Cringing Cult of Celebrity in Whitehaven, Cumbria*

Famous residents and ex-residents.

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Cringing Cult of Celebrity

• joe boy snakes (shnakes are cumming) lenny's taxis are legendory. hike feeding pigeons. jimmy pinkie will never be forgotten and niether will peter howlet
• George Washington's Grandmother!
• one of the members of violinski (seventies one hit wonders) used to live on my road
• Tom Morley and Cory Spedding both live here! Two Junior Eurovision Finalists in a row from the same two!
• Ozzie Osborne, John Beck (It Bites)
• Mr Funk (DJ) resides in Whitehaven
• Brian Higgins - He wrote the Cher song lyrics ( I Believe). Used to live up opposite the Chase Hotel. Now a multi-millionaire in America. That trple jumper - johnathan edwards - parents live at moresby

• Ozzy Osborne went to the Tuns apparently!
• Joe Fussell, the greatest builder in the world! he was working at our school so we just started pestering him, leading up to us all writing books about him (sad i know, but anyone whos had dr stepputat for english will know). its gone so far now he says hi to us, class man... oh not forgetting his pirate mate as well!!!!
• Joe boy snakes is the man, he's a scruffy old fool who talks about baked beans and the titanic being in the harbour, but he's good for a laugh, the smother brothers, man these two are awesome, 2 old scruffs who wander round all day with pipes and not talking to each other (but one does talk to himself!) Robert, well hes a strange old man who walks around muttering "2,2,2,2,2" and he takes up the benches in town every day! Margaret the tiara wearing maniac, shes about 80, 3 ft tall and wears pink cowboy hats or tiaras with balloons attatched to them! Captain Shar, always drunk and basically is just bizarre.
• Black Sabbath guitarist and friend of Sir Ozzy Osbourne, Tony Iomi, used to be married to a girl from Parton and Ozzy himself was a regular at the Tow Bar where he would frequent in his brand new white Ferrari and drive home absolutely pissed out of his tits.
• The cider warriors who patrol Bransty of a weekend - watch it, if you go within 10 yards of them they're likely to mug you and throw empty cider bottles at your head.
• Nobody will ever go beyond the weirdness of Joe boy snakes. The man is a legend and would make Freddy Kruger shit in his pants.
• peter howlett, yakker, jo boy snakes, onion head, scabby julie, laddo who dresses like a pornstar (cut off denim shorts, aviators, curly ginger mop etc) even in winter, englebert stumperdink, archie, michael aka hitler aka chaplin the parkkeeper, the wee dwarfy deaf mute guy who used to work in mark taylors bike shop and try and shadow box with you (fixd a mean wheel on a brok bmx, supercop ..lets face it the list is endless ... and you thought royston vasey was stretching thec imagination...

• everyone in haven is basically a legend
• Charley Woods, Ex pro footballer formerly played for Newcastle utd, Watford & Ipswich town, later served as first team coach under Bobby Robson at Ipswich during their most successful period in the 70s was born and raised on Bransty now can be found at Newcastle again serving under Robson
• oliver turned pro, i guess he qualifies.
• ELVIS PRESLEY was born in Whitehaven (a small town called Whitehaven in Tupelo, Mississippi, USA) !! Not a lot of people know that.
• Kiwi Whitehaven Rugby League Players should be deported especially David "i'll hit the bitch, then blame it on racism" Fattymeatloffer and ex-player Whitehaven RL tosser Nigel "not so big now you've come off the roids" White. Both a waste of God's good air!!!!
• Actually guitar virtuoso Francis Dunnery has been living it up in the USA for years having played with the likes of Robert Plant. He continues to record and tour successfully and is a total credit to the area.
• Mr Bean went to school there, WOW. I wouldn't tell anyone.
• Danboy the best Digger Driver in Cumbria.
• Brian Higgins, the guy who wrote Cher's song Believe, comes from Whitehaven.
• That Guy which ALWAYS comes out of the Old Folks homes. When Skating, Tries to make a citezens arrest on you, but fails miserably. Also famous for the legendry moment when he had his knob out.
• The famous BEEPSTER, woody...youll know him he looks like Elvis and likes going in the strand and Paul Jones(PJs) for a crack, omits a beep sound at regular intervals....not to be confused with his double who works in Tesco!!! Also thatMad man who walks round swearing at shop manequins and anybody else... mad as f**k
• captain joynesy will live on in the memory of everyone who ever met him. a legend.
• Check out the Owner of the Jon Paul Jones, who also manages Fusion in Workington. Peter Stringfellow eat your heart out!!!!!!!!
• BIG STAFF THE WHITEHAVEN RUGBY UNION GREAT WHO HAS A SORE SHOLDER AND A SORE FINGER, B***OCKS
• Richard Madeley started his glittering career on Border TV, so he must have set foot in the place once or twice. Rowan Atkinson went to St Bees School, so he probably bunked off here to get pissed. Frank Dunnery, lead singer of international no-hopers It Bites ("Calling All The Heroes" anyone?) lived five miles away in Egremont. And maybe he still does.
• Big Neil Freeman now exiled in Bradford
• Gordon Cottier, Arnold "Boxer" Walker- exGBrugby league internationals.
• John Paul Jones invaded Whitehaven
• George Washingtons Grandma.

Parts of this information have been supplied by: Dave Carr, Safety Queen, ste, Horrgakx, Big Staff, j ward, worky, tim harris, KathleenB, dale hilton, maiph, patrick cannon, Smoon, Chris blade, BONDY, Marcus Robson, workington possy, Gary Connelly, Darren Tingle, pat, Steph, Eliot Andersen, lauren, Nora The Nutter, Neil Freeman, Tom Sharples, Andrew, Justin Robertson, nora, Stan Bammy, fozzy, joe bananas, Bev, ,vnsivluikjfnlzdb, nicola, RITA, Andy D, Jamil, indredcold, Lisa, J. Wilson, Helen Savage, catt, TB, meeeee, paul mcghee, user, Nora The Norwegian Nutter, miss Nosemountain, cal, A.N.Mouse, derek bragg, rick calvin, ITSDAVE, Vix, ha, ken hetherington, lady of barnet, barbara sheffield, GLENN AYLETT, Andrew Parker, jay, Mark Lewthwaite, Ian Leech, pamela, Tom Adams, Shaun, beckem, Gary Dixon, Tammy, tara, BARRY CLYNES, Sarah King, adrian, spider mullet, Bob Cullen, Mark Sands, J.HURST, beat, john thomas, Angel, Dan, lynda, Micky, dave, jonny boy, s omeone, Eric Postlethwaite, keith meldrum, kb87, Paul, jam-eater, Sean Duffy, pad mono, beefcake, kevin preston, SMELL, rupert bear, mike jolly, some1, Casper, Mark Sikora, Maria, bern, john, emma, p bragg, Pete Irving, Haggis, ged, anonymous, Bob n Mark, v, Jack, Ryan, generic, Walker, emma louise, Mark, Digsy, Mike Turner, unlucky, JOE, Durk H. Hoekstra, JB, Micky Cuzalino, adrian holliday, Andrea, JANE, Lazybrowndog, Trevor Crawford, Chocco, terri lepley, jas