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Subjects 1 to 20 of 3188    next>> Today's messages are highlighted in red
Lancastrian by Cloud (Member 10266536) on 21-Sep-2014
There it goes again! Shut and open, shut and open, shut and open

Will anyone who actually knows how to run a pub eventually own it, I wonder? (More likely it'll get knocked down)

To be fair, the tenants usually care and try their best, but it sounds like the company that owns it are complete numptys and won't suppo... more >>
  
  • Re: Lancastrian by early doors (Member 10235862) on 21-Sep-2014
    I reckon it's finished as a pub - make it into an Indian restaurant as has happened to a lot of pubs in other areas.

  • Re: Lancastrian by Cloud (Member 10266536) on 21-Sep-2014
    I blame Tesco and Costa. KUS will know what to do. :P

  • Re: Lancastrian by ilikeeatingthings (Member 10161876) on 21-Sep-2014
    http://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/ShowUserReviews-g499564-d2223179-r229492533-The_Lancastrian_Hotel-Ulverston_Cumbria_England.html#REVIEWS

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Greggs by early doors (Member 10235862) on 15-Sep-2014
Greggs - the home of greasy pasties - have rejigged their 'store' and put in seats and tables . Where's KUS when you need them ? this will lead to closure of at least one of the special town's caffs won't it ? No wait a minute ,the average Greggs customer wouldn't eat at a table init ?   
  • Re: Greggs by veepee (Member 10294016) on 15-Sep-2014
    Mmmmm Greggs hot sausage rolls and then the joy of discarding the greasy bag on the pavement.

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Special Ale by veepee (Member 10294016) on 14-Sep-2014
Does anyone know if I can still get a pint of special 'effin' ale in town? When last in the Brads many years ago a bloke asked me if I'd spilt his effin pint. I always thought that I might return to try one someday.   
  • Re: Special Ale by Dog Master (Member 10160482) on 14-Sep-2014
    Alcohol or Drugs?

  • Re: Special Ale by veepee (Member 10294016) on 14-Sep-2014
    Neither would be potent enough to defence one from that poisonous witch. She took my soul along with many other vulnerable fools. I fester here now in Menton awaiting the return of my cufflinks, penniless and without a proper hairstyle. Mezzo was right. Her baie complexion is witness to her indulgences. She feeds on men, masticates their souls like a piece of Grimsby, and spits them out into the g... more >>

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Special Ale by veepee (Member 10294016) on 14-Sep-2014
Does anyone know if I can still get a pint of special 'effin' ale in town? When last in the Brads many years ago a bloke asked me if I'd spilt his effin pint. I always thought that I might return to try one someday.   
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Pot death by ulverstonian (Member 10191731) on 13-Sep-2014
Anyone no who was found dead on the pot this morning   
  • Re: Pot death by veepee (Member 10294016) on 14-Sep-2014
    Ahh the hazards of things lurking beneath the rim. A common problem here in the tropics. One should always check before positioning for the ablution.

  • Re: Pot death by veepee (Member 10294016) on 14-Sep-2014
    I was once surprised by a bull elephant in such a position. How we laughed when we found out it actually belonged to a neighbour who had lost it down the plughole several days earlier.

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Veepee RIP by veepee (Member 10294016) on 11-Sep-2014
I am currently resting in peace. I figure if the dead can do it then so can I.   
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Selling off Sea Wood ? by redneck rampage (Member 10241019) on 7-Sep-2014
I see there`s a "for sale" sign gone up in the wood just past the lane up to the cattle grid at the bottom of the hill. Moe Persimmon homes?   
  • Re: Selling off Sea Wood ? by redneck rampage (Member 10241019) on 7-Sep-2014
    not moe, more.

  • Re: Selling off Sea Wood ? by Scum (Member 10233909) on 8-Sep-2014
    Its owned by the Woodland Trust, so maybe they're selling off a woodsman's cottage.

