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Subjects 1 to 20 of 1230
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"The mysterious world of a woman's mind"
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by Dr Jubenstein, renowned psychologist (Member 247046) on 21-Aug-08
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Hello everyone and welcome to the first of my regular features on the sometimes stormy world of communication between the sexes. Everyone is different so needless to say there are no hard and fast rules about how to get along with the fairer sex...but in this evenings feature I intend to give a few useful hints about how to avoid causing offence and slimming one's chances of consummating a promising encounter.
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The murky waters of compliments....
by Dr Jubenstein, renowned psychologist (Member 247046) on 21-Aug-08
One of the most well documented areas of confusion in heterosexual relationships is that of the poorly timed or ill thought out compliment. It is well known that a compliment can not only fall flat but in fact create more harm than good where the well meaning - but occasionally ill considered male is concerned.
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by Dr Jubenstein, renowned psychologist (Member 247046) on 21-Aug-08
My first comment on this phenomenon concerns women themselves because it would be foolhardy indeed not to acknowledge the ways in which they themselves contribute to this occasionally explosive scenario. Having worked in a women's clothes shop alongside my work as a "renowned psychologist", my anthropological studies took me to some interesting common situations...
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by Dr Jubenstein, renowned psychologist (Member 247046) on 21-Aug-08
For me personally, if I look in the mirror in something that clings to my curves and would make Pope Benedict himself cough in the middle of his service only to find himself in the middle of an impromptu rendition of "Start Me Up" complete with Jaggeresque priapic dance moves - then AND ONLY THEN - would I shyly ask a man "What do you think?"
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Please note that the "average man" may not necessarily be you.
by Dr Jubenstein, renowned psychologist (Member 247046) on 21-Aug-08
The rest of the time I would take little or no interest in what a man has to say about fashion, dancing or photography. Where we might think about structure, composition and one upwomanship, to these three art forms (with the exception of the latter, in the form of the insipid landscapes old boys like to snap in their dotage) there is one thing the "average man" knows about these things "Does it make my winkie feel nice".
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by Dr Jubenstein, renowned psychologist (Member 247046) on 21-Aug-08
It is usually a simple yes or no. A woman cannot usually expect a man to understand the finer points of this seasons clobber or what helps tone down high colouring or whatever. Nor why it is essential to spend half the mortgage on a leather thing that ends up with half a rainforest of bus tickets, old lippies and kit kat wrappers in it. This is a mystery even to us, and can be put down to inescapable consumerist propaganda >>more
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If you feel good you look good (usually anyway)
by Dr Jubenstein, renowned psychologist (Member 247046) on 21-Aug-08
Therefore it is important to point out that asking a man to make a fair comment on such things is like them asking us our opinion on firing pins, fishing hooks, the triangle formation or real ales. The simple fact is, a man is far more likely to have a lasting attraction and respect for a woman who wears whatever she wants and doesn't turn up in camouflage hotpants and a number 1 because he once said he fancied Demi in >>more
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by Dr Jubenstein, renowned psychologist (Member 247046) on 21-Aug-08
Where does this leave the poor menfolk however? Some sagely subscribe to the "If in doubt say nowt" philosophy...which is all very well until you hear the whine of "Well you obviously don't like it because you never said anything". Then there are the crazy warriors of the "honesty is the best policy" line..."I preferred what you wore last week". To which the reply could be a muttered "Bastard" and no sex for 3-5 days or until you've taken it back.
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by Dr Jubenstein, renowned psychologist (Member 247046) on 21-Aug-08
Then there are the guys who simply have a knack of saying the wrong thing...possibly because ultimately they have little real interest...and then if they did suddenly start squealing over Vogue the girls would have telephone conferences and the poor chap would be overthrown by some VD riddled bricklayer "more in touch with his masculnity". Yes. It is a very hard world for men and one in which you have my utmost sympathy.
