops have started closing . . . . There's no work for you an' me. Oh, Tunbridge Wells is a f**kin' Shithole, there's no social life here at all, Oh yeah, Tunbridge Wells is a Shithole, full of pubs and a shopping mall, Everything here is dead by 7, The evenings are no fun at all. Oh, Tunbridge Wells is a f**kin' Shithole, how I wish that I could leave, Oh yeah, Tunbridge Wells is a Shithole, but to live here is too expenseeve A studio flat rent is 550 Without bills - Oh it's so hard to live. Oh, Tunbridge Wells is a f**kin' Shithole, fulla middle-class, moneyed, chavs Oh yeah, Tunbridge Wells is a Shithole, fulla drunken, drugged-up, scallywags, The Council is bent and fulla lies, There ain't nuttin' to do here except die . . . . . . Oh yeeeeeeaah!
  • The bastard that found my phone in Weatherspoons just before xmas 2012 didn't have the spine to hand it in to staff. It was a cheap phone, nothing useful if found.... but did have treasured photos of my deceased child on it.
  • All of the miserable people. Cheer up and be friendly!!!
  • the annoying teeny boppers, the whole loada pikeys all over the new flat developments.... groups of twats messin up the park next to twggs and bennett (where i live!) u always see teachers around because its so small.. thats it.. after that its greaat.
  • The house prices. If you dont like the area, try and live somewhere else then youd regret it!
  • The exremes: the chavs and the posh people!
  • the green room mentality
  • the chavs. and the old people who are up themselves and look at teenagers as deliquients. The fact that there seems to be loads of 100% grouped people. mainly emos and chavs. oh and the fact that chavs act like they own the place.
  • being kicked out the RVP for "loitering" getting shouted at by parents; why cant we play on the swings too???? the amount of damn chavs.
  • people who don't like skating or booze
  • Mens Toilets outside RVP
  • Young Mothers with their pushchairs, hanging around town getting ready to rob you blind as soon as you are not looking....
  • Are there any English-speaking people left in the town? It's a bit crap when you go into a shop or a restaurant and the staff don't understand what you are saying...
  • Forget the Pikeys...what about these 12 year olds with sweepy fringes and drainpipe trousers overunning the damn town? You can't fucking move for the sheer amount of these twats outside the RVP. And inside. And in the coffee shops. I believe the correct term to use is "fucking scene kids".
  • skater fags, they absolutely fucking suck, but not i must admit as much as the chavs, and i actually love emos. they are cool.
  • not very cosmopolitan
  • Laser quest is closed down
  • All residents over 40 - I work at Sainsburys and they don't know the meaning of the word "polite".
  • Yo face.
  • your face
  • when its raining
  • gettin stuck in the glass lift in RVP and havin every1 stare at you
  • It's understandable that 'privileged' youngsters who's parents lend them the money to buy their first house are disdainful of estates like Sherwood and Showfields. What I object to is the idea that all the residents in those estates should be labelled by someone's prejudices. I live on one of those estates and can honestly say that I have lived in worse places. An estate is a community; and the people who live there can make or break it. Remember that 'trendy' areas of London only get that way because they are relatively cheap to live in; and they improve as more people move in and make improvements. Give our estates a break and start thinking positively.
  • Beggers with mobile phones (to organise their next rip-off pitch with other beggers) Nazi Traffic Wardens, Invisible Police, The "Royal" in the title, Sherwood School & Housing Estate for single mothers.
  • The selfishly-minded residents, and the Tory council, spending our money on their Tory projects. Every other town in the area has a recycling policy. Tunbridge Wells, full of flats as it is, can only collect garden waste. Brilliant!
  • Freedom bordering on arrogance displayed by the residents The Bollocking Tory Council that takes our money and spends it on themselves
  • the bouncers at certain clubs
  • The rain. Poor public transport. conservative councillors who do nothing. Nothing for the kids! No Skateboard park.
  • that macdonalds closes at 9pm at weekends!
  • Traffic congestion. A 19th century infrastructure struggling under the pressures of 21st century traffic. ABC cinema site - do something - and if there has to be a nightclub, a small one not a mega-mega one. Grafitti and I do appreciate skateboarders need somewhere, but they shouldn't terrorize old ladies by whizzing past at 100mph - it's their town too.
  • we must have the most uptight pub secrurity in the country- i even know 16, 17 yr olds who look well old and can't get in. or they only accept passports or driving liscence- you'd have none of that up north!
  • I think as chavs have been mentioned several times I will have to say something about them. Tunny Wells is swarming with them, I know they will always be with you wherever you go but I wish they would just put them all into their own little city so that we can contain these ghastly people without having to endure their argos gold earrings and their attitude problems, let alone the fights they cause and damage to people's property. Get a life you people and get a job! Don't just live off us! GO AWAY!