  • Re: Selling off Sea Wood ? by early doors (Member 10235862) on 9-Sep-2014
    Dunno about Seawood but thank God the Lantern House has been sold. I don't know anyone who ever set foot inside it and the only people who will miss it are those who were drawing a salary. Pseuds corner I call it. Lantern shite this week ,roads closed for fuck all.

  • Re: Selling off Sea Wood ? by morpheus (Member 10176970) on 10-Sep-2014
    good lord in heaven above. I popp here and it is a knowere place cos knowone is here/ what the fuck is going on / apparently a royal person came here. all I can here now is fuck shite music.. coming from north west of here./... any info

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Lastly Geoff by Special Agent Dale Cooper (Member 10295248) on 4-Sep-2014
Lastly Geoff,I have a train to catch.
You know my first Art House Movie,where Lynda and I shared a box of orgasms.
Some people compared it to a cross between De Sica and Vigo.
And yet Lynda's Uncle punched me out,not sure why maybe he did not like how I framed it.or lighted it,or maybe he had issues with me fucking his niece on cam,not sure,any thoughts.
  
  • Re: Lastly Geoff by Terence Trent Derby (Member 10292850) on 4-Sep-2014
    This how you show your respect for Geoff? By addressing talk like this to him? There has to be a better way to get some attention dear.

  • Re: Lastly Geoff by Special Agent Dale Cooper (Member 10295248) on 4-Sep-2014
    Geoff is my therapist this week,locum cover,he is standing in for Ronnie Laing.

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3.16 AM Rue Du Bac by Special Agent Dale Cooper (Member 10295248) on 3-Sep-2014
Geoff,
It would have to be on The Rue Du Bac at 3.16 am I would encounter Lou Dollion for the first time.
Marcel Marceau would shout YOU GO GUYS in a Brooklyn Accent.
Alas,I am a Basket Case and Dollions Mother is an asshole and Dollion picked Team Bruckheimer,Not Team Hepburm.
WORMS I TELL YOU.
Take Care Geoff.
  
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Mrs Scum wants a fucking dog! by Scum (Member 10233909) on 3-Sep-2014
No fucking chance, but she won't have it. I told her she could have one if I can name it after Wing Commander Gibson's black Labrador. She was alright with that till I told her the name. Then she started bellyaching about me shouting after it if it ran up market street on a Thursday. Anyway, she's fucking moaning about it now. I told her to fuck off and we're not getting one.   
  • Re: Mrs Scum wants a fucking dog! by Cloud (Member 10266536) on 3-Sep-2014
    lol

    Just call it Stay

  • Re: Mrs Scum wants a fucking dog! by Scum (Member 10233909) on 10-Sep-2014
    Ma Scum's given up on it now. Another name I quite fancied was a triple barrelled one. Bastard-Fucking-Cunt. A bit of a mouthful though.

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Peter Ross Electrics by early doors (Member 10235862) on 3-Sep-2014
The above has closed ,I just noticed today . Another flower shop maybe ? to go with the 2 new ones at the top of Market St. ?   
  • Re: Peter Ross Electrics by Terence Trent Derby (Member 10292850) on 3-Sep-2014
    The real question is how on earth did it manage to stay open for as long as it did?

  • Re: Peter Ross Electrics by early doors (Member 10235862) on 3-Sep-2014
    I think it lasted so long because older people and 'country folk ' like to buy things in shops rather than online or on a retail park.

  • Re: Peter Ross Electrics by Special Agent Dale Cooper (Member 10295248) on 3-Sep-2014
    It lasted so long as they could go back as for as 9 inch BairdÅ› with a soldered in EHT rectifier tube,EY51 cute little tube.
    ITV converters bolted on the back,EF883 IF,s is I remember.
    drawing a spark from the final anode,triplers on old projection sets.pulling 60kv.
    Now the mindless are saying bah bah bah I want an I Phone.

  • Re: Peter Ross Electrics by Terence Trent Derby (Member 10292850) on 3-Sep-2014
    Whereas the intelligent are saying they want an old projection television set are they?

  • Re: Peter Ross Electrics by early doors (Member 10235862) on 3-Sep-2014
    End of thread I think.