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by Dr Jubenstein, renowned psychologist (Member 247046) on 21-Aug-08
There are a few small pointers that may, however, go a long way. 1) A woman who is really happy with herself most of the time is unlikely to continually ask you what you think of her clothes. These women are more likely to be the ones you will have a happy relationship with. Few women realise it is confidence that is sexy - not how much you spent on this season's ridiculous puffball boiler suit. Seek these women out.
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by Dr Jubenstein, renowned psychologist (Member 247046) on 21-Aug-08
2) Nonetheless, the power of a well timed "You look stunning/beautiful/gorgeous" when you know she's made the effort cannot be underestimated. If you are with a confident woman who appears not to need reassurance, do not assume that doesn't like to hear this from time to time. If everyone else in the room is telling her she looks wonderful, if she loves you, its only you she really wants to hear it from.
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by Dr Jubenstein, renowned psychologist (Member 247046) on 21-Aug-08
3) Remeber that women often feel that they are judged ONLY on their looks - ageing is marketed as an expensive, unmitigated disaster, and are brainwashed to spend millions of pounds a year on "combatting fine lines". Even the strongest of women need to know you think they're beautiful and you're not going to run off with a younger model. Be sensitive to that.
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by Dr Jubenstein, renowned psychologist (Member 247046) on 21-Aug-08
4) What if she really does look dreadful? Well...its tricky. In your mind you may think you're doing her a favour by being honest - but in reality you could end up in a highly hostile world with this philosophy, noble as it may be. Firstly, say nothing. If she presses you say "are you happy with it?" If there's any doubt in her mind its obvious she's made a "prementrual buy" - a tangerine jumper dress par exemple.
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by Dr Jubenstein, renowned psychologist (Member 247046) on 21-Aug-08
If deflecting the question hasn't worked and she is looking at you like a wounded merecat GET OUT NOW. GO TO THE PUB OR ANYWHERE. When she's calmed down, consider whether you really love this woman or you'd rather go out with someone less insecure and with more style. NEXT WEEK: "The truth about sex".
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Beautiful Arse in hot pants
by Dog Master (Member 177341) on 21-Aug-08
I think you would look extremely attractive with a No1 and camo hot pants. You look extremely attractive dressed in anything and particularly attractive undressed. Fantasy finished (for now), what is your opinion on No3 barbed hooks and could you please advise me of the merits of AT and MT tires? LOL Farm Boy XXX
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by abe frohman (Member 245756) on 22-Aug-08
very interesting points you make there Dr and i will endeavour to take them on board in the future but i have found that a well timed 'yeh your ok but it looks better on your sister' ensures that they never ask that question again and during the angry sex which follows she is undoubtedly imagining you are picturing her sister (which you are) so she puts more effort into it. if it all goes wrong and puts an embargo on
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All in the worst possible taste
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by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 21-Aug-08
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As I have been watching the Olympics I have been constantly wondering if there was anything the Chinese weren't good at...then it dawned on me........cockle picking !!
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tasty bite
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by ulverstonian (Member 208590) on 20-Aug-08
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fucking cracing food normally but i wish they'd get some fresh buns in.Everyweek i get a tasty bite but last 2 weeks buns have been hardest,needs frsh buns before i go back to the conti.Tell you something tho the guy who owns it is thick as fuck at times
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Re: nasty bite
by blueherring (Member 215736) on 21-Aug-08
if you're eating at the nasty bite every week, a few stale buns are probably the least of your concerns. on the plus side, judging from my experience of mo's late-night culinary delights you must have a fucking great immune system.
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Re: tasty bite
by zap (Member 233414) on 21-Aug-08
Aaah! A 1001 ways with bacteria!
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Re: tasty bite
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 21-Aug-08
"E Coli R Us"
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As good as a rest
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by zap (Member 233414) on 18-Aug-08
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If any of you fancy a change from the Ulverston this coming weekend then Lancaster Jazz Festival is on Thur/Fri/Sat/Sun. Most shows are free and take place in the squares, streets and pubs in the town centre. Its not all jazz, theres rock, latin, soul etc. Lots of trains there and back and Ike you can sup Blonde/Amber in a pub I know which has a dizzying array of stunners behind t'bar. Birds, booze and good music.