  • The idiots who work for the council (mainly the ones who own that shitty hole of a night club down the high st.) who refuse to let people turn the old cinema into a decent live music venue and bar/shop complex. I mean, for christ sakes, no one went to that cinema when it was one, let alone with a bloody great multi screen jobbie down in knights park. Stop worrying about your profits (which must be high at your f**king prices - this isn't Chinawhites you know!). Let the music play.
  • I keep going on about them, but the jippo's are the worst aspect of every small town in Kent, but especially TW. For those of you unaware of what a Jippo is Please read carefully. 90% of the population of Sherwood and Showfields are Jippo's (apologies to those upholding citizens). You will see them in town, kids wearing tracksuits with ear rings and talking as if they are on a day trip from Southend (sorry, saafend init) with the kind of faces you just have to look at and sense they are about to come up to you and say "Whadja call my mum?", "What you starin at cu@t", or 13 year old girls with kids named Chardonay or Ricky. If you see one of these people you will feel the same need that I do, the need to wipe them all out. Sorry, I feel quite strongly about these inbreds !
  • The mindless small town violence
  • Too many fights and attitude problems flying around, everyone needs to just chill out.
  • Pikies, need I say more, also the boy racers!
  • I used to live in Belfast during the tumultous times of the 1970's and 1980's. I'll tell you one thing, one Friday and Saturday nights, Tun Wells give 1970's Belfast a run for its money. Even I am sometimes scared to walk through the town at weekends. What is it about this town that attracts more dickheads than actually exist in reality
  • the tunbridge wells courier..... the fact that the tories get in every election.... archie fucking norman.... the chavs.... chavinci's.... goths-why??.....the bus service....the lack of nightclubs.... but other than that it's a green and pleasant land and anyone who lives there should count themselves lucky.
  • silly little wanna b's with there FAKE gold walking round like they own the place when they are from scumbride (tonbridge) and chattham go hoooooooooome
  • irrating little fools that come over from tonbridge and think they can take over tunbridge wells when they are only all about 4' migits. do my head in i have lived here for nine years and it aint happining sorry but go home. and the girls from tunbridge that give you evils as u walk past coz u dont have enuff gold on etc they need to grow up. and grungers,skaters goths calling us lot pikey's we dont steal out of peoples back gardens and break into cars and sleep in them. just coz we wear gold and know how to defend ourselves doesnt mean you can slag us off.
  • Chavs, lack of good nightlife, lack of good restaurants and more chavs, chavs are everywhere.
  • tec ppl, bennet, st gregs (oh der ok) nd hillview pregnant pppl who all h8 us twggs ppl nd start fites just cos wer not mentally challenged nd can afford condoms
  • The Chav's, The question " Got any pills mate...... na got any weed mate... got any smack mate.......i'll pay ya" as an 18 year old you will get asked this more than once of an eve.
  • My favorite pub used to be The Office which is situated near the post office. It had a really friendly vibe, lovley bar staff. You could go in for coffee chill out maybe play OPERATION or SCRABBLE!!!! And in the night, good atmosphere and non-threatining. Now a guy called Matt has taken it over and has completely changed everything. The food looks good untill you find HAIRS in it. The drinks have become overpriced and the atmosphere is unwelcoming. DONT GO THERE!!!
  • The Tunny Wells women, you'd think their privates had been sewn up they're so frigid... go to Eastbourne!
  • Lived there for the first 25 years of my life - now live elsewhere and am very glad too. This place suffers from an incredible amount of small town syndrome. Loads of pikey car thieves with nothing better to do than nick my motor. For gods sake, don't move here. It's sooooooo middle class and suburban - at the risk of stepping over the line, when was the last time you saw a non-white person in this place??? I can't stand it. Live somewhere else where the BMW driving fraternity obsessed with money and houses won't look down on you!
  • the worst things are ythe junkies, and the skaters showing off at the clock tower-it's funny when they fall off!
  • All the chavs, wanna-bes and "cool" pot heads. GET YOURSELVES TO TONBRIDGE!!!