  • Re: Peter Ross Electrics by Special Agent Dale Cooper (Member 10295248) on 3-Sep-2014
    No they talk of a day when people were not doffing their caps to Armarni Clad Chimps in Madison Ave.
    Watch what happens in a few weeks when the 1 Phone 6 comes out.
    The mindless will be saying bah bah bah and consuming.
    If one likes that platform,what is wrong with the one they have a 4 or 5.
    A chip that is theoretically faster,if we were crunching numbers maybe makes sense,however pointless i... more >>

  • Re: Peter Ross Electrics by Special Agent Dale Cooper (Member 10295248) on 3-Sep-2014
    If anybody remembers my first Art House Movie,when Lynda a and I shared a box of orgasms.
    I shot that on VHS 260 lines,I was still enchanting and my movie pulled The Neilsons in the parking lot as people were paying me 50p to watch it on a Sinclair Microvision.

  • Re: Peter Ross Electrics by Special Agent Dale Cooper (Member 10295248) on 3-Sep-2014
    Lastly Geoff,
    Whatever you do,do not fuck that fake toxic hag,Valerie Trierweiler,you could have a David Cronenburg moment,your head will not explode but your genitals.
    Talking of fucking I ache to fuck Lou Doillon,However her Mother is an asshole and I am a Basket Case,Aussi mon coeur est MORT

  • Re: Peter Ross Electrics by Cloud (Member 10266536) on 3-Sep-2014
    Another victory for KUS

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Sad World Geoff by Special Agent Dale Cooper (Member 10295248) on 26-Aug-2014
Geoff,
What happened to the France of Cocteau,I see on a French website they are talking about a Nikki Minji,She got the largest implants in the store,if she had a flat head,she would be perfect,you could rest your Gin and Tonic on her head as she blows you,however ZERO TALENT.
The world is fucked and Lucy Liu will not fuck me.
WORMS I tell you.
  
  • Re: Sad World Geoff by Cloud (Member 10266536) on 1-Sep-2014
    Ever talk to walls so much that eventually you realise they're not talking back? :)

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Lastly Geoff by Special Agent Dale Cooper (Member 10295248) on 26-Aug-2014
Lastly Geoff as I do not have Tarentino cell number,I cannot call him up and tell him he is a talentless twat.
Also Serena Williams will not invite me over,so I can watch her test drive dildos.
I bring you news,no hope for this world,read The Chimp below,Wants Macdonalds,wants to doff his cap at The Company Store.
Think I will go and eat worms,would rather eat Jeri Ryans pussy,alas she is an as... more >>
  
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Lastly Geoff by Special Agent Dale Cooper (Member 10295248) on 23-Aug-2014
Lastly Geoff as Mr Aston Martin will not give me DB9 Volante and Lucy Liu will not fuck me tonight,I will leave you one last message,Look after yourself Geoff.
Care for 2 great reads,Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maint,Pirsig would be an intresting Puppy to get stoned with and Love in The Time Of Cholera,shame that a man with such a majestic oen is an asshole.
Anon...............
  
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Weird World Geoff by Special Agent Dale Cooper (Member 10295248) on 23-Aug-2014
Tell you Geoff,Weird World,in the last week I have emailed a dozen cowards,few in that hick town Ulverston,some in the US and some in Paris,even one in The Maritimes,gave them all the verbal cues,so they could attempt to redeem themselves for their cowardice they all failed,On a lighter note,I want to fuck Paz De La Huerta,however she fucked THAT OLD SLAPPER,on Mullholland,Jack Nicholson, a Strang... more >>   
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Paging Dr Dellow by Special Agent Dale Cooper (Member 10295248) on 23-Aug-2014
Dr Dellow,
I bring you dispatches from Menton,I need to try and emotionally decompress and I thought I would leave you a message here,You seem to maintain a Daily Mail Eco System on your blog.
I am busy pondering why Belly Button Fluff is always blue and how to do The Butter Scene from Last Tango in Paris with J lo.
I thought I would take time out from my philosophical musings and leave you a m... more >>
  