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Re: As good as a rest
by ilikeeatingthings (Member 178735) on 18-Aug-08
Am heading up Sunday
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Re: As good as a rest
by zap (Member 233414) on 18-Aug-08
Am going Thursday night, stopping over. Going to opening jam session in Stonewell Tav. with The Sam Dale Band. Older ones on here may remember their drummer - Kenny Hopper - from Witherslack. He used to drum in a band called Crow Pie. He's mad as a hatter and a brilliant drummer.
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I've made a fool out of myself
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by hamsterhater (Member 180865) on 18-Aug-08
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sod it, it's not the first time I've been in public enjoying the company of a fella and I'm sure it won't be the last! :) (THAT SOUNDS REALLY BAD BUT IT WAS FAR MORE INNOCENT THAN THAT I PROMISE!) anyway, goodnight folks. By the way ike, when's your ma back? I have photos for her!
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Re: I've made a fool out of myself
by zap (Member 233414) on 18-Aug-08
I had a good night too. Didn't meet any idiots but several barpersons who serviced me very efficiently, Gawd bless 'em.
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Re: I've made a fool out of myself
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 19-Aug-08
Why are you apologising for just being normal hh? Are you not allowed to meet people in public??
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Re: I've made a fool out of myself
by chainsawman (Member 179470) on 19-Aug-08
oh aye ? what have you been up to hammy ?
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Re: I've made a fool out of myself
by hamsterhater (Member 180865) on 19-Aug-08
I got a little worse for wear and ended up kissing a bloke who now won't stop texting me! Booze is bad kids! :)
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Re: I've made a fool out of myself
by hamsterhater (Member 180865) on 19-Aug-08
Oh and WOD, it's bad because this town's full of gossips who seem all too interested in each others business!
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Re: I've made a fool out of myself
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 20-Aug-08
Aaaah, gotcha now! Yes, village life, nice, but, does have it's downsides. You seem to me to be a "proper" woman...fuck 'em..hold your head up baby...you know it makes sense !!
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Re: I've made a fool out of myself
by zap (Member 233414) on 20-Aug-08
Gossip blights this lovely corner of NW Lancs. My missis (separated) recently told me that she had heard I was planning to get married! I choose these boards to publicly and emphatically deny that shite! I am, however, planning to make an omelette for me dinner.
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Re: I've made a fool out of myself
by zap (Member 233414) on 20-Aug-08
And before the bloody gossip starts YES it did turn out like scrambled eggs. I am shite at doing omelettes.
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Never apologise, never explain...
by Jujube (Member 150407) on 20-Aug-08
A friend of mine once told me the only way to combat gossips when you've had a bit of a questionably behaved night out - which frankly seems unlikely where you're concerned hh, being the lady these chaps have pointed out you are - is to go back to the same pub the following night and act like nothing's happened. If apologies are due (in your case not) then its fair enough to do so with a minimum of self abasement, >>more
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A snog's a snog.
by Jujube (Member 150407) on 20-Aug-08
As for the bloke it doesn't sound as if you're terribly keen. He's unlikely to be good enough for you in this small genepool as zap will attest. If I were you I would text him back to say "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself last night. Lets hope the memory will keep you warm in your old age farm boy - I'm now moving to the south of France. Bye! PS My phone will be out of range forever now XXX" >>more
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Re: I've made a fool out of myself
by Jujube (Member 150407) on 20-Aug-08
I heard I was pregnant last year I might add.
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Re: I've made a fool out of myself
by hamsterhater (Member 180865) on 20-Aug-08
Why thank you, you're all too kind! But yes, I was very well behaved and very innocent (just somewhat worse for wear due to humongous amounts of alcohol!) Oh, and the best gossip I ever heard about myself was when I was 16. I was apparently dead! 11 years on and I'm still proving the gossips wrong! :)
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Re: Farm Boy
by Dog Master (Member 177341) on 20-Aug-08
"farm boy", does that read; black, homosexual, ethnic minority, 4x4 driving, tobacco smoking, alcohol drinking,meat eating etc etc? You disappoint me JJ! (not that you will give a F**ck)
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Re: I've made a fool out of myself
by zap (Member 233414) on 21-Aug-08
Well ferk the lot a ya. off ter t'jazz fest today. No one knows me (that well) so have fun shaggin t'sheep, chewin t'fat, and tryin to spear the bearded clam with impossible ladies. Shiiit, am pissed.
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Re: I've made a fool out of myself
by hamsterhater (Member 180865) on 21-Aug-08
Haha! Good look with those pesky bearded clams Zap and have a good weekend. I'm off to solfest so will be neither use nor ornament to anybody for about a week I reckon!
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Re: I've made a fool out of myself
by Jujube (Member 150407) on 21-Aug-08
Its merely a figure of speech DM. I am, however, happy to apologise for my folly - I meant "Ulverston boy".
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Re: I've made a fool out of myself
by Hoss (Member 109911) on 21-Aug-08
Hi guys. Been staying away from your site for a while as to an infestation on the Filey site (Dave and DM know). Just reading your back messages. Tell me that the photo on http://tinyurl.com/66vjnh isn't JJ..... Please.
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Re: I've made a fool out of myself
by gary numan (Member 184230) on 21-Aug-08
I could tell you that isn't Jujube Hoss, but that would be a lie!
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Re: I've made a fool out of myself
by gary numan (Member 184230) on 21-Aug-08
As for your infestation. Well you should have listened to DM.
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More...
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catweasel gets more than me !!!!
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by ilikeeatingthings (Member 178735) on 17-Aug-08
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sunday morning in bed with a woman watching countryfile, fucking great....only problem is it has not happened for months. Maybe should have took that lass up on her offer at work last night eh zap.
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Re: catweasel gets more than me !!!!
by zap (Member 233414) on 17-Aug-08
Was just thinking the same old lad. Couldn't really work out if I had a chance, then as per usual, the drink kicked in and I went home. Prob. more of the same today-commencing about 4pm in t'Bradds.
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The rumour machine trundles on!!
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by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 16-Aug-08
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I heard a couple of whispers last night from two different sources that there are three Ulverston pubs applying to Robinsons for help before they have to shut down. After a bit of digging, two of them are The Hope and Anchor, and the Piel, don't know who the third one is....time alone will tell if these rumours are correct, but, in my experience if you don't give the customers what they want, then you will fail!
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Re: The rumour machine trundles on!!
by zap (Member 233414) on 16-Aug-08
There's the rub. Too many landlords just expect us to walk in and chuck money at 'em and give only mediocre beer and bad service in return. Hope Ben survives coz at least he does offer music at weekends-he makes the effort. Don't bother with the Hope so can't comment. I get the definite impression that "class" pervades the Ulverston pub scene, i.e. yer average Farmers punter wouldn't be seen dead in the Piel, which is a shame.
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Re: The rumour machine trundles on!!
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 16-Aug-08
If "class" means putting up with a filthy dirty pub that serves undrinkable beer then count me out, cos the Piel is a shithole. The Hope is little more than a "Sad Cafe" things have got to change for the better zap, the drinking classes have got to "raise the bar" so to speak!
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Re: The rumour machine trundles on!!
by damon albarn (Member 141635) on 17-Aug-08
Well for one the sun is a shithole. People just need to try some of the other pubs in the tow instead of sticking with the same week in week out. I mean when as the sun or some of the other pubs ever been that good anyway? i agree with zap least the piel is making an effort to keep the punters.All you get in the sun is moody bar staff, and wannabe gangsters/muscleman hardly the most family/ freindly place >>more
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Re: The rumour machine trundles on!!