  • no clubs. no clubs. expensive pubs. all people out either little school girls or piikeys. everyone has their heads so far stuck up their arses they are in danger of breaking their collar bones. going home at 11 if you dont like bar zia of davinchies. davinchies. del barnard. and much much more
  • bad hair days ,o.p.m and all those other crap bands
  • Lots of Traffic, especially going into Tunbridge Wells through Southborough! It is always blocked up. Even more so now that they have put in new one way roads and stupid Bus lanes that all the sods drive their cars through to jump the queue. Stuck up people! Keep away from these housing areas as they are little minature Beriuts: Showfields, Sherwood. Nasty Street: Whitegate Close - Southborough (Full of drug addicts which the Police seem to turn a blind eye to!, and horrible little kids that stratch your car up with their football's and their bikes - the parents have no control over them or just don't care as they are taking drugs or selling them!) I am moving out of the area to the countryside as its so bad! Awful pubs which sell over priced beer and put the heating on full even during the summer to make you drink more, the queue's to the bar are crazy too. Buy two or three pints at a time so you don't waste your evening queuing up for more! Evil Traffic Wardens. The Council takes ages to respond to your requests i.e. it took over 8 months and 20 emails to get a Streetlamp bulb replaced! Council Tax and House prices are crazy too. 150,000 buys you a basic house (Terraced), 80,000 for a 1 bed flat!!! Maddness.
  • The crooked clock. Don't you think it looks a bit crooked?
  • People from outside the town thinking we're snobs or don't like outsiders.
  • Most of the people (except my mates obviously) The prices The lack of good pubs and clubs How packed it gets weekend nights and even in the week. Chavs randomly fighting people in Calverly and in town. St. John's pool - it's crap and it's always closed and all they ever do is build a new foyer. The homeless people drinking special brew and drinking in the Sussez Arms and begging outside an off-license (that's just taking the piss) which is ADVERTISING FOR NEW EMPLOYESS IN ITS WINDOW - which is taking the piss even more. A trained monkey could get a job in Tunbridge Wells - there's loads of jobs that need filling.
  • Chavs, it's been said before!! Watch out for baseball cap, puffa jacket wearing people with lots of gold, girlfriends with large earrings, these are classic signs to look for.
  • It's very incestuous. People in Tunbridge Wells only like other people from Tunbridge Wells. Everyone else is an outsider and not welcome in their precious town. Everyone in Tunbridge Wells adheres 100% to a stereotype, be it goth, skater, chav, casual... whatever. There is no individuality, everyone is in a group. It's like they've taken 4 or 5 people and just cloned them thousands of times.
  • The amount of people who look down on everyone, with there big cars and plummy accent! Delusional knobs!
  • Out of town filth pikeys, they ruin our town fighting and stealing,Stay in Paddock Wood with yer revolting gold, tatoos and stolen Granadas.
  • Chavs....too many round here with their fake gold and idiotic clothing
  • Remembering bikes, mcdonalds and the village inn in the early '80s but not actually living there any more.
  • The chavs and the pikeys. I'm being objective here, not insulting. You look awful. Sort out the cheap gold, the puffas, the makeup and you may be accepted by society. Really, your doing yourselves no favours. Stay in Maidstone.
  • The shocking lack of puff
  • the chavs.....
  • All the Chavs - we hate chavs take your fake gold somewhere else. You will never contribute anything to society!
  • Chavs (does that count as malicious??!)
  • The amount of people coming in from Maidstone, Sevenoaks, Crowborough, Paddock Wood, Tonbridge etc, it gets too busy. Also the people who only fo out to get into fights but after a while you'll know where this happends and avoid it, you may learn the hard way though!
  • It's not Nottingham
  • Pikeys, violence, men pinching your arse and being verbally abused by drunken strangers on a Friday night.
  • Too many mcdonalds! - three so far, but NO burger KING!!!!! (please remedy this!)
  • The amount of Violence seems to have increased Dramatically amogst the under 18's.
  • Hiding from gangs of pykies at chucking out time on a Friday night. Seeing the tories get elected again.
  • traffic grid lock. exiting the Victoria Palace car park on a Saturday afternoon. I live in California now, they think it`s bad here! they have seen nothing!!!! There`s no Starbucks in town. If you have never had Starbucks coffee you don`t know what your missing anyway.
  • Did you ever try drinking ink when you were a kid, just to see what it tasted like? Well, the chalybeate springs in the Pantiles taste exactly the same.
  • The MGM cinema. Two screens and a cupboard. It tries to compensate for its small size by showing different films at different times in the day, and with Wednesday Night Art Film Specials. What we really need is a multiplex - a lot of people end up going to Lakeside in Essex instead.
  • The council is planning on installing closed circuit TV surveillance in the Pantiles area. Write to The Town Hall, Mount Pleasant Road, Tunbridge Wells, Kent to add your voice to the protest against it.
  • The gridlock outside the Royal Victoria Place every Saturday. Do not attempt to drive in Tunbridge Wells. Walking is much quicker.
  • Being too close to London and Brighton, there is a frightening lack of night-clubs which are actually worth going to in the town. Invest in a trip to somewhere else for a night of hedonistic debauchery!
  • Full of old people, *really* busy at chistmastime :(

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Last updated: 2017-06-13

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