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Smiter and the cafe by redneck rampage (Member 10241019) on 22-Aug-2014
A cafe? int `ealth centre? well, I didn`t know that. more power to yer elbow Geoff, ( the right one, not the dodgy left one). On the face of it he is right, two referees for a job serving in a cafe? How many referees do the myriad of nationalities in the ginger one`s establishments have?   
  • Re: Smiter and the cafe by early doors (Member 10235862) on 22-Aug-2014
    the csff is through the double doors behind the pharmacy. The room leading to it is huge and has a massive reception desk for what purpose I have no idea.

  • Re: Smiter and the cafe by early doors (Member 10235862) on 23-Aug-2014
    should say 'caff'

  • Re: Smiter and the cafe by Scum (Member 10233909) on 24-Aug-2014
    Bollocks to the cafe. We need a mcdonalds in the special town

  • Re: Smiter and the cafe by early doors (Member 10235862) on 24-Aug-2014
    Yes Mr.Scum we do need McDonalds ,also KFC ,Burger King ,Nando's ,Frankie and Benny's and a drive-thru Greggs. People are starving FFS !!!!!!!!!!

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Adult education by zap (Member 10216554) on 18-Aug-2014
Just had a leaflet pushed thru me door re adult classes in scumbria. Quite a few interesting ones - Advanced Pretentiousness and Snobbery (Ulverston. sponsored by KUS); Applied Sheepshagging (Penrith); English as a foreign Language (Wukkinton); Identity Theft (Carlisle); National Diploma in Extortion (Lake District);Brain Surgery for Beginners (Millom); Applied Chavvery (Uni of Barrow);History of ... more >>   
  • Re: Adult education by early doors (Member 10235862) on 18-Aug-2014
    you having a quiet day mate ? History of Cumbria 90 seconds though is a classic.

  • Re: Adult education by ivision (Member 10220143) on 19-Aug-2014
    as i'm currently residing in penrith, i regret to inform you that the advanced sheep shagging course is fully booked, although there's still a few places left on the basic sheep shagging course, all applicants are being advised to book on the "how to build walls better than romans" course on the off chance our friends and neighbours decide to vote for independance :)

  • Re: Adult education by ivision (Member 10220143) on 19-Aug-2014
    nowt to do with me, http://www.nwemail.co.uk/home/more-than-100-sheep-taken-from-cumbria-farm-1.1155913?cache=cachehiguain%2Frk%3D0%2Frs%3Do%2FRK%3D0

  • Re: Adult education by veepee (Member 10294016) on 19-Aug-2014
    Did you also know that since the escalation in e-cigarette sales, 'model making from matchsticks' courses are also seriously compromised?

  • Re: Adult education by early doors (Member 10235862) on 19-Aug-2014
    I seem to remember a certain poster on here saying the Vapour Bar in King St would last about 10 minutes but yet............

  • Re: Adult education by redneck rampage (Member 10241019) on 19-Aug-2014
    Well, my flabber is ghasted and no mistake. I think I may have predicted six months but even so, it must`ve clocked up six months by now. From what I have read though the success rate of smoking cessation attributed to tin cigarettes is dismal. And they look a bit poofy, my advice is to mtfu and go cold turkey, chew Trebor extra strong, Fisherman`s Friends and Victory V.

  • Re: Adult education by redneck rampage (Member 10241019) on 19-Aug-2014
    Erm, I mean chew Fisherman`s Friends the lozenge, not Robson Green`s chum. Wouldn`t want the forum to get a bad name for homophobia.

