For all the local information go to the main entry for Welford

• Re: Can anyvone help ? by Joolz (Member 10090585) on 25-Feb-2003
  Gruss Gott Helga! Wie geht es Ihnen? I am pleased to inform you that, following extensive research of the parish records and speaking to lots of really old people in the village, Herman did in fact make the voyage to Vienna with your great grandmother Hannelore in 1892. Herman lived to the ripe old cat age of 15 during which time he is reputed to have sired some 386 kittens many of which found the
  ir way very quickly to the bottom of the Danube in old Austrian sacks. One that did survive, 'Atilla', became the treasured pet of one Adolf Schickelgruber - a rubbish painter from Linz. Adolf took his treasured pussy with him to the trenches during the Great War where he became the regiments famous rat catcher. Adolf returned from the war disillusioned with defeat and allegedly followed the feisty ginger toms advice to declare himself to be German and lead the entire race into a "thousand year Reich" of pure aryan race. Adolf cocked it up a bit but his prize pussy had spread his seed wide and far securing a pure gene pool of feisty ginger toms which can be traced back to Vienna where they make very nice whirly biscuits. I'm sure the lovely people of Welford would be thrilled to meet you and your delightful tutonic moggy who is highly likely to be a direct descendant of Herman.
  Lord Haw Haw.
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• Re: Can anyvone help ? by pete@nccnet.co.uk (Member 10090623) on 25-Feb-2003
  Ah, zat is indeed enlightening. This at last proves that ze thesis put forward by Emiment Austrian archeaologist, Franz Stenmark is indeed without foundation. Herr Stenmark, who has a shrine to Bast the Goddess of Cats in a rotting shed constructed from genuine egyption papyrus, at the bottom of his garden, hypothesised that the remains found amongst old boots and bicycle wheels at the bottom of t
  he Danube were, in fact chicken carcasses discarded by miscreant germans. In time, he suggested, the bones would reach such a level, that a dam would be formed, hence cutting off the austrian water supply and paving the way for a further aryan invasion.
  And, ha ha, I have seen a painting of a one-eared Ginger Tomcat in the Linz National Gallery, zat, I zink it is attributed to err. Vincent Von Schickelgruber. Maybe, I am thinking, his libido was liberated vicariously through his pussy, and ze painting is a fitting tribute to the feline companion, who did, indeed "have his ear", zo to speak!
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• Re: Can anyvone help ? by Joolz (Member 10090585) on 26-Feb-2003
  Fascinating! Doubtless to say, if you were to ask any Germans today about this scurrilous legacy they would simply reply "but we didn't know". It is remarkable to note that virtually an entire nation was oblivious to the fact that cats, from all walks of German civilian life, after being forced to wear yellow flea collars bearing the "star of Bast" were inexplicably disappearing at an alarming ra
  te. Forces favourite pussy Miaolene 'd' trick, shamed by her nations murky past, vowed never to set a paw in the country again und certainly not "vor der Kaserne an dem grossen Tor".
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• Re: Can anyvone help ? by pete@nccnet.co.uk (Member 10090623) on 3-Mar-2003
  Shameful and horrific though this legacy is, it has perhaps lead to one of the more remarkable success stories of modern times. While many of the cats did, as history tells us, meet barbaric and sometimes gruesome ends, a brave and desperate few, did manage to "flea" the merciless nazi butchers after hijacking a pea-green u-boat with the help of a gang of young tawny owls. After a bruising and a
  rduous voyage, surviving on patato peelings and dirty bilge-water they arrived in the new world and quickly set up a cottage industry making coats for cats in oil-fired mills.With the owls as slaves.. Lending the local feral cats money at extortionate interest rates so they could invest in these luxury garments to protect themselves from the icy winter of the eastern seaboard, swelled their coffers rapidly.. Expansion followed quickly and they soon had enough money to begin building their vast media empire Awol-Feline-Warmer, so they could brainwash the whole population into buying their moth-eaten rags. They soon realised however, that with oil prices spiralling out of control they would need to "invest" heavily in the new world government, with a view to steering the mighty and all poweful administration towards complete control of the world and it's vast reserves of natural and human resources. Now they would tatoo everyone on the forehead with a barcode and anyone without one wouldn't be able to buy one of their stupid coats, or a fucking huge fuck off television on which they could soak up endless hours of spirit crushing propaganda about how they should deal with the blah de fucking rant blah...
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• Re: Can anyvone help ? by george (Member 10188749) on 12-Jul-2006
  G'day mates from down under! On reading the mesmorising tale of the ginger tom legacy I decided on an epic research voyage of any such legacies on my sun laden island. After much torture by aboriginal tribes and near death experiences, I discovered a tale of an underground tyrant koala bear by the name of Brad.
  Decendant of a previous successful gang lord, Carl the brut, Brad took over as gang lo
  rd of the "justice for koalas clan" in 1946, and built up an extensive group of unforgiving koalas who enslaved mermaids to entrap the minds of the unsuspecting human population.
  1980 was a good year for Brad. He begat many fellow koalas, male and female, and enlisted his cumbersome number of koalets into his dark and devious clan. Mermaids from far and wide were caught using the subtle technique of harpooning with knocked off japanese harpoon ships and, for the rest of the decade, a vast number of humans were forced by the mermaids to begin a huge looting spree gaining Brad and the "justice for koalas" many riches.
  My records of such beastly activities stop at 1991 at which point Brad was enlightened to the soul searching melodies of nirvana, and i wondered if anyone has any further information.
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• Re: Can anyvone help ? by pete (Member 10189041) on 13-Jul-2006
  ecords released by the Australian Secret Service under the freedom of information act show that Brad was actively involved in an illegal Koala Skin trade as a cover for his dissident political activities. Whilst the prolitariat koalas did, indeed, think that Brad had their best interests at heart, his latent avarice got the better of him, when he learned that he could potentially, make a vast fort
  une from the sale of koala pelts. Ever the opportunist and entrepreneur, he was, fortunately for him, a guest on the set of the 1971 Universal Pictures flick "Walkabout", starring the inspiration behind many a 1970's schoolboys first wank, Jenny Agutter. A reversal in shooting schedule meant that Ms Agutter had mistakenly shaved her minge off just prior to bits near the pond where she was supposed to get her chuff out. Brad, who had brought his first born to the shooting as a sacrifice to the bestial tendencies of the director, suggested that since young shane was going to have his arse shagged inside out to the point of death, they may as well finish the job and use his pelt as a substitute clopper for the nubile Ms Agutter. Cinema audiences the world over failed to notice, such was the quality of the trimming and fixing. Soon afterwards, however, an unofficial "making of" documentary was circulating on Super-8 in the australian underground scene and demand for a Jenny-Snatch, as they later became known, exploded. Whilst many willing and loyal Koalas enlisted by Brad fought bravely for his guerilla band, many less able ones found themselves the victims of this gruesome and cruel trade.
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• Re: Can anyvone help ? by george (Member 10188749) on 14-Jul-2006
  Although to the soft hearted this may be disturbing, I'm not surprised by such animosities. I have since learned after reading your article that the koala skin trade has flourished in columbia but I have been unable to speak to anyone in detail about it. I really do appreciate any information on this subject as I have spent many years researching Brad and his organisation, it's just a bit sad to h
  ear about young shaun though.
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