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 17-Aug-08
Well said young man!!
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Re: The rumour machine trundles on!!
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 17-Aug-08
The Capitola shuts a week Tuesday. Think I'll get more of my fair share of Peroni before the event!! I aint going in the bloody Farmers to drink it!!
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Re: The rumour machine trundles on!!
by zap (Member 233414) on 17-Aug-08
Bit harsh on the Piel WOD! Admittedly some of the clientele aren't up to our standards but Ben is a nice chap who makes the effort. Overheard talk in Capitola last night about them closing-but is that permanent or just a holiday? Since I don't own a Porsche/speak in a pseudo-posh manner/own me own business/take me hols in San Trop; I am not privy to the goings on there. Only go in coz it seems to attract some fit bints.
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Re: The rumour machine trundles on!!
by zap (Member 233414) on 17-Aug-08
Oh and they sell Urquell which, as my Czech friends say, is "liquid bread".
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Re: The rumour machine trundles on!!
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 17-Aug-08
Harsh maybe, but if he took a mop and bucket to the place and cleaned his pipes now and again he might be in with half a chance. If the pubs that dirty think what the kitchen must be like..urghhh!
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Re: The rumour machine trundles on!!
by zap (Member 233414) on 17-Aug-08
Can it be that a professional licensee reckons its not important to clean his lines and that customers won't notice or mebbe he just forgets week after week. No. Cast yer mind back WOD, the Piel has ALWAYS had a reputation for iffy beer which is why I usually sup Stella in there. Its averagely clean in there. By the way I was in a pub last night where the smell of farts and cheap scent was overwhelming!
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WOD'S Diary
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by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 15-Aug-08
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Weather today...fucking awful Weather all week......shite! Have not took "The car" for a spin cos I can't afford the feckin' petrol Have not had a beautiful walk along some long forgotten country path in case I get arrested. Have not attended any "secret society" dinners this week and therefore have not mingled with the great and the good. Have not had any Indian meals because I couldn't eat that shite if hell had me¬ However...tonight I will be in't Braddylls obtaining >>more
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Bill will turn in his grave
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by ilikeeatingthings (Member 178735) on 14-Aug-08
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I see that the Laurel and Hardy museum is moving next to booths, so we have had booths take most of the trade out of the town centre and now we are to loose a big tourist attraction to the same area. Surely not good for the town centre. Not the nicest of buildings either that it is moving too, surely if the owners care about the history and character of the town they will stay where they are. Will the >>more
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Re: Bill will turn in his grave
by ilikeeatingthings (Member 178735) on 14-Aug-08
Just wait 10 years and twattaway will have re built the farmers on booths car park.
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Re: Bill will turn in his grave
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 14-Aug-08
One bright note on the horizon however is the hopeful revival of the "Little Kings". It used to be a stonking good old pub that over the years, I have had some good laughs in there and truly hope it succeeds
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Re: Bill will turn in his grave
by Fishman (Member 162412) on 14-Aug-08
You're right Ike, like we need a phantom Laurel and Hardy museum on an industrial estate! Having lived above the original and got on with life as the muted *duh de dehs* penetrated the kitchen, I hardly feel this would improve things. It would be a soulless venture. Bill'd be pissed off as I'm sure Stan himself would be.
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Re: Bill will turn in his grave
by ilikeeatingthings (Member 178735) on 15-Aug-08
Do you have your voucher for a free half pint? I found one in the advertiser, am working tonight though so can not go and claim it.
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Re: Bill will turn in his grave
by zap (Member 233414) on 15-Aug-08
Agreed. There is little enough reason as it is for tourists to visit THE Ulverston centre, there'll be even less when t'museum moves.Though mebbe THE Ikes arse in Woolies window may prove an enduring attraction (at least for the lady pensioners trips). I often think THE the town ought to recognise Lord Birkett KC more. He achieved a lot and always loved THE Ulverston.
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Re: Bill will turn in his grave
by zap (Member 233414) on 15-Aug-08
AND in a speech to Parliament he said "I am proud to be a Lancastrian". Good enough for Norman, good enough for me.
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A Result of Stealth
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by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 13-Aug-08
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It's a worry, but the County Council seem to be "talking" up the banning of cars from the Town Centre. I've never heard of any pensioners, kids etc being run over to death, or, otherwise maimed and injured due to cars. However, if you walk past The Sun at 3am you are highly likely to get your jaw broke or otherwise assaulted by "thugs on feet" Hmmmm!!
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King St Tapas
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by zap (Member 233414) on 12-Aug-08
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If you google "Ulverston Planning Application Tapas" you get to see the plans for Wendys new bar. Looks good to me. Can't wait.
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ike
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by ilikeeatingthings (Member 178735) on 11-Aug-08
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I llikeatingthings classically ugly
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Re: ike
by hamsterhater (Member 180865) on 11-Aug-08
Don't put yourself down Ike. You're actually not that bad if I squint really hard after a litre of vodka that is! :)
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Re: ike
by ilikeeatingthings (Member 178735) on 12-Aug-08
like wise
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Re: ike
by ilikeeatingthings (Member 178735) on 12-Aug-08
Or is it IKE wise???
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Re: ike
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 12-Aug-08
oooooh,I like a bit of romance!!
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Re: ike
by ilikeeatingthings (Member 178735) on 12-Aug-08
Trust me dear boy there is no romance between me and that !!
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Re: ike
by zap (Member 233414) on 12-Aug-08
The moral being Ike that you should hang around with people who are always pissed. In the land of the blind-the one eyed man is King, so to speak(???).
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Re: ike
by hamsterhater (Member 180865) on 12-Aug-08
Indeed WOD, I wouldn't touch him with yours!
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Re: ike
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 12-Aug-08
I say chaps, steady on !!
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Re: ike
by chainsawman (Member 179470) on 12-Aug-08
me thinks they BOTH protest too much !
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JJ
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by Dog Master (Member 177341) on 11-Aug-08
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Classically beautiful.
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Re: JJ
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 11-Aug-08
A man of few words DM, but, says it all! JJ you look absolutely stunning !!!
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Re: JJ
by zap (Member 233414) on 11-Aug-08
Gulp! Need me blood pressure pills.
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Re: JJ
by Dog Master (Member 177341) on 13-Aug-08
Words would detract:- http://tinyurl.com/66vjnh
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Re: JJ
by Jujube (Member 150407) on 20-Aug-08
Awww thank you chaps, thats very sweet of you XXX
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" I'll show my arse in Woolie's window
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by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 10-Aug-08
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Get yer kit off ike...she got planning permission. Are you selling tickets for this event, or are you doing a freebie to frighten the kids??
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by Dog Master (Member 177341) on 10-Aug-08
Doesn't appear to be approved yet see http://tinyurl.com/6pvr67
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Re:
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 10-Aug-08
Hmm,it's a strong rumour thats going round. I stand corrected DM!
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by ilikeeatingthings (Member 178735) on 10-Aug-08
Showing my arse may be a good plan for getting the birds into bed.
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by Hoss (Member 109911) on 10-Aug-08
Or to get someone to park their bike!?
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by ilikeeatingthings (Member 178735) on 10-Aug-08
or a mans penis
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by ilikeeatingthings (Member 178735) on 10-Aug-08
Thought i would say that before anyone else!!
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Do you want to know the secrets of success with women?
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by Dr Jubenstein, renowned psychologist (Member 247046) on 7-Aug-08
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No need to look any further than my FREE advice posts on the Ulverston knowhere board, identified as the place where people most need the benefit of my time tested wisdom. Keep logging in to find out THE SECRETS OF SUCCESS WITH WOMEN...
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Re: Do you want to know the secrets of success with women?
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 8-Aug-08
At last! Our Saviour!!
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Re: Do you want to know the secrets of success with women?
by ilikeeatingthings (Member 178735) on 8-Aug-08
Thank fuck for that!!
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Re: Do you want to know the secrets of success with women?
by zap (Member 233414) on 8-Aug-08
Dear Dr. Jubenstein, I have a problem. I am a sex addict, much in the style of Michael Douglas. But Michael has that Welsh bint and pots of cash to help him assuage his rampant carnality whereas I possess only a spare room full of Kleenex and a vivid imagination - thus I feel condemned to follow in the ways of Onan for ever. On the plus side I have all me own teeth and (for my age) a reasonable skin, >>more
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Re: Do you want to know the secrets of success with women?
by zap (Member 233414) on 8-Aug-08
PS I did write to Michael re our shared affliction. He kindly advised that I should hire a suite at the L.A. Hilton, fill it full of porn stars and Dom Perignon and just let rip with the old kidney cracker. My problem would be solved. Eagerly I crammed my valise full of Viagra only to discover my finances would only stretch to a single to Kents Bank. Somewhat unreasonably, I thought, management at The Kents Bank Hotel would not entertain >>more
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Re: Do you want to know the secrets of success with women?
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 8-Aug-08
I have been ter't pub, and once again Dr Jubenstein I am alone. Can no-one relieve me of this endless loneliness, this terminal solitude..booo hoo!!!
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Re: Do you want to know the secrets of success with women?
by zap (Member 233414) on 9-Aug-08
I reckon Dr J is on a sabbatical, either that or we present too much of a problem for her WOD. I discovered the best arse in Ulv last night but I am not telling where.............
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Re: Do you want to know the secrets of success with women?
by Dog Master (Member 177341) on 9-Aug-08
Do you know that JJ is preparing her PHD Dissertation and that we are the subject of that work?
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Re: Do you want to know the secrets of success with women?
by Dog Master (Member 177341) on 9-Aug-08
So back to more important matters, exactly where was this arse?
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Re: Do you want to know the secrets of success with women?
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 10-Aug-08
I reckon you're right chaps. The Title of her Thesis.."The Timely Abandonment of Hopelessness"
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Re: Do you want to know the secrets of success with women?
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 10-Aug-08
DM I reckon it was ike's....see above new thread!!
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Re: Do you want to know the secrets of success with women?
by Jujube (Member 150407) on 10-Aug-08
Dr Jubenstein is carrying out some vital research for a few days before coming back with the findings chaps, so just sit tight! Meanwhile, everyone knows I have the best arse in Ulverston - zap was merely implying otherwise to upset me, so pay it no mind boys.
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Re: Do you want to know the secrets of success with women?
by zap (Member 233414) on 11-Aug-08
Apologies if I upset you my dear, I should have added "present company excepted" when referring to the arse. So - the 2nd best bum in town is to be found behind a barmaid who sometimes works at a certain pub in town. WOD, Ike etc will have to tour the boozers and form their own opininions.
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Re: Do you want to know the secrets of success with women?
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 11-Aug-08
zap, if you look in the centre spread of the Liar you will see who knocks everything else into a cocked hat...JJ strutting her stuff....fantastic!!
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Re: Do you want to know the secrets of success with women?
by Jujube (Member 150407) on 20-Aug-08
Oh thanks zap. With that kind of lethal charm I simply don't know why you're still single. I suspect you're too eligible and it just intimidates them! *twirls hair and bites lip coyly*
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Liar
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by zap (Member 233414) on 7-Aug-08
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Just off out to buy this evenings edition of The The Grasmere and Bassenthwaite Liar. Just to get my fix of the "local" news. Need summat to wrap the cats droppings in.
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Re: Liar
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 7-Aug-08
Aye! It'll be Shepherds Monthly next!
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Re: Liar
by zap (Member 233414) on 7-Aug-08
Disappointingly in todays edition there was no news from either Grasmere or Bassenthwaite. Was also miffed that there was no report from the transactions of the North Scumbria Thyroid Society. Had to make do with "news" from Ambleside, Windermere, the shocking news that a bike was nicked in Rydal,a report from Kirkby Stephen, a tale about an unfortunate N Wales lady who expired in Kendal and some shite about a soap star from Carlisle. Plainly, they know ferk all about life >>more
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Re: Liar
by zap (Member 233414) on 7-Aug-08
I move that we make our own news. Suggestion : Ike (our very own entrepreneur) should open a cafe where, dressed in nought but fishnets and a tin hat and before astonished patrons he ravishes a mini skirt clad Swaledale. He advertises said establishment as the only place (outside Penrith) where you can also shag your Sunday dinner. Now, that story has it all, passion, novelty and a strong scumbrian flavour which should attract the Abbey Road scribes. Whaddya think Ike?
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Re: Liar
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 7-Aug-08
Puts a whole new slant on "marinading your meat" then??
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Re: Liar
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 7-Aug-08
I've never debated the point about wether sheep spit or swallow, however, if the latter is the case, no more Haggis for me boy!!
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Re: Liar
by Jujube (Member 150407) on 21-Aug-08
OH MY GOD. WOD that is disgusting.
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Good Advice
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by Hoss (Member 109911) on 6-Aug-08
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Hi guys. Having been infested with the bull on the Filey site, DogMaster dropped in and gave some very good advice. 'Ignore it and it will go away'. We've taken said advice (evn me after getting bored with its obcene rantings) and we're sure it will dry up! Permenantly with any luck!!
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Re: Good Advice
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 6-Aug-08
Hi Hoss,how's it hanging old lad? Your eagle eye has spotted ours then??
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Re: Good Advice
by Hoss (Member 109911) on 6-Aug-08
Keeping a bit of a low profile Dave. Sent way up north to the land of the fearless sheep and the knocking kneed boy racers. After suffering that, got paid off! DM Does occasionally look in on Filey but as usual there's not much of interest happening.
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Re: Good Advice
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 6-Aug-08
Sorry to hear that mate! Hope you've got something else lined up...you could do with something "darn sarf" just by way of a change!
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The scenario:
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by veepee (Member 86451) on 6-Aug-08
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You are a top press scoop photographer spending a well earned rest in the city of York when suddenly during the afternoon there is a cloudburst followed by a flash flood. As the river swells you scramble onto a bridge and look down at the hundreds of people struggling for their lives in the water. Suddenly, a man's voice yells out from the swirling carnage below - he holds out a hand to you pleading for his life and for you >>more
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Re: The scenario:
by zap (Member 233414) on 6-Aug-08
You shoot the twat coz shit floats.
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BREAKING NEWS.................The Nightwalkers
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by damon albarn (Member 141635) on 5-Aug-08
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True story WOD and DM have been meeting the Nightwalkers to releive their sexual tensionthis as been taking place down the canal. And the new coats are love gifts from WOD and DM.
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Pseuds Corner
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by zap (Member 233414) on 5-Aug-08
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Just received the Dukes Theatre Autumn/Winter programme. Amongst the gems therein are : "Anima explores the distorted dynamics between the conscious and subconscious revealing the conflict and harmony within all of us." And : "Through the medium of dance, drama and music the programme will explore current issues on women, gender equality, human rights, environment and its sustainability while mainting the aesthetics of the art forms." Cooo! Oh for the golden age of Albert Steptoe who, on viewing one of Reubens' >>more
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Re: Pseuds Corner
by WiseOldDave (Member 230628) on 6-Aug-08
Good post zap. I like a play with a beginning, middle, and end. To listen to meaningless, unqualified psychobabble I'll just go down the pub!!
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Re: Pseuds Corner
by zap (Member 233414) on 6-Aug-08
Aye. The plays the thing. Fortunately there is an excellent pub just 50 yards from the Dukes.
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