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Quirkyton... by WiseOldDave (Member 10213768) on 14-Aug-2014
Having had a rush of blood to the head and decided to do some DIY I hot footed to town for some consumables.
In the pund o' nails shop...have you got this?.. NO!
Have you got that?...NO!
Have you got t'other?...NO!...Try Pellymounters!
Fair enough, if he's running the business down and got fuck all in!
Off to Pellymounters....Shut!...Market day and fucking shut!!! I thought KUS were misguided... more >>
  
  • Re: Quirkyton... by Terence Trent Derby (Member 10292850) on 14-Aug-2014
    Your average KUS supporter would just pay someone to do it, Dave. Where the tradesman got his stuff from wouldn't be a thought that entered their heads. Totally different mindset to your average bloke on the street, which is why they think shopping at Booths or from overpriced shops in town is a perfectly reasonable option. They're prepared to pay a premium or wait for things to be ordered in beca... more >>

  • Re: Quirkyton... by redneck rampage (Member 10241019) on 14-Aug-2014
    Would it be better to go down North Lonsdale rd. to those bigger places? Don`t go there mesel` of course, too specialised for me, I usually don`t know what I want `til I see it on the shelf at B&Q or Homebase.

  • Re: Quirkyton... by early doors (Member 10235862) on 14-Aug-2014
    I hear you redneck. Broombys (TP) is pretty good but you can't beat B&Q when you just want to browse until you see something that might be what you're looking for !!!

  • Re: Quirkyton... by WiseOldDave (Member 10213768) on 16-Aug-2014
    All I wanted was some varnish stripper, wire wool and sandpaper...the very things I thought our local quirky handyman's stores would have in spades and I could take them home all wrapped in a brown paper bag, and my ears ringing with all the local gossip and banter,happy in the knowledge I had done me bit to support our local tradespeople and mongers, and thus maintain Quirkyton as the throbbing l... more >>

  • Re: Quirkyton... by Scum (Member 10233909) on 16-Aug-2014
    Pellymounters shut. What, for lunch?

  • Re: Quirkyton... by redneck rampage (Member 10241019) on 16-Aug-2014
    All I wanted was some varnish stripper, wire wool and sandpaper...the very things I thought our local quirky handyman's stores would have in spades and I could take them home all wrapped in a brown paper bag, and my ears ringing with all the local gossip and banter,happy in the knowledge I had done me bit to support our local tradespeople and mongers, and thus maintain Quirkyton as the throbbing l... more >>

  • Re: Quirkyton... by WiseOldDave (Member 10213768) on 16-Aug-2014
    Yes, Mr Scum, I do believe it was for lunch! Have they not heard of sandwiches, Pot Noodles etc that can be taken on the hoof whilst serving the myriad of customers clamouring fot their goods and services on a busy Quirkyton market day? I can imagine the squeals of appreciation from KUS..LUNCH? You don't see that in a supermarket, how wonderful to live in an edge of Lake District town where a civi... more >>

  • Re: Quirkyton... by early doors (Member 10235862) on 17-Aug-2014
    market day you say ? what evidence of a market was there apart from the road closures ? I didn't even see the dodgy meat wagon.

  • Re: Quirkyton... by early doors (Member 10235862) on 17-Aug-2014
    By the way I still call it Albrights !!!

  • Re: Quirkyton... by Scum (Member 10233909) on 17-Aug-2014
    Quite right. I call it Albrights. And what about Tognarellis on King Street. Remember the fucking stink that used to ooze out of that place? And yes WOD, it's fucking bollocks that a shop like Albrights should close for lunch. The cunts don't deserve the trade. Next thing they'll be bellyaching about an out of town shop taking over. Stupid fuckers!

  • Re: Quirkyton... by early doors (Member 10235862) on 17-Aug-2014
    another flower shop opening in Market St, was the freezer shop for a short time.

  • Re: Quirkyton... by veepee (Member 10294016) on 17-Aug-2014
    May, What - another shop ?!! Whatever next?

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Elders and Betters by Terence Trent Derby (Member 10292850) on 12-Aug-2014
It must be wonderful to be convinced of your own superiority like Smiter is. Love reading him muse in his blog about how he (and occasionally his friends or his generation) is smarter, tougher, more tenacious, more moral etc than 99% of people today. In his most recent epistle he says "people wouldn't dream" of standing to dry out their wet clothes infront of a fire these days. Course not Geoff. I... more >>